All My Hopes and Dreams
by taiyakisoba
Summary: Frisk has finally achieved the Perfect True Pacifist Ending and saved Asriel - but she soon discovers that growing up on the Surface with Az as her step-brother holds even more challenges and dangers than the Underground ever did.
1. Chapter 1

I woke, sweat teeming off my body. Another nightmare. That face again, the face of the girl who looked just like me.

I grabbed my pillow and slid out of bed, then snuck out of my room, treading as softly as I could. I didn't want to wake mom or dad. Ever since they'd given me and Asriel separate bedrooms they'd frowned on us sharing a bed and I didn't want to get a lecture over breakfast again. I pushed at his door. It was closed. Strange, he never closed it. He always liked to have some light in his room. Even more than me he was afraid of the dark.

I couldn't blame him.

"Az?" I whispered as I opened the door. "Can I sleep with you? I… I had another bad dream."

Silence.

I peered into the darkness. I couldn't make out anything in the room. Everything was just a jumble of dark shapes.

I crept inside, approached the largest of the shapes. His bed? It must be. I could make out the starlight glittering through the window behind it at the far end of the room.

No. Not a bed. The fingers of my free hand slipped over dusty cardboard. Boxes. Just old packing boxes.

I jerked away, knocking a smaller box onto the floor. The top popped off and paper spilled out of it.

I tossed my pillow aside and knelt down. My eyes were getting used to the dark, now. There were photos amongst the papers. I scooped them back into the box. It was red, shaped like a heart.

The box. He'd given it to me, long ago.

I grabbed my pillow and clutched it to my chest. My long hair fell into my stinging eyes. I pushed it away.

This wasn't the home I shared with mom and dad and Asriel. It was my apartment. I lived alone, now, in the City. I was grown up. Those days were long ago.

So why did I keep dreaming of them?

Maybe because I'd been so much happier, then. Maybe because I'd left so much unsaid.

Even last night I wasn't able to tell him. I'd planned to. But then… but then he'd turned up at the restaurant with her. That human girl.

Did she really have to be that beautiful?

Of course she did. She was a perfect match for him. He'd looked so handsome, even more handsome than I'd remembered, with those long, feminine lashes and his gentle, smiling face. And dressed in that suit and jacket, so tall and slim and princely…

I felt that old familiar pain in my chest and crushed the pillow closer to me. My SOUL. It ached.

It ached a lot these days.

There was no way I was going to be able to get back to sleep. I made a coffee and sat in the kitchen, hugging the cup in my hands. The lonely hum of a car along the street below made me glance out the window. Outside, the world was turning grey, as it did in the City when the sun was about to rise. It must still be early.

I glanced at my phone. 4.35. Great. I'd have to go to college soon, anyway. Early classes. No point going back to bed.

I stared at the phone. No messages. I'd hoped he'd send me one. Well, I had acted like a complete bitch at dinner. Why should he message me?

My eyes began to sting again and I pressed the heels of my hands against them. God. Why did I keep screwing things up?

In this dark place I often wished I could reset everything, wished that I still had the power of SAVE. I just wanted to send everything back to the beginning so I could try it all over again. But properly this time.

No point wishing, though. I'd lost it. It wasn't coming back.

I'd thought that once I'd saved him, everything would be fine. And everything had been fine, at first. Ten years ago, now, ten years almost to the day since I woke up in a familiar bed to the sound of a familiar voice. 

* * *

"Please, Frisk. Please wake up!"

I knew that voice. I'd often heard it in the darkness, echoing from far away. I'd followed it, searched for an eternity for the one it belonged to.

I opened my eyes. They ached. Everything ached, everything except for my right hand.

Someone was holding it.

I turned my head. He was sitting beside the bed, clutching my hand in his lap – a little goat boy with long floppy ears, dressed in a green and yellow striped shirt. Asriel, Toriel and Asgore's son. The one who'd died, poisoned by his best friend. The one who'd returned, a being of fear and loneliness and terrifying power. The one I'd fought and defeated, in that dark howling void between life and death.

But there was no sign of that Asriel now, the fearsome God of Hyperdeath. He was just a little boy, sitting in a chair, his face pointed towards at the ceiling, his eyes shut, whispering to himself.

Strange. So strange. Asriel was dead. Was I dead, too, then?

I lay there and listened. The sweetness of his voice made me forget about the pain.

"Oh stars," Asriel whispered. "Oh, dear, kind stars. Please. Please let Frisk wake up. Please."

Frisk. That's right. That was my name, my real name. And this was my old bed, the one in Toriel's house, in the Ruins, in the Underground.

Behind the whispering of Asriel's prayer, I could make out the distant clatter of someone doing the washing up. The air was thick with the familiar scent of freshly-baked butterscotch pie.

Wait. The dead didn't eat butterscotch pie, and they certainly didn't leave dirty dishes that needed to be washed.

So I wasn't dead. And neither was Asriel.

I tried to sit up, but fell back, gasping. My chest. My chest ached like there was a lump of ice planted in it.

Asriel wheeled around. His mouth fell open and his violet eyes grew even wider than they already were.

"F-frisk?"His voice was still a whisper, quivering with hope and disbelief.

"What time is it?" I muttered, rubbing my eyes.

Asriel leaped from his chair and sprinted from the room, shouting "Mom! Mooooom!"

I'd only just managed to sit up when he pulled Toriel into the room. Toriel. Goat-mom. I felt as though I hadn't seen her in a lifetime.

"Mom?" I whispered.

When she saw me the still-soapy pan she was clutching slid from her hands and she fell to her knees.

"L- little one?"

But before I could answer, Asriel threw himself at me with a cry of joy. I fell backwards, trying to contain the little white ball of happiness as he hugged me until my ribs ached.

"Frisk," he said, his tears wetting my neck. "Oh Frisk! A-are you… are you really awake?"

"…!" I said, gasping for air.

Toriel pulled the ecstatic little monster off me and then, far more gently, leaned down and hugged me, too.

"Welcome home, my child," she said.

She grabbed her phone and with difficulty stabbed out a text with her big fingers.

Asriel blinked at her. "Who are you messaging, mom?"

"Alphys," she replied. "She wanted to give Frisk a check-up when she finally woke up." She put the phone away and smiled at me. "But before that we need to get you some pie!"

"I'll get it!" cried Asriel, once again running pell-mell out of the room.

Toriel sat down in the chair Asriel had been in and took hold of my hand.

"Thank you, my child," she said, pressing my hand to her lips over and over. "Oh, thank you!"

I frowned. My memories were still a mess. "What did I do, mom?"

Her smile was like day breaking. "You saved us, child. You saved… him." Then the smile slid from her face, replaced by confusion. "But my dear, sweet Frisk, how… how did you save him?"

I tried to remember. I tried, but the memories slid away from me. My head tingled, but even worse than that my chest began to ache.

"No," said Toriel, placing a hand on my forehead. "No, do not worry about it. You are still weak. We will talk about this later."

"Here it is!" Asriel came running into the room, carrying a plate with a slice of pie as big as his head.

As I greedily devoured the pie, Toriel, with Asriel's over-eager interruptions, told me everything that had happened while I'd been unconscious.

My own memories flooded back as she talked. Well, some of them did. There were many things Toriel didn't seem to know about, and I often glanced at Asriel's open face, wondering exactly how much he remembered.

But then the bedroom door flew open and Undyne pushed her way into the room.

"About time you woke up!" she said, gripping my shoulder with a powerful hand and grinning at me. "Talk about lying down on the job. But you know, you did good out there - for a wimpy loser." Her eyes glistened, but only for a split-second. "Heh. I always knew you would."

Alphys appeared, then, poking her head around the tall fish-monster's side. "So h-how are you feeling, Frisk?"

"Sore," I said. Undyne's enthusiastic grip wasn't helping.

As Alphys set about poking and prodding me with a variety of weird machines I soon learned that none of them seemed to remember anything about the final battle after Flowey captured them. Flowey's ultimate form, the human souls, the God of Hyperdeath – they all as might as well have been nightmares from a fever dream. They were gone, and only I remembered them.

I looked into Asriel's gentle eyes. He blinked at me, then a flush reddened his cheeks and he pulled at his ears.

"A-are you really okay, Frisk?" he asked.

"Why?" I asked.

"Your eyes," he said. "They're full of tears."

I smiled and wiped at them with the back of a sleeve. I hadn't noticed.

"I'm fine," I said.

I was more than fine.

Alphys, sitting back and wiping her sweaty forehead, agreed. My Determination and Hope, she said, were just as strong as ever. But then she frowned.

"I-I'm getting some weird readings I don't really understand, though. I'm sure they're nothing, b-but I think we should do some more tests, back at the lab, that is, if you don't..."

Toriel cut Alphys off. "No. The poor child has had enough tests for one day." She knelt beside the bed and ran her fingers through my hair. "What she needs now is food and rest."

There was a knock and a deep voice boomed through the door.

"Ah… is it alright if I come in?"

Toriel sighed and rolled her eyes. Undyne opened the door and a familiar goat monster pushed his huge armoured bulk inside the room.

Asgore.

His kind eyes went wide when he saw me and he smiled hugely. "Frisk!"

He fell to his knees beside the bed and swept me against his barrel-like chest, his blonde beard scratching my face as he hugged me. "My dear child, so you're awake at last!"

Toriel clucked her tongue. "Asgore, put the child down. She needs more rest. And more pie." She stood up. "I will go get her some."

She was almost at the door when Papyrus burst in.

"BUT DON'T FORGET TO LEAVE SOME SPACE FOR SPAGHETTI!"

The lanky skeleton, with his red bandanna wrapped around his bony arm like a waiter's serving cloth, swept a plate of the stuff onto the bed in front of me.

"i wouldn't eat it," said Sans, the shorter of the two skeleton-brothers dawdling into the room with his hands in his pockets. "he cooked it days ago and he's been keeping it in the bottom drawer of his dresser the whole time."

"BUT IT WAS THE BEST I'VE EVER COOKED," explained Papyrus. "I DON'T THINK I'D BE ABLE TO OUTDO IT! BESIDES, SPAGHETTI ONLY GETS BETTER WITH AGE."

"that's wine," said Sans.

"WINE?" cried Papyrus. "IN SPAGHETTI? SCANDALOUS!"

I stared at the spaghetti. It certainly did look days old… and was that a sock nestling among the meatballs?

Wait. 'Days'? I'd been asleep for days?

"You wouldn't wake up," said Asriel. "No matter how loud I called out to you." Tears started in his eyes again and he wiped at them with his long, floppy ears. "W-we thought you weren't ever going to wake up."

Sans, meanwhile, had sidled up to the bed. "so," he said, fixing me with a curious blue-white eye. "you managed to find the last piece of him, then. took you long enough."

"WHO ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" Papyrus butt in. "WHO IS THIS MYSTERIOUS 'HIM'? IS HE TALL, HANDSOME, DASHING? … WAIT! IS HE ME?"

I had no idea who Sans was talking about, either, and when I tried to remember that pain in my chest started up again.

Sans shrugged. "hey, don't sweat it. i guess it doesn't matter now, anyway."

"Everyone out," cried Toriel, her face suddenly stern. She'd seen me grimace. "What the little one needs now is rest and pie! Out, out, out!"

My other friends knew better than to argue with Toriel. They said their goodbyes and left, Asriel included, though Asgore had to pry him off when refused to stop hugging me.

Toriel kissed me on the forehead. "Forgive me, my child. I must leave you too for a while to check on the other pie. I will return soon."

Alone again, I lay there, staring up at the ceiling. What had Sans meant? The last piece of who?

My chest twinged. No, he was right. It didn't matter.

All my friends were safe. And now, at last, Asriel was, too. 

* * *

Thanks to mom's cooking, I quickly grew stronger, which was lucky since there was lots to do with the barrier broken and the monsters getting ready to leave for the surface. Asgore made me the official ambassador between humans and monsters and I promised to take the responsibility seriously.

The humans of the City had always seemed alien to me, but now they were doubly alien after everything which had happened. But when they came looking for someone to talk to, the fact that Asgore and all the other monsters had put their trust in me filled me with the determination to meet them.

I'd wondered why Asgore had chosen me as ambassador, but I soon came to understand. I mean, who can be scared of a little kid?

The humans quickly learned that the monsters too, despite their strange appearance, were harmless - the dogs and bunnies being chosen by Asgore as the first monsters to make official contact alongside me certainly helped. The king, despite Toriel's misgivings, proved diplomatic and charming in his own gentle, unassuming way and we soon managed to convince the human authorities that all the monsters wanted was peace.

That's not to say there weren't misunderstandings. There were lots. I mean, how do you integrate living jello and miniature volcanoes into a society of mistrustful hairless apes? But with my friends' help, life eventually returned to… well, you couldn't say normal, exactly.

For one thing I was happy. I had friends at last. And a family, too.

That first evening, when we all stood on the surface for the first time and stared out across at the human City glowing like a distant paradise, Toriel had asked if I would like to stay with her.

Asriel had been there, too. He refused to leave my side for long, as though worried I'd vanish. As he waited for my answer he tugged at his long ears. He often did that when he was nervous.

But when I finally said I'd stay, I was crushed in a two-way furry hug by both monsters.

"I'll be your mom," Toriel said. "For as long as you need someone to care for you,".

"And I'll be your bro!" added Asriel with a grin.

A mother, and a brother too, now. No, not just a brother.

A best friend. 

* * *

A short while later I got a dad, as well. With Asriel reborn and the human souls restored, Asgore and Toriel patched things up at last, although she never did give the poor guy a moment's peace. But Asgore seemed happy to return to being a family man, and also a part-time groundsman at Toriel's new school. He set aside his crown and his trident for an old beat-up straw hat and a pair of pruning shears and never looked back.

With peace between humans and monsters, there wasn't much for an ambassador to do any more and so I fell back into being a little kid again. Soon it felt as though my happy family life with Toriel, Asgore and Asriel was all I'd ever known. I never called them by those names, though. To me they were mom, dad and Az.

At the start Az and I, just like real siblings, shared a room together. We had a bunk bed. He let me have the top bunk. It wasn't a new bed, but I didn't ask why they had a bunk bed lying around. The answer was staring at me when I lay down on the top bunk for the first time.

Scratched into the wooden frame were the words CHARA WAS HERE.

I covered the carving with some of Asriel's Mettaton stickers. The robot's winking face wasn't my first choice of someone to share my bed with, but he was better than… than her. I didn't want to see her name. I didn't even want to think it.

I already saw her face enough in my dreams, enough to last me a thousand lifetimes.

One day, when she was visiting us for tea with Undyne, Alphys offered to help me remember, saying that she'd designed a machine which could bring my memories back. But mom, with some sternness, told her that it was better not to dredge up the past and that the important thing was that everyone was happy. Alphys pushed her glasses back on her nose and glanced across at Undyne, who was trying to grab a sugar cube with the tongs. It shattered into powder and she sat back in her chair, grinning and rubbing the back of her head.

"I-I suppose you're right," Alphys said with a shy smile.

Az agreed with mom.

"Every time I try to remember, my chest stings," he said. "Maybe sometimes you forget things for a reason."

I decided he was right and stopped trying.

We talked about everything else that had happened, though. Asriel remembered fighting me, remembered being filled with fear and loneliness and a desire to reset everything, but anything to do with Flowey had become vague, like a half-forgotten nightmare.

I envied him that.

Asriel still loved flowers, though. Now we were on the surface, he could grow whatever flowers he liked. He even had a little patch of golden flowers. They grew like weeds on the surface. Dad was forever having to dig them out of other parts of the garden, but he loved the tea made from them and he loved the way Az happily tended his one little patch, so he put up with it.

Seeing the golden flowers in the vase in the kitchen often filled me with melancholy, but Az loved them so like dad I just put up with it.

Mom opened her school and Az and I both went there. At first there were more monsters than humans, but local families soon learned what a great teacher mom was and sent their kids there, too. That always made mom proud.

She was a great teacher, and we both loved going to school. We made lots of friends, monsters and humans alike.

Life was so carefree in those days. After school, I'd go with Az into the forest around the house, hunting snails for mom's snail pies. I still hadn't got a taste for them, but I did enjoy hunting snails. I'd always been a bit of a tomboy, wandering the wilderness on my own. I guess I'd always wanted to stay as far away from my fellow humans as I could but now, with a family, I finally felt strong enough to deal with other people.

But I still didn't really understand them. Luckily, Az was always there to back me up. On his own he was kind of a crybaby, but together the two of us seemed to be able to overcome a lot of things we couldn't deal with on our own.

And I always knew where to find him if he was upset. The lookout.

I found out about it on our first Valentine's Day. I'd woken up to find a little heart-shaped box at the bottom of my bed. As soon as I touched it, Az poked his head over the side of the bed.

"Happy Valentines day, sis!"

I went digging for the card I'd made him at school. It was a picture of the two of us made from pasta stuck on cardboard and painted, badly.

"I love it," he said when I handed it to him. "Go on, open yours!"

I opened the box. Inside were hand-made chocolates.

"Mom showed me how to make them," he explained excitedly. "I kept burning myself, but it was worth it. They look great, right? Try one!"

I bit my lip. "Uh, maybe later," I said.

Az frowned. "What's the matter?" he asked, the smile slipping from his face. "Are.. are you feeling sick or something.?"

I shook my head.

He stuck his face in the box. "They… they don't look that bad, do they?"

"No, they look delicious," I said. "It's just that… it's just that I'm allergic to chocolate."

Az laughed. "No you're not. You love it!"

Slowly he realised his mistake. It wasn't me who'd loved chocolate. His face fell and his lip started to quiver. Suddenly he snatched up the box and ran from the room.

"I'm so sorry!" he cried.

"Az, wait!" I shouted after him.

He was already out of the house as I ran through the living room in my pyjamas. Mom did a double-take as she came out of the kitchen carrying a fresh pie for breakfast.

"My child, whatever is the-?"

"It's Az," I said, breathless. "I'll explain later!"

I wandered the forest looking for him everywhere. I finally heard him crying and followed the sound. The trail led me in a direction I'd never been before, up the side of a ridge. An incredible view burst open me as I reached the top. I would have stood there and stared, mouth agape, if I hadn't seen Az sitting a short distance away on a fallen cedar.

He turned and started when I got close, but I stopped him before he could run away. "No, Az, wait!"

He put his face in his hands and started crying again. The heart-shaped box was lying nearby.

"Az, I'm sorry!"

He lifted his tear-stained face and blinked at me. "Sorry? Why?"

"You made those chocolates for me," I said. "And I..."

Az shook his head. "No sis, I'm the one who's sorry. I… I got confused. I… thought it was you who loved chocolate. But it was..."

He left her name unspoken, but it hung there huge in the silence on the edge of the world.

I threw my arms around his neck. "C'mon, bro. Stop crying."

"But I wanted today to be special," he sniffed. "I wanted… I wanted to show you this place."

"This place?"

He nodded. "I found it a few days ago. But I kept it secret, even from mom and dad. I wanted to surprise you."

I sat down next to him on the fallen tree.

"It's beautiful," I said, looking out across the landscape. From where we were sitting you had an incredible view of Mt Ebott on one side and of the City and the bay on the other. A short distance in front of us the ridge dropped away suddenly. It was a beautiful place, but a bit scary, too.

"I don't need anything more than this, Az," I said with a sigh. "It's perfect."

He rubbed at his face with the sleeves of his pyjamas. "You.. you really think so?"

We sat there together for a long time, just enjoying each other's company and not saying anything.

"We'd better get back," I said at last. "Mom and dad might be worried."

"Frisk?"

"What is it, bro?" Az only ever called me Frisk when he was being really serious.

He turned to me. The deep sadness on his face broke my heart.

"Frisk, I… I feel ashamed, sometimes. About her."

Her. There was only one 'her'.

"Ashamed? Why?"

He sat there, wringing his hands. "That… that I loved her so much. That… that even after she did such terrible things, I couldn't stop loving her."

I looked out across the landscape stretching before us. I couldn't bear to see his face when I asked him the question.

"Do… do you still love her, Az?"

His hand touched mine. I turned to see him smiling at me and shaking his head.

"No," he said. "No, she's gone, now, sis. Just a nightmare."

"Yeah," I said, taking hold of his hand. "Just a nightmare."

Silence for a while. Then:

"You've got nothing to be ashamed of, Az," I said. "Auntie Undyne once told me something. That love is the scariest opponent there is, since you can't predict what it's going to do."

Az blinked. "Auntie Undyne said that?"

"Yeah," I replied. "I think she was talking about Auntie Alphys."

"So love's a whole lot more complicated than just giving someone chocolates," said Az, philosophically.

The chocolates. I suddenly felt bad.

"I love the box, though," I said. "If it's okay, I want to use it. To keep stuff that's important to me."

"Sure," said Az. He was beaming, now. "That's a great idea, sis."

I leaned across and kissed him on the cheek. "Happy Valentine's Day, bro."

He burst into tears, happy tears this time, and hugged me so tight I found it hard to breathe. 

* * *

The lookout, after that day, became our special place. If we ever needed time to ourselves, we'd always go there. But we never enjoyed being alone for long.

Snail hunting. Picking mushrooms. Chasing froggits and bullying whimsum and just wandering the forest for hours together, holding hands.

It seemed like the most natural thing in the world.

Mom would call us for dinner and we'd rush home. She'd learned to make all sorts of human food now, as well, although I did eat monster food with them at least half the time – snail pie was the exception. I never got a taste for it, no matter how hard I tried. They loved to see me try, though. I'd take a bite and struggle to get past the awful salty taste and the gross texture and act like I was enjoying it. Az would stare at me and cross his wide, violet eyes and spin his floppy ears around, trying to make me laugh. Every single time he managed to make me laugh and I'd have to swallow the gross mouthful so I wouldn't choke.

So like I said, I never learned to like snail pie. But as we sat around the table, a family, I finally felt happy and at peace. They were alien feelings I'd learned about, deep in the Underground, among the monsters.

Happy times. But I was always happiest when I was with him.

Even sleeping in the same room, though, wasn't enough to keep all those dark thoughts away. Az had more nightmares than I did. Often, late at night, I'd wake up to hear him tossing and turning beneath me, kicking out at the sideboard.

"Az? Bro?" I'd whisper.

He'd quieten down. A short while later I'd feel the bed shiver as he climbed up the ladder at the end.

"Can… can I sleep with you tonight, sis?" his voice would float across the dark to me.

I always muttered, but I never said no. The mattress would sink and I'd feel him toss his pillow down and then squeeze his furry little pyjama'ed body next to mine.

Truth was, my muttering was all an act. I liked having him sleep with me. I often got cold at night and Az… well, he was always so warm. Warm inside and out. He'd just lie beside me at first, but after a while he'd roll over and hug me. I'd force myself to stay awake until he did.

It was like having a big stuffed-toy in your bed. The only problem were his longs ears, which would sometimes flop into my face and I'd wake up, sneezing. But it was worth it.

My own nightmares stayed far away whenever he was beside me.

I wished we could share the same room forever. We managed to talk mom and dad out of separating us for a while, but then one day an incident brought the issue to a head.

Az was getting bigger than me, now, and he could sit on me or hold me down no problem. Boss monsters are physically stronger than humans, after all, and he was a boy as well. But even then, if he ever tried to tease me by using his size against me, I had a nuclear option.

Az was super ticklish. He hated being tickled so whenever he tried to use his weight against me, I'd tickle him. A few quick attacks on his ribs or on the soles of his feet if he was foolish enough not to be wearing socks soon sent him squirming on the floor, laughing until I was worried he might choke.

One afternoon we were squabbling over snacks. We were supposed to share a pack of popato chisps and Asriel was in a playful mood. He kept holding them just out of my reach. He'd sprung up a few inches over the past months while I was still as close to the ground as ever.

The fight started in the living room and progressed up the stairs and across the corridor, through mom and dad's room and finally into our own. Az climbed up onto the top bunk, my bed, and started stuffing chisps in his mouth as I struggled to climb the ladder.

"Hey! Stop it!" I cried, climbing madly. "You'll get crumbs in my bed!"

He made smacking noises and pretended not to hear me. Annoyed, I was left with no other option.

I flung myself at him and started tickling his ribs. This time there was no foreplay, no messing around, no threats, just a direct attack. He started laughing even before I touched him, but as soon as my fingers brushed his sides he began throwing his arms and legs around in a vain attempt to stop me. The packet of chisps went flying but I no longer cared about it. All I had in mind was revenge.

"Ah! Ah! Sis, stoppit! Stoppit!"

"No mercy!" I cried, my hands slipping up to his neck. That part was ticklish, too. I was lying on top of him by now and although I was pretty light, his laughter had rendered him powerless.

I kept up my assault. I wouldn't let up until I'd got what I wanted, and that was to hear him bleat. I knew it embarrassed him, when he lost all control and stuck out his tongue and started bleating like a goat. It was the cutest thing ever. I needed to hear it.

His laughter shifted.

I grinned. "Hey bro, did I just hear a… bleat?"

His struggles became more desperate. "No, sis! No! Stoppit! I'm going to… I'm going to… mehhh!"

I laughed. But once wasn't enough. I scooshed back so that my butt was on his pelvis and I slid my hands under his armpits.

He went crazy. "No! No! Mehhh! Mehh mehh mehhhhhh!

I stopped then, and sat back laughing.

"Ow," I said. Something hard was sticking into my butt. I leaned forward again.

Az was staring up at me, a strange look on his face. I laughed again.

"Hey bro," I said, bringing my face an inch from his. "You're as red as a beet!"

He looked so serious. His violet eyes were wide, moist with tears from all the laughing. In the electric light they sparkled. It was the weirdest thing. Had his eyes always looked like that? With their long lashes? When had he started looking so cute? And his chest, firm beneath mine. He was really warm. Lying on him like this was nice. He smelled nice, too. There were popato chisps on his breath, sure, but there was another smell. His fur had it. His clothes had it. It was his just smell, I guess.

I liked it. A lot.

I was so close to him. If I wanted to, I could just lean in a little closer and I'd be kissing him.

My heart raced. My face was so close to his I could feel his breath.

His wide eyes blinked. "Uh, sis? Are you… are you okay?"

I realised I was staring. "It's nothing," I said. My face burned. I was blushing. Mortified, I let go of his hands and rolled off him.

Straight away he grabbed my pillow and put it in his lap. I frowned but said nothing. Wait. Was he blushing now, too?

He turned away. "Sorry for teasing you," he said.

Phew. Luckily, he hadn't seemed to have noticed my weird reaction.

"Hey," I said suddenly remembering the reason for the whole fight. "Where did the chisps go? I think I saw them flying over-"

I looked over the edge of the bed. The door to the room, which had been ajar, slid closed like a guilty thing.

My heart leaped into my throat. Someone had been there, watching. I knew it could only have been mom. She'd seen everything.

That night there was a family meeting. Nothing about the tickle-fight was mentioned. Mom just said, matter-of-fact, that we were getting too big to stay in the same room and that dad would clear out the stuff from the spare room.

Dad didn't seem too happy about the idea, but he went along with it. He glanced at me. He could tell neither Az nor I were happy, either. But one look at mom's face told us all that there was no point arguing. She'd made up her mind and so it was going to happen.

I'd like to say I got used to sleeping in my own room, but I didn't. Even with all the posters and stuff on the walls, it never felt like my own space. I missed sharing the bunk bed.

One night I had a terrible nightmare. In it, I kept getting texts on my phone, strange texts, texts made up of weird symbols, things like stars and crosses and hands.

I rolled out of bed, tried to find the ladder and fell out. I grabbed my pillow and crept out into the corridor making for our old room which Az now had on his own.

In the dark I collided with something and cried out. A hand slipped over my mouth, a fuzzy one.

"Sis, it's just me," Az hissed. "Quiet, or you'll wake mom and dad."

He took his hand away. I sucked in the breath I'd lost from my cry.

"Did I wake you?" I asked.

The soft brushing of his ears across my face told me he was shaking his head.

"I couldn't sleep," he said.

He took my hand and led me back to his room. He slid into bed and pulled me in after him.

"What if mom and dad find out?" I asked.

Asriel snorted. "Oh, c'mon. We're just sleeping together, not… well, you know."

I felt heat from his face. He was blushing. My heart skipped and I felt a weird tightness in my chest.

I reached out for him, wanting to say something, but Az had already rolled over and fallen asleep.

I rolled over and tried to go to sleep, but couldn't. His little tail kept poking into the small of my back where my pyjama tops had rolled up. After a while I felt Az murmur and roll back over. He threw his arms around me and hugged me from behind.

I let him. And in the space of three shared heartbeats I was asleep, too.


	2. Chapter 2

Not long afterwards, Alphys and Undyne got married. No one was surprised when we received the invitations in the mail. They were on Mew Mew Kissy Cutie! stationery and mom just laughed and shook her head. Everyone was super happy for them, though. Undyne was managing a fitness centre now, and Alphys was working for a human lab of some sort. She was busy all the time, so she'd stopped bugging mom about getting Az and me tested. I guess she was just happy to be happy too, now.

They asked Az to be the pageboy and for me to be the flower-girl. Papyrus had wanted to be the flower-girl, but Undyne managed to talk him out of it. When I found out I had to wear a dress, though, I was mortified.

"Do I really have to?" I asked mom. "But dresses are so scratchy. And I always feel… well, you know…" I grimaced. "...cold when I wear them. Can't I wear some nice shorts?"

Dad stroked his beard. "Well, I suppose if they were dressy shorts..."

Mom laughed. "It's only for a few hours, my child, and Alphys and Undyne will be so pleased if you take the trouble."

I sighed. She had me there.

Mom took me shopping for the dress. I'd always hated clothes shopping. I wanted Az to come, but mom shook her head.

"This is woman's business," she said. "Men will just get in the way."

I tried to get out of it by saying I was happy with the first dress I tried on, but mom just laughed and said that we had to try on as many as we could, and if I really did like this one the best we'd come back and get it. We ended up going to to maybe a dozen shops in the end.

But eventually I started to enjoy myself. I found a really nice white dress with a yellow and green sash that I liked straight away. I tried it on and looked at myself in the mirror. Did… did I really look like that? I was kind of pretty, maybe. I did a little twirl. The hem of the dress flicked out as I spun.

It was a very pretty dress.

"I really like this one, mom," I said.

This time mom nodded and smiled. She knew I wasn't just saying that.

The day of the wedding came. We were all scrubbed and combed and put into a semblance of good order. Mom helped me put on my dress.

"The boys are waiting to see you," she said.

When I walked out into the living room, my heart was pounding. I felt strange. I was aware of every bit of my body, even down to how the butterfly pin in my hair felt heavy.

Dad and Az were sitting on the sofa. They both looked so handsome in their tuxes. Az looked grown up all of a sudden, a miniature version of dad.

When they saw me their eyes went wide. I laughed. I was nervous and the way they'd done it in unison was so funny.

"Do a twirl, little one," said mom.

I twirled, awkwardly.

"Wow," said Az. Somehow his eyes had grown even wider. "You look really pretty!"

I turned away, my heart racing. I didn't want him to see how red my face was.

My heart kept racing all the way to the chapel. Az sat beside me in the back of the car, staring out the window as the landscape flashed past.

All of a sudden we entered a tunnel and he laughed.

"What's so funny?" I asked.

"Check out our reflection in the window," he said.

I looked at it. With my white dress and his tux I knew immediately what had made him laugh.

"It looks..." I began.

"It looks like we're getting married too, doesn't it?"

I laughed, but it was a forced laugh. My heart had almost stopped when he'd said that.

"Hey sis," said Az after a while. "Maybe if we don't find anyone we like, we should get married."

I heard mom in the front seat start laughing.

"Ouch," said dad.

Mom turned to him, concerned. "Asgore, what's wrong?"

Dad grimaced. "I think my heart just melted."

Mom glared at him and thumped him on the shoulder. He started laughing.

Married, to Az? I wanted to laugh, too. But the racing of my heart wouldn't let me.

It was all I could think of during the wedding. Dad, even though he wasn't the king any more, still had the power to marry people, and Alphys and Undyne had asked him to do the honours. Papyrus, after he'd been stripped of the position of flower-girl, had argued with Mettaton over being best man, but the crisis had been averted when Undyne shrewdly suggested Mettaton be the maid of honour instead. Papyrus looked surprisingly handsome for a skeleton in his dress-armour.

Alphys stood before the altar dressed in a tux. Her forehead was shining with sweat – she was even more nervous than usual.

The whole time I imagined it was Az up there, as the groom. He was standing in the back of the chapel with me, of course, waiting for the wedding procession to start. I wondered if Az would be as nervous as Alphys at his wedding? I wouldn't be his bride, of course. I couldn't be. I didn't want to be. I was his sister.

But the thought of him standing up there and gazing at someone else the way he'd looked at me in my new dress made me sad. I didn't even notice when Mettaton finished sashaying up the aisle and would have missed my cue if Az hadn't elbowed me. I jumped up and with Az as my escort I walked up the aisle, tossing flowers from my basket across the carpet. There were no golden flowers among them. Alphys had made certain of that.

"You're doing a great job, sis," Az whispered.

We took our places alongside mom on the far end of the sanctuary. She beamed at the two of us. I squeezed the now-empty basket to my chest.

Moments later the music rose heroically and Undyne appeared. She was dressed in a white mermaid-cut wedding dress, her long red hair done up in a fountain of gorgeous ringlets. She looked utterly beautiful. As she strode up the aisle, Alphys's eyes boggled out of her head and she started to sway and sweat so much I thought she would faint. But Undyne grinned at her as she leaped up the steps two at a time and grabbed her before she could.

Dad's voice boomed across the chapel, taking them through the vows. He really was an impressive guy at times. I know mom criticised him a lot, but I always had a lot of respect for him. He was in his element in this sort of thing, the ceremonial part of being a king. I guess mom had always been the practical one.

"Do you have the ring?" dad intoned.

That was Az's cue. I squeezed his hand.

He trotted out across the sanctuary, carrying the velvet cushion with the ring on it. He was halfway across when a little white dog leaped out from the apse and grabbed the key in his mouth.

"THAT VILLAINOUS DOG HAS PILFERED THE RING!" Papyrus cried. "FEAR NOT! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, SHALL APPREHEND IT!"

And with that the skeleton flung himself off the stage into the crowd. The wedding party descended into uproar. Everyone jumped out of their seats and chased the little white dog around the chapel. The only one not moving was Sans. He just stood there, watching with a lazy grin on his face as we chased the dog up and down the pews.

Finally Sans shrugged and lifted a single bony finger. The dog's mouth shone blue and the ring, snatched by San's magic, rose into the air. The little dog jumped up and down, trying to reach it, but Sans kept it floating just out of reach.

He sent the ring spinning back and forth across the front row of pews and the little white dog pursued it, barking the whole time.

Eventually the dog gave up. It leaped onto the font, lapped up some holy water, and then ran barking out of the chapel.

Sans floated the ring back onto the cushion. Az, as flustered as the rest of us, still managed to perform his task and this time Alphys picked up the ring and, trembling, took Undyne's hand.

Undyne was just as nervous, now. She was drilling her toes into the floorboards and had already made a little ring of sawdust around her foot.

In the end it only took Alphys four tries to get the ring on her finger.

Dad grinned hugely and boomed, "You may now kiss the bride!"

Alphys had to step on tippy-toes, but she still managed it. It was a pretty long, passionate kiss. I imagined it was Az kissing me. The guests roared. I felt faint. Az caught me.

"Hey sis, you okay?"

"Just dizzy," I said.

"Here, lean against me."

I did. He slipped his arm around my waist. I sighed and placed my head on his shoulder. He smelled good. I think dad had let him wear some of his aftershave. It was a grown-up scent.

I felt better. My heart never stopped racing, though, even all the way to the reception and then back home.

* * *

Time passed. It was our last year of elementary school. Junior high beckoned. I was nervous, but excited. Az was just plain nervous.

"But all those new people," he said. "I heard there's like hundreds of kids. Lot of humans, too. Mostly humans."

I laughed. "C'mon, bro. You're not still scared of humans, are you?"

"Some humans," he said, looking at me.

"Don't worry about it," I said. "I'll be there."

His smile was a little unsure, but he nodded.

"Hey," I said. "Since when has your big sister ever let you down?"

Even though he was older than me, especially if you took all the strangeness of the timeline into account, I still always felt like his older sister.

Az still looked worried so I leaned forward and booped him on the snoot with my nose. We'd often seen mom and dad do it so I guess to begin with we were just mimicking them, but somewhere along the line it had become our thing. Az pulled away, laughing. It was the reaction I wanted. He got disheartened pretty easily if you let him, but a boop would always snap him out of it.

One morning, in that long summer which never seemed to end between the finish of elementary school and the beginning of junior high, Az sidled up to me after breakfast.

"Hey, do you wanna go to the lookout later?"

I looked at him. We hadn't been to the lookout together for a long time. I'm not sure why. I guess things had just got busy. We'd been spending more time with our friends from school as well, sleepovers and the like, but since we shared the same friends it didn't feel all that different. But when he mentioned the lookout I felt a twinge in my chest. Maybe I was just worried that my life as a kid was coming to an end. I knew it was stupid to worry about it. I was just going to junior high, and Asriel was going to the same one. Maybe it was just that feeling of being drawn-out that you get over summer, when the days are hot and lazy and go on forever, and yet when the night finally falls it's with a terrible sense of finality. Everything reminds you that things come to an end.

I guess I was a pretty messed-up kid to think stuff like that. But then again, a lot of messed-up stuff had happened to me.

I told Az I'd meet him there after I finished my coffee. I was trying to learn how to drink coffee, since it seemed the adult thing to do. Even full of milk and sugar I couldn't bear any more than a few sips. I waited till he was gone and poured the coffee down the sink.

Dad was out replacing some of the tiles on the roof. He waved to me as I came out blinking into the already hot sun.

"Have fun, sugar-bun!"

I waved back. I'd gotten closer to Asgore the older I got. We had a strange bond. I think he was still guilty for trying to kill me.

Like I said, some pretty messed-up stuff.

Asriel was already at the lookout waiting for me. As soon as I poked my head past the wild azalea bushes he rushed over.

"Sis! Sis!" he said, butting his head at me and parting his hair. "Look!"

Bemused, I took a step back. "What am I looking for, exactly?"

He sighed and grabbed my hand. "Here," he said. "It's easier to feel them."

He ran my hand over his hair and I felt them. Short, sharp little protrusions.

Horns.

I pulled my hand away. "Wow," I said. "Your first horns. Cool."

Asriel, sweet innocent soul that he was, didn't pick up on my irony. "I know, right?" He hopped up onto the old fallen cedar and began to kick his legs. "At last."

I joined him.

"Do you think my horns will ever be as big as dad's?" he asked, his face alight.

"Maybe," I said. I wasn't sure. It was good to have big horns if you were a monster, right? Like having big boobs if you were a girl. I glanced down the front of my shirt and suddenly regretted being ironic to him. My boobs were barely bigger than bee-stings. There was a girl at our school, Patience, although we all called her 'the girl with the ribbon' because she always wore one in her hair – she already had huge boobs.

I didn't like Patience much. One time at school she opened her bag and showed me her knife. It was a toy one, but it scared me all the same. I'd always hated knives.

Knives reminded me of her.

Why did Patience show me the knife? She had a trick where she'd toss it into the air and catch it. Her dad was a knife-thrower in the circus and she wanted to be one, too. Well, at least that's what she told everyone.

"I'm practising until I can do it with a real knife" she explained.

Patience. Patience by name and patient by nature. Az often accused me of being unfair to her. I was. I knew I was. The knife thing was just an excuse.

Those big boobs. Geeze, how I hated her.

Mom had big boobs too, but I didn't hate her of course. She'd started to annoy me, though. Around this time she decided we had to go bra-shopping. I suppose it was a big mother-daughter thing. It was kind of fun, I guess. We had fro-yo for lunch. While we ate, Mom joked that she was sad she couldn't have snails as a topping. But by the end of the day I wasn't able to buy anything beyond a boring training bra. All of them were plain or childish. The whole process seemed silly. Mom was proud of me, though.

Truth was, I didn't want to worry about stuff like that. At the time I would have been happy if I'd stayed flat-chested the rest of my life. And to make things worse, Mom was always trying to get me to grow my hair out.

"But it will look so pretty," she said one time over breakfast. "Wouldn't you like to be able to wear pigtails like Muffet?"

I said I liked my friend Tom the Temmie's hair better and dad almost choked on his tea from laughing, earning him a death-stare from mom.

So now Az had those horns. He was getting bigger, too. His legs were longer. I didn't seem to have grown at all.

I'd definitely grown crabbier, though.

Things didn't get better for my moodiness at junior high. The place was huge compared to mom's school, and monsters were in the minority there. Neither of us fit in: a goat monster and a short girl with squinty eyes and an unhealthy complexion who looked like a boy. We ended up spending a lot of time together at school as well, even though we had different home-rooms.

One day I found Asriel staring into his locker. It was the beginning of lunch time and I usually met him there after collecting my own packed lunch. We always brought packed lunches. Mom's food was a thousand times better than anything we could get in the cafeteria.

"Hey Az," I said, putting my hand on his shoulder. "What's wrong?'

He flinched. I moved in closer.

He had a split lip and was holding some tissue up against it. There were tears in his eyes.

"I hate this place," he whispered.

He wouldn't tell me who did it. He knew I'd go and fight them and he didn't want everyone to see a girl fighting his battles for him. I would have fought them, too. I hated fighting but I was angry.

I took Az to the nurse and he wouldn't tell her, either.

It happened a few more times, but Az hid it from me. I asked around and soon I had a pretty good idea who was bullying him. The usual kind of kids: bigger, more confident, more popular. They bullied a lot of the weaker kids, especially the monsters since they knew they wouldn't fight back. I remembered them teasing poor Tom the Temmie one time, mocking her temmie-speak and asking her whether she was a boy or a girl.

Truth was, I didn't know myself. But the bullies just wanted to humiliate her.

I waited for the right time to make them pay for harassing Az. But things came to a head sooner than I expected.

There were three of us, now. I'd actually made a friend. She was a quiet kid who wore glasses and was always carrying around this old, tattered notebook. I'd asked her what it was and she'd clutched it closer to her chest. But after a while she warmed up to me and told me she wrote stories.

"Fanfiction, mostly," she said. "About Mettaton and Papyrus and the other monsters." She'd blinked at me and then in a rush she said, "Hey, you're the one who brought the monsters back, right? And your family are monsters, too, right?

I answered all her breathless questions. Her name, when I finally got it out of her, was Phillipa, though she preferred to be called Pippy.

Az had a love-hate relationship with Pippy. She was so excited when I introduced them that she fired off a million questions at him about the Underground, our parents, monsters, everything. Az was embarrassed by her. He only wanted to fit in, and getting all this attention was mortifying for him. It was the reason he'd sworn me and all the monsters to secrecy about the whole "mom and dad were king and queen once" thing.

But the trip to the zoo gave us all a chance to bond. I think that was the point of the whole thing. We got given the usual clipboards with a work sheet and were supposed to learn something about animals or their habitats or something. No one did the worksheet, or course.

I was just happy to get a chance to hang around with Az. I'd started to miss him. Even though we had lunch and sometimes study-hall together, it wasn't the same as before.

He was a little grumpy towards Pippy to start with, but it was hard to stay that way. Pippy was just so easy going. We started to have a good time, running around the zoo and enjoying the rare freedom to go wherever we wanted.

We all had to get back together for lunch, though. As we were sitting down with our lunches I realised I'd I left my clipboard at the okapi enclosure. I'd been drawing them, or trying to draw them. I was a pretty bad artist.

When I got back there was a big crowd near the petting zoo. I couldn't see what was happening, but then Pippy came running up to me in a panic.

"Frisk! Frisk!" she cried, grabbing hold of my arm. "It's Az! He's in trouble!"

I pushed my way through the crowd. Az was rolling about on the ground with a human boy. I knew the kid, a guy called Luca. He was the tall, arrogant boy I knew was probably behind the bullying. Two of his friends were keeping others back from helping. A boy ran past us. I knew him. Alex. He was the guy that was always bringing home-made cupcakes to school. All the kids liked him because of those cupcakes.

"I'll go get the teachers," he said.

I pushed my way to the front of the crowd. "Get off him!" I cried.

Luca had Az on the ground now and was on top of him, pulling his ears. Az, blood pouring from his nose, was crying and grabbed at Luca's wrists, but the bully just ignored him and laughed.

I saw red. I threw myself at Luca and knocked him onto the ground. He had no idea who'd attacked him. The two of us rolled across the ground, wrestling, a ball of arms and legs, until he pushed me off. Then he came at me. Luckily, all those fights in the Underground had made me really good at dodging and I ducked away from his every attempt to grab me.

I saw an opening. I kicked him hard in the shins and he lost his footing and fell right on top of me. He threw an arm out to try and stop himself and the heel of his hand ended up in my eye. I cried out and fell to my knees, clutching my face.

"Sis!" Asriel's voice, horrified. "You bastard, you hurt her!"

Pippy's voice. "Asriel! No!"

Scattered gasps from the onlookers and then a cry of horror. I smelled burning.

I pulled my hand away. My eye was already puffy and filled with tears, but from the other I saw Luca slapping himself all over his body in a panic.

Smoke. His clothes were on fire.

I swung around. Asriel was standing there, his lips curled back, his usually gentle violet eyes harsh despite the tears in them, his hands wreathed in flame.

Those eyes. It had been a long time since I'd seen Az's eyes like that. They shocked me.

The bully's two friends were staring in horror, too. The kid they'd been holding back pushed them away and grabbed Asriel's shoulders.

"Asriel, stop it!" he cried, shaking him. "You'll kill him!"

As though waking from a dream Asriel blinked at him. The harshness in his eyes fled and I saw the same old Az return.

He let his hands drop and burst into tears.

A teacher ran up, then. He threw a blanket over Luca, pushed him to the ground and rolled him back and forth on the grass until the fire was out.

And that was the end of our trip to the zoo.

I soon learned what I'd imssed. The school school was abuzz with it. Luca had climbed into the goat enclosure of the petting zoo and had grabbed a big she-goat by the back legs.

"Hey Asriel," he cried out. "Check it out! I'm doing your mom!"

A bunch of kids laughed. Asriel leaped over the fence and pushed him away from the goat. He'd always been protective of mom.

"Smells just like your mom, too," Luca had said.

Asriel took a swing at him but Luca blocked his punch easily. Then he picked up Az, who was much smaller than him, by the ears, making him bleat in pain.

I guess the laughter of the other kids just sent Az over the edge. He threw himself at Luca and that was where I came in.

Mom and dad got called in to school, of course. Az and I looked a state, him with his bloody nose and me with my eye puffed over. The Principal started to talk about how it was totally unacceptable that Az had endangered another child with his magic and that steps would have to be taken to…

At this point mom leaped to her feet. "What are you talking about?" she exploded. "Just look at my little ones! How can you sit there and scold the poor things? Where are the ones who did this to my children? I'll-!"

Dad grabbed mom's hand and managed to calm her down. He was always the more diplomatic of the two. He took control of the interview after that and as I heard him talk I suddenly knew why he'd been the king of the Underground. Under the onslaught of dad's kind words and gentle persuasion, the principal was soon looking chagrined and assured our parents something would be done about the bullying. He would talk with the other parents and explain the situation.

The other parents weren't happy, but someone else came to our rescue: the girl with the ballet shoes. At least, that was what everyone called her. Her real name was Allie. She was respected by all the other kids, which was a pretty huge feat given the fact that she was the rich kid and both her mom and dad were on the school board. She'd had an uphill battle to make friends, but she was just one of those people who you can't help but like. She was totally honest and dependable.

Allie told her parents the whole story of what had happened, and so when talk of lawyers and such was bandied around, her parents spoke to the bullies' parents. There was no more talk of lawyers. The school brought in some feel-good anti-bullying policies and the whole incident was forgotten about.

Luca and the other bullies, however, didn't get the memo. They knew that Az couldn't use his fire again. Mom had warned him. As an ambassador for monsters, he had to fight fair. But Az, well… he was never much of a fighter. I couldn't always be around to help him out. He still got bullied a lot.

But then one lunch after Az had been pushed out of the lunch line like usual, a big kid came up to us. His name was Gerard, but we all called him 'the kid with the gloves'. His dad was a boxer and he was training to be one, too.

"Here," he said, planting a big pair of gloves on the table. "They're yours. Monster-size. See you in the gym after school."

I often went to watch Az train. I'm not sure I was entirely happy about it, but it gave him more confidence. Gerard was a nice guy, too. The two became friends. It was good for Az to have friends, especially other guy friends. It had started to get a bit weird recently, our conversations over lunch. When we'd been small, our worlds had almost completely overlapped: exploring the forest, squabbling over snacks, mom and dad… like I said, I'd always been a tomboy.

But now… well, things had changed. I found myself spending a lot more time talking to Pippy about things like TV shows and fanfiction. The two of us started going shopping together. I actually bought some hair-clips. I'd always hated them before, and asked mom to cut my hair in bangs so I didn't have to worry about them.

But now I was letting my hair grow out a bit. I wasn't sure why. I guess it was because the other girls wore it long and I stuck out. Patience, who'd come with us from elementary school, wore hers long. Her mom was Japanese and she'd inherited her hair: long and black like a wave of dark water. Whether she wore it in a pony-tail or just loose, it was always beautiful. I envied her that hair. All the girls did.

But I never said anything in front of Patience. Her adult body and her adult attitude meant she was one of the most popular girls. Like I said, she wasn't a bad person. I just hated her, the only way a teenager can hate someone they're jealous of.

Az made another friend, Gerard's friend, the boy who'd tried to get involved that day at the zoo. His name was Justin. He was a nice guy as well, though a bit serious. It took me a while to realise he'd actually gone to mom's school like Patience and Tom. But back then he'd always worn a cowboy hat and carried this toy gun around.

"Bang, bang!" he'd cry, jumping out at you from behind a bush. But he was no wandering gun-slinger, he was always the sheriff. And he was a sheriff by nature, now, though he'd ditched the hat and gun. He'd grown big and imposing and he kept a lookout for injustice at every turn.

But just like me, he couldn't be everywhere. Az still had to deal with those bullies.

Az. It was around now that we started going our own ways. I hadn't even noticed. I'd become too wrapped up in school and parties and keeping up with my social circle.

A social circle. Me. I couldn't believe it, either. But Az and I were still close, closer even than siblings.

Siblings. Brother and sister. I'd started to hate those words.

One day at the end of school I was packing my books away into my locker when Pippy came running up.

"Frisk! Frisk! He's going to fight him!"

"Who?"

"Az! He's going to fight Luca!"

Finding them was easy. The kids were all moving in one direction, hurrying with that secretive slowness that kids can manage when they don't want adults to know they're up to something. The school bordered an old field on one side and there was already a crowd around the gate.

I pushed my way to the front. People made way for me. Everyone knew I was Az's sister.

I found myself face to face with Patience in the front row.

"Oh Frisk, he's so cool," she said, breathless.

I blinked at her. "Who?"

She stared at me like I was crazy. "Your brother, of course!"

I pushed past her. The crowd had left a space like a make-shift arena. Az and Luca were standing in the centre.

"Luca was bullying Tom again," explained Patience. "Tossing her around and making her talk Temmie."

I knew the situation. Tom spoke English normally, but whenever she got stressed she started talking like a Temmie. I guess this time they'd taken things too far.

Luca suddenly lunged at Az and I cried out, but Az just stepped aside and the blow missed him. Luca went off balance and Az helped him along with a shove.

Luca stumbled, but stayed on his feet. He wheeled around, his face red with rage, and came at Az again.

This time Az just lowered his head and Luca came straight up against his horns. Az's horns had started to curl recently, so all they did was wind him.

Luca fell back, gasping and muttering something under his breath I couldn't hear.

It must have been something pretty bad. Az scowled and took a step toward him.

"Az, no!" I cried, running out between them. I'd seen that look on his face before. That look of kindled rage just before he'd set Luca's clothes alight.

"Yeah, Asriel, listen to your sister," said Luca, pulling me beside him. "You don't want to try your monster magic like last time. You'll get expelled." He turned to me. "Tell him."

"Az, just let it go," I said. "He's not worth it."

"'He's not worth it'!" mimicked Luca. "Listen to your 'sister', Az. You know she's in love with you, right?"

Az's mouth dropped open.

"Shut up!" I said, pushing Luca.

Luca shoved me and I fell back on my butt. "Don't touch me, you fat ugly bitch!" he spat.

Az was on him in a heartbeat. I cried out but Az didn't use his magic. He brought back his fist and smashed Luca straight across the mouth with it. The bully fell straight back onto his butt, blood pouring from his lip.

"Don't ever talk about my sister again," Az hissed.

"Teachers!" cried a kid, and in an instant the whole crowd dispersed in every direction. Teachers turned up and pulled Az and Luca away from each other. There was no need. The fight was over. All the fights were over, after that day.

Mom and dad got called in. This time there was no talking our way out of the situation. Az got a suspension, as did Luca. They didn't really care who'd started the fight. I guess it was just easier to punish everyone involved.

Mom grounded Az for a month, but dad… well, I couldn't help but feel dad was sort of proud of him.

I was sort of proud of him, too. That night, as I lay in bed, all I could see was Az swinging that punch and the flash of blood from Luca's lip. Az had looked so… well, cool, just like Patience had said. But I'd also glimpsed something else. That anger. I'd seen it before, and not just at the zoo that time. I'd seen it in that dark limbo, that awful, howling void beyond the power of SAVE.

It frightened me. And yet, I kind of liked it, too.

"Don't ever talk about my sister again," he'd said.

I squeezed my pillow to my chest, hoping the pressure would slow the rapid racing of my heart.

After the suspension Az returned to school. He'd changed. Somehow, during that week of being suspended, he'd grown taller, stronger. Even his horns seemed longer. Maybe he was just holding his head higher, now. Maybe it was just my imagination.

But whatever the reason, I couldn't help but feel that Az had grown up while I hadn't been paying attention.

* * *

High school. It felt as though we'd had just enough time to get used to a new school and now we had to do it all over again. Luckily, this time things weren't so bad since most of our friends came with us. There were lots more monsters there, as well, and Az and I had a lot less trouble settling in.

Halfway into the first term the whole tenth grade went to camp. It was a tradition at the high school, supposed to help new students bond. The camp we went to was your typical summer camp on a lake with all the associated campy things to do – hiking, kayaking, archery, that sort of thing.

We had free time when we first arrived. It was hot, so we all got into our swimming costumes and ran out to leap into the lake.

Pippy was having her period, so she just sat on the little pier and sketched while me and Allie and Patience and a bunch of other girls leaped into the water. We bobbed there, pushing and splashing and squealing.

"Hey, look," said Allie suddenly. She pointed out to the shore. "The boys."

Patience laughed. "Check out how pale Alex is!"

I frowned. He was, but she didn't have to say it like that. Alex was a really nice guy.

"Hey Frisk," said Allie. "Isn't that Az?"

I followed her gaze. Az was with them. He and Gerard were horsing around, as usual, slapping each other with towels. They tossed them to the ground and sprinted out into the water.

"Wow," said Allie. "Your brother's really built, isn't he?"

Built?

I looked at Asriel as he pumped his legs and raced Gerard into the water. Built. Yeah, he was built, wasn't he? He'd got tall, too. I hadn't really noticed. It must've been all that training with Gerard. He'd joined the swim team as well. Maybe that was it.

Dad was built, too. I guess it was just in his genetics.

Yeah, Az was built, but not quite like dad. Where dad was a barrel-chested monster with huge guns, Az's body was slim and toned. He had a little extra tuft of fuzz on his chest, too. It was cute.

Cute. The word kept slipping into my head whenever I saw him. And not the cute you use when you're describing a puppy or kitten, either.

I looked at Allie and Patience. They weren't saying anything. They were just staring at him.

"Hey," I said. "Stop it."

"What?" said Allie, blinking.

"Doing that thing. With your eyes. He's my brother."

Patience didn't stop looking. "He's your step-brother," she corrected.

"Well, he feels like my real brother," I said.

"Then you shouldn't mind us looking," said Patience. "It's not like you can go out with him."

She had me there.

Allie saw my face and she playfully splashed Patience. "Hey, looking is one thing. You're literally raping him with your eyes!"

Patience wiped the water from her eyes. "Oh, you've done it now, sister!"

And so the splashing fight started anew. But my heart wasn't in it.

Asriel. He really was good looking. He wasn't just cute, either. He was sexy, too. I hadn't noticed.

Well, he was my brother.

Wait, no. Step-brother.

After a while Asriel started making for the shore alone. I left the girls to their game and swam to catch up with him.

He was knee-deep in the water when I reached him.

"Hey bro," I said, grabbing his shoulder.

He swung around, startled at first, but then his face burst into a beaming smile. "Oh, hey sis. The water's awesome, isn't it?"

I nodded.

Az's eyes slipped over me. I blinked at him and glanced down, following his gaze. Embarrassed, he met my eyes again and smiled shyly.

"The wind is cold though, isn't it? Let's go get dry. Hey, do you know they have white-water rafting here?"

I grabbed hold of his arm. Az blinked in surprise, but he didn't push me away. It'd been a while since we'd walked together like this. I didn't realise until then how much I missed it.

God, he was handsome. And his arm… his fur was soft, but the muscles under his arm were like rock.

He'd been looking at me. I guess, now we had separate rooms, we only ever saw each other fully clothed. Clothes hide a lot of things.

Maybe I'd changed without him noticing, as well. I wore a lot of sweaters. My boobs, which had been those little bee-stings for so long, had finally come in. I was a bit embarrassed by them. They weren't Patience's by a long shot, but they were big enough to embarrass me.

And my hips. God, my hips. Somehow I seemed to have inherited mom's hips. On mom they looked good, though, since they balanced with her busty top half. I just ended up having extra difficulty finding clothes for someone with a narrow waist and big hips and butt.

Az's eyes on me felt different from before. Did… did he like what he saw? Nah, of course not. He was probably just wondering about this swimsuit, wondering why I was wearing something so childish. We weren't allowed to bring two-pieces, but even if we had been, I wouldn't have brought one. I didn't have the body for it. Now Patience, she was built for it. She looked good in anything.

As we stepped out of the water, I glanced back at her and the others. Like I thought. They'd been watching us.

I slipped my arm from out of Az's. It seemed strange, now. I was his sister. Why was I being so jealous of him?

It didn't stop me from trying to keep him to myself during the camp, though. If he got sick of me, he didn't show it. We had an awesome time together.

On our last night we had a bonfire on the lake. There was a wind up and I was having trouble getting my group's fire started. This sort of practical thing always fell to me, for some reason.

I'd started swearing under my breath when I felt someone touch my shoulder.

"Here, let me."

A long arm reached out in front of me, the white fur palely luminous under the moonlight. The palm turned up and a red flame appeared in it.

"Az!" I hissed, grabbing his wrist. "You know you're not supposed to…!"

"I'm not doing anything bad," he whispered to me. In the cool breeze his ear, pressed up against my cheek, felt warm, and I was surrounded by his scent. Most boys my age smelled like monkeys. Az always smelled good.

His hand covered mine. Fire poured out of his hand and the pile of wood burst up into flame.

"Whoa," I gasped. His magic had got stronger since I'd last seen it.

Az slipped his hand from mine. Everyone had seen him and were muttering, impressed. Then they started clapping. I was proud of him, though I didn't like the way some of the girls were smiling at him.

"What if someone says something?" I asked. I knew what he'd say, but it was an excuse to stay close to him. He was warm and the breeze was still cool, though the fire was rapidly warming me up.

Az shrugged. "I'll just say I was helping you. Setting fire to wood and setting fire to a human are totally different, right?" He turned to the others. "Who wants to see some more magic?"

I sat back, worried. I didn't want him to get into trouble but I didn't want to look like a party-pooper either. Everyone sat, spellbound, as he walked out onto the beach. He lifted his hands and all at once beams of multicoloured light speared up into the darkness.

Everyone gasped, even the teachers, and the gasps became whoops and cries of delight as the light split apart into a dozen rainbows which went arcing and glittering across the water.

I stared at the beautiful things, suddenly sad. I had no idea Az's magic had grown so powerful. He used his magic now and again at home as a short cut, and to amuse me when I was feeling down – if he ever found me moping in my room over some poor exam mark I could expect the door to be flung open and the room filled with tiny, sparkling rainbows. The first time he did it, I freaked out a bit – I thought I was having a flashback to that terrible battle long ago. But I soon got used to it. Leaping from the palms of his hands as he grinned at me, the rainbows didn't frighten me any more. I loved his magic, and up till that night at the lake he'd only ever shown it to me.

But now his rainbows were free, dancing about the sky for everyone to see and love. They weren't just mine any more.

I couldn't help but feel my ownership of Asriel slipping away.

Ownership? Since when did I own him? Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid…

But that night wasn't all about Az. With Az's coaxing and everyone's encouragement, some of the other monsters, shy and timid as monsters are, came forward and showed off their own magic. Even Tom the Temmie showed off how he could make his arms and legs stretch crazy distances.

Magic. I suppose that night really was magical.

But I knew it would be a fight to keep Az to myself after that. I remembered how Patience and the others had looked at him, the hungry look in their eyes.

That hungry look. Maybe I hated it so much because I was worried I might see it in the mirror on my own face.


	3. Chapter 3

When we got back to school I was expecting trouble, but nothing happened. Az setting fire to that bully was years ago and at a different school, and nowadays humans were used to seeing monsters everywhere. Heck, everyone I knew watched Mettaton's TV show now, human or monster. Even I did. According to mom and dad the 'magic-show' was mentioned at a PTA meeting, but the principal merely congratulated himself on how well the monsters were integrating into the school, and how they felt confident enough to display pride in their culture.

Az's little show made him popular at school overnight. People started calling him 'The Prince'. It turned out they'd been asking the other monsters about him, and one of them must have let the secret out that mom and dad had been queen and king of the Underground.

"Hey Fri," said Pippy one day at lunch. "If Az is a prince, that makes you a princess, right?"

I stopped chewing my sandwich and glared at her. I must have looked pretty scary because she dropped her gaze and went straight back to eating her apple.

Somewhere along the line I guess I must have picked up mom's death-glare.

I glanced across to the table where Az and his friends were. Like usual, they were horsing around. Az never seemed to take much seriously. So how the heck was he doing so well in class? I guess he was just as smart as he was good-looking.

Good-looking. Well, of course he was. I didn't know why he wasn't going out with anyone. Lots of girls had asked him. Even Patience had asked me if she could ask him out, but my reaction had been scary then too and she'd laughed and said she was just joking.

I knew she wasn't joking. I saw the way she looked at him.

But I wouldn't have scowled at any of the other girls if they'd asked me. Az could go out with them if he wanted. That was natural, right? Dating, kissing, that sort of thing? Heck, even I'd been asked out. Alex had asked me out just this morning.

I'd been totally flustered. I mean, he and I had become good friends. We were both majoring in Culinary Arts and were partners during practical.

"You're kidding, right?" I said to him over the boiling stock-pot.

His face turned fragile. "No, I'm not kidding," he said.

"Uh," I said. "Look Alex, I really like you, but as a friend. I'm not ready for dating and that kind of stuff."

"Oh," he said. "I understand." And then he'd started talking about how much oregano we should put in the soup and didn't bring it up again.

That night I lay in the bath wondering why I'd said no. I did like him – not in that way, but wouldn't it be fun to have a boyfriend, someone I could go places with, spend time with, message and chat with, do homework with?

I already had someone like that, though. Az.

I smiled to myself. Stupid. If I went out with Alex, I could finally find out what kissing was like. Then when I got a serious boyfriend I wouldn't seem like a loser when we kissed for the first time. I couldn't practise kissing with Az.

Kissing Az? The fantasy sprung into my head and I couldn't stop it. Az, slipping into my bed at night like he sometimes still did. The nightmares were fewer and far between now, but they still came. Him slipping his arms around me, his breath warm and sweet like milk on my face and mouth.

"Hey sis," he'd say. "This is, uh, maybe a random question, but… have you uh, ever kissed anyone?"

My heart would leap into my throat. "No," I'd answer. Then, timidly: "H-have you?"

Silence. Then, "No."

"Why not?"

"I guess I just wanted to wait. For someone I really like. Someone special."

"Oh," I'd say.

"Someone like you."

And then he'd lean forward. His breath would grow hot, hot like I sometimes felt it wafting against my neck when he slept in my bed, with that deep, rhythmic breathing of sleep, only this time he was awake, and his breath was hot against my mouth and face, making me hot everywhere.

I would gasp when his lips finally touched mine. His kiss would be soft, shy, gentle, loving, just like Az himself. Only when I wasn't nervous any more would he slip his tongue out, looking for mine. I'd be waiting.

How would his kiss taste? Delicious, of course, as delicious as his breath smelled. And the fuzz of his face would feel soft, so soft against my skin. He'd hug me closer and I'd feel his body flush with mine, his strong arms around me, his chest firm against my breasts, that hard part of him pressing into me…

My fingers had slid down between my thighs while I'd been fantasising. Oh god. Was I actually doing this? I was sick. Az was my brother, he was…

He wasn't my brother. He was my step-brother. He wasn't really my brother. He was Toriel and Asgore's son, the prince of the monsters, the kind, handsome, strong, brave, gentle prince of the monsters…. my prince. The boy I loved.

I… I loved him?

Shuddering, I slipped under the foaming water of the bath. I lay there, under the surface, holding my breath as pleasure coursed through me. I felt as though I was dying and after the pleasure ebbed away I lay there, not breathing, enveloped in the soapy water. It was as though I didn't need to breathe any more, like I was dead. Everything was so peaceful, so warm and safe...

And then my lungs began to burn. I burst up through the bubbles with a great splash, gasping for air.

"Are you alright my child?" Mom's voice, from just outside the door.

"I'm fine, mom, I'm fine," I cried out. "Don't come in. I just slipped over. I'm fine."

I wasn't fine. I felt the soap suds slide down my back and imagined they were my sins. I dried myself quickly, roughly, and jumped into bed.

That night Az didn't come into my room. He must've slept peacefully. I think all his nightmares came to keep me company.

I'd never been so thankful of anything in my life.

* * *

The stress of high school life kept my guilt from overwhelming me. There were exams to study for, reports to write, college applications to work on and a thousand little dramas to distract me from it. Az behaved with me as he always had, though I knew he'd noticed I'd withdrawn from him. He probably thought I was just being moody. I was often moody.

Sometimes I would get dark thoughts. I'd wander the forest on my own. I started to avoid places with mirrors. I couldn't stand to see my face. Who knew so much sin could hide behind a simple, plain face like mine? The unhealthy complexion, the squinty eyes, the lifeless hair. I hated it.

And there was something else. At times I thought I saw her. Just my imagination of course, but my soul was in a dark place. It had even started to ache, a dull heavy feeling in my chest as though my heart had been replaced by a stone.

I thought back to what Alphys had said, about there being something strange with my soul. I wondered whether I should go ask her about it. But it was a long trip into the city where she and Undyne lived and I didn't want to just turn up unannounced.

Anyway, I didn't want to find out. Actually, I didn't need to. I already knew what it was.

Guilt. The knowledge that I was no better than her, deep down.

Az learned to drive. He spent more and more time away from home. I did, as well, more because the place seemed too still and silent without him around. Mom and dad were always there, of course, but… well, things just weren't the same without him.

One evening I came back from Pippy's place to find Az waiting for me.

"Grab your stuff," he said. "We're going out."

I blinked at him. "Where to?"

"MTT Burger," he said. Then he grinned. "Sorry, my part time job doesn't pay enough for anything else."

"What about dinner?"

"Mom and dad are out on a date," he said. "So it's just you and me."

My heart skipped.

We went to MTT Burger. Even the depressed look of the monster behind the counter couldn't bring me down from the high I was on. As I ate my burger Az told me everything that had been going on with him lately.

I laughed. "How do you find so much time for everything?"

He shrugged. "I guess I just like being busy." He put down his burger and his eyes grew serious. "So what's been going on with you, sis?"

"Nothing much," was what I was going to say, but then I realised there were a dozen things he didn't know about. As I told him, I felt the weight lift off my chest. Az had always been a good listener. I often joked that it was because those ears of his ears were so big.

His face grew less serious and he laughed when I told him about how Allie and Patience had been trying to teach Tom to play basketball.

His hand slipped onto mine and I stopped and stared at it.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

Az smiled. "I've been wanting to ask you that exact same question."

I blinked at him.

"You've been quiet lately," he explained. "I was starting to get worried."

My heart skipped. I grinned, trying to mask the sudden feeling I'd been found out. "Just moody, I guess. You know me. I've always been moody."

Az shook his head. "Not like this," he said. He pulled his hand away. "Finish your burger. I want to take you somewhere else."

"Somewhere else?" I said. "Wow, this is totally becoming like a date or something."

"A date?" He chuckled. "Yeah, I guess it is."

We jumped in his car. He told me to keep my eyes closed otherwise I'd spoil the surprise. I was a good girl and did as I was told.

"We're here," he said at last, turning off the engine.

I opened my eyes. I'd tried to guess where we were going based on the twists and turns of the car and how long we'd been driving. We'd driven pretty much without stopping the whole way and I hadn't heard much traffic, so I knew we couldn't be in the City.

We weren't. Outside, I saw the sea glistening under the moonlight like a strip of liquid silver.

"The beach?"

Az opened the door for me and took my hand. "Come on," he said. "There's a really pretty spot down here."

He led me through a patch of low sandhills. We'd been to the beach lots of times before, of course, with mom and dad, but this was a part of it I didn't know. It was really secluded here. Our car was the only one in the little sandy car-park.

My heart beat fit to burst out of my chest. Where was he taking me? It was so quiet and still here, and it was just the two of us.

I shivered.

"Cold?" asked Az.

"A bit," I lied.

He drew me to him. I could feel the heat of his body through his shirt. In the darkness I smiled a smile of pure, unrestrained joy.

"Just down here," he said. Our feet squeaked on the sand. Finally, he sat himself down on the sand and I joined him.

Across the snowy moonlit surface of the bay the city glimmered like a fairy wonderland. My heart skipped. I'd never thought of the city as being so, so...

"Beautiful," I breathed.

"It is, isn't it?" said Az. He turned to me. "Frisky, is everything really okay?"

Frisky. It had been a long time since I'd heard him call me that.

"Of course it is,"I replied.

Az stared at me until I dropped my gaze, ashamed. "Well, no, maybe everything hasn't been okay."

"Tell me his name," Az said, his eyes hard. "I'll go beat him up."

I blinked at him. Az had curled his right hand absent-mindedly into a fist. He wasn't joking.

I bit back a laugh. "Oh, don't worry about it," I said. "I've no interest in seeing you beat yourself up."

It was his turn to blink in surprise. "Me?"

My heart raced. Of course, I had no intention of letting him know how I really felt. Back then, I was still lying to myself, even with all those lurid fantasies I was having. I thought I was sick, and so when I told him that I'd been missing him, that I was sad we hadn't been spending much time together, I wasn't really lying. It's just that I wasn't telling him the whole truth.

Az sighed with relief. "So that's it," he said. He laughed. "I was worried someone had broken your heart."

His words stabbed at me. I was glad for the darkness of the beach, where the thousand tiny betrayals of my face weren't visible.

"Nah," I said. "I don't have time for a relationship. There's just too much to do. At school, I mean."

Az nodded. "Yeah. Same with me."

My heart leaped. "So you're… you're still…?" I couldn't say the word.

Az shrugged. "You know who asked me out the other day?"

"Patience?" I said, my heart sinking.

"No, Allie."

"Allie?" Allie, the quiet, straight-laced darling of the school? Allie, the girl with the ballet shoes? With Az? I wanted to laugh, but the twinge in my heart wouldn't let me. Allie was my friend. She hadn't said anything about liking Az.

"You said no, of course."

"Of course," said Az. "I mean, Allie is nice and everything but we've got exams coming up. And I wouldn't have the time to study properly if I was going out with her."

"You could always just stay at home and study together," I said. I'd meant it as a joke, but the image that sprung into my head of Az and Allie lying together on her bed, studying from the same book and sharing kisses made me sick.

Az snorted. "I don't need a girlfriend for that," he said. "I mean, you and me used to study together all the time."

"That was junior high," I said. "Things are different now. We do different subjects."

Az's face fell. He turned and gazed across at the water. "You know, sis, I really miss all that. Spending time together, I mean. I- I don't want us to drift apart."

"We'll never drift apart," I said, squeezing his hand. "You're my bro and I love you."

"I love you too," he murmured, squeezing me back.

I was glad the dark hid the glistening of my eyes.

'I love you.' When I said it, I'd meant it, but not as a sister loves her brother. When he'd said it, though, the very same word, the same phrase...

Az stood up. I moved to get up as well, but he placed his hand on my shoulder.

"I've got a new trick I want to show you," he said.

He walked a short way towards the water then turned and faced me. I saw the outline of his body, wrapped in moonlight, suddenly shift. First red sprung up about him, then orange, and yellow, then green and blue and purple – all the colours of the rainbow, shining around him like a spectral echo.

He raised his hands into the air. Star-points sparkled into life about them.

And all at once the sky was filled with light. Stars, huge glowing stars had appeared high above us. Az raised his hands higher and the stars began to spin and shimmer, the air alive with a beautiful chiming like the tolling of a thousand little bells.

Then the stars began to fall.

They fell slowly, spinning, leaving trails of sparkling dust and when they struck the surface of the water they burst apart, shattering into a thousand smaller stars which sprang in every direction, spinning and twinkling.

I watched, my mouth hanging open. I had no idea his magic had grown so powerful. No, not just powerful, beautiful as well.

And then, as quickly as the stars had appeared, the last of them shattered, melting into stardust that sank sparkling into the water before fading away.

Az lowered his hands and opened his eyes.

"So, what do you think?" he asked.

"Beautiful," I whispered. "So beautiful, Az." Did I mean the stars, or did I mean him, the tall, gorgeous monster before me, his eyes glittering as bright as the stars had, his face alive with boyish delight?

"Thanks," he said, grinning. "I… I've been working on that for a while. I wanted to get it right before I showed you."

"Do mom and dad know that…?"

He shook his head and sat back down beside me. "You're the only one who's seen it."

"Just me?" I asked.

His hand fell on mine. "Just you."

We sat there, on the beach for a long time. I started to nod off, my head falling onto Az's shoulder.

"Getting sleepy, huh Frisky?"

"Too much study," I murmured into his shoulder.

"Want to go home?" Az asked me.

"No," I said quickly. "No. I.. I'm having too much fun."

Az laughed. "Fun? Just sitting here with me?"

"It's been a long time," I said.

"Yeah," he replied.

"Hey," I said, taking my head from his shoulder. "Can I… can I lie down a minute?"

"Sure," he said. He patted his leg.

My heart raced. I lay down on the sand and placed my head in his lap.

"Comfy," I murmured.

"It's my fur, I think," said Az. "Extra padding."

His hand fell on my cheek and he brushed away a lock of hair that was lying across my eyes.

"Your hair's got long, hasn't it?" he murmured.

"Do you like it?"

He thought for a minute. "Short, long, I think both suit you."

"Thanks," I said. I knew, then, that he preferred my hair short. "But don't you think I look like a boy with short hair?"

Az laughed. "No one would ever mistake you for a boy, Frisky."

His answer pleased me. I sighed and stared up at the sky. "The stars are pretty, aren't they? Not as pretty as your stars, though."

"Mmm," he said. "Say, did mom or dad ever tell you about how monsters used to whisper their wishes to the stars? Back when we all still lived on the surface, before the war?"

"I seem to remember someone telling me about that," I said. "You know, humans do the same sort of thing, but we wish on falling stars."

Az gazed up at the sky. "So you have to wait until one falls?"

I laughed. "It can take a long time. But wishes take a long time to come true as well, don't they?"

"I can magic one up for you if you like."

"Nah," I said. "That's cheating."

Az didn't say anything for a while.

"Az?"

"Shh, he said. "I'm making a wish."

I smiled to myself. "Can I make one too, or do I have to wait for one to fall?"

"You're an honorary monster," said Az. "Go ahead."

"So you just look up at them and wish?"

"Uh huh."

I looked up. It had been windy the last few days and the air was clear, and there were no lights here away from the city. The stars were so bright they burned, and for a moment I even believed they might be able to make wishes come true.

I whispered to the stars, wishing deep in my heart.

Stars, I wished, Dear, kind stars. Please make Asriel mine. Please don't let anyone else have him. Please let him always be mine.

The violence of my wish shocked me.

"You must have wished for something pretty exciting," said Az with a chuckle. "Your heart was racing."

"What did you wish for?" I asked, suddenly frightened. "Oh, wait. It doesn't come true if you tell someone else, right?"

"That must be human wishes," he said. "Monster wishes aren't a secret."

"So what did you wish for?"

He was silent for a moment. Then he said, "That we'd be friends forever."

Friends. Friends forever.

My eyes began to sting. I turned over in his lap, prayed he wouldn't see the look on my face, prayed that tears wouldn't come.

"So," said Az, his eyes still turned toward the sky. "What did you wish for, if you don't mind me..?"

"I wished for the same thing," I lied.

Somehow, I managed not to cry.

It was when we finally got home and I flung myself onto my bed that the tears finally came. I pushed my pillow against my face as the tears ran hot and free, not making a sound, afraid that he'd hear, that he'd come to see what was wrong. And even when no more tears came I lay there, face down on my pillow, counting the endless heartbeats until the dawn burned the stars from the sky.

* * *

The sensible thing would have been to distance myself from Az after that, to keep away from him until I came to terms with my impossible feelings for him. But instead I hung around him everywhere, hanging off him like a woman in a shipwreck clinging to a piece of the ship. I snuck into his classes, ate lunch with him, watched him at training after school, walked home with him, lay on his bed in the evenings and studied alongside him until mom came and told us to go to sleep. I even cut my hair short again, now I knew he preferred it that way.

I must have been annoying. My own behaviour annoyed me. Az, though, didn't seem to mind all my clingy attention. He was just pleased I was happy, I guess.

Happy? I wasn't happy. Being with him, but not with him, was torture. Worse still, he was just as touchy with me as he'd always been, since we were kids. We didn't hold hands any more, of course, but we did everything else. Sometimes, as I lay on his bed pretending to study, he would clamber on top of me and start cracking my back. I'd always enjoyed it as a kid, and Az knew just the spots which would produce the most delicious cracks. I lay there, his weight pressing down on me, drooling into the quilt as he pushed the heels of his strong, gentle hands along my spine. When he managed to produce a particularly loud crack he'd murmur, pleased, and I'd squirm in ecstasy beneath him. I knew I should tell him to stop, that this was just making things worse, but it felt too good. It felt almost as though we were making love, somehow, with him on top of me, covering me, taking pleasure from my pleasure.

And god did he make me feel good. Too good. When my shameful greed had finally had enough, I'd slip away to the bathroom, my heart racing, my body aching, but with need, now, rather than bunched-up stress. I'd pull off my shorts, peel off my soaking underwear, swap it with a new pair and leave the incriminating evidence far at the bottom of the laundry basket like a guilty little kid who's wet themselves. Then, in the shower, I'd at last free myself from the horrible tension, hanging onto the rail and breathing out my pleasure through gritted teeth against the cold tiles, trying desperately not to be heard over the shushing of the hot shower.

I knew others had noticed the amount of time Az and I been spending together. Pippy had jokingly taken me to task over it, saying it was unfair of me to use Az to make the other boys jealous.

"What about poor Alex?" she asked. "You know how much he likes you."

I sighed. "He's a great guy, but I just can't feel that way about him. I told him that, too."

Pippy pushed her glasses higher up on her nose. "We're in high school, Frisk. it doesn't have to be serious."

"Who are we talking about?" asked Patience, appearing from nowhere as she often did.

"Alex," said Pippy.

Patience laughed. "Throw the poor guy a bone, Fri. He worships the ground you walk on. Heck, if you gave him a pair of your socks I think he'd build a shrine for them."

I laughed, but I didn't find any of it funny. "I'm only interested in having a real relationship," I said. "I don't want to mess around with anyone's feelings."

It was a barbed reference to Patience going out with Justin. Their relationship hadn't lasted longer than a week and had left the poor guy a wreck. Patience had shrugged off everyone's criticism, calling it a 'practice' relationship.

Patience smiled sweetly at me, then arched an eyebrow at Pippy, who hid her smiling mouth behind her book.

"What is it?" I demanded, annoyed.

"Oh nothing," said Patience. "It's just that some of us aren't lucky enough enough to have a hot step-brother to practice on at home."

My mouth dropped open. But right at that moment Allie arrived and thrust invitations into our hands. It was just like her, to make invitations rather than just message us.

"My parents are overseas all next week," she explained. "So I'm having a party at my place!"

Our argument was forgotten. A party, at Allie's! Her home was more a mansion than a house, and it even had its own private beach.

"This isn't like you, Als," said Patience. "I mean, you're usually little miss perfect. A party while your parents are away?"

Allie blinked at her. "Oh, I have their permission."

"The joy of having your parents trust you," said Pippy, winking at Patience.

"I have to go give the boys their invitations," said Allie.

I held out my hand. "Oh, I can give Az his."

Allie smiled and shook her head. "it's okay. I'll give it to him myself."

I stared daggers into her back as she skipped away. All the time I'd been fending Patience off I'd let Princess Perfect sneak up on him behind my back.

'I'll give it to him myself'!

Well, maybe I had it coming. I had treated Allie pretty badly the past few weeks, after the night on the beach when Az had mentioned she'd asked him out.

As I walked home after school with Az, I mentioned the party.

"… and we can have a fire down on the beach since they own it," I said, getting excited by my own hype. "It's going to be awesome!"

Az frowned. "I don't know. Did you hear who was going? It's basically a drama implosion looking to happen."

I punched him in the arm. "Hey, we got invited too, you know!"

Az laughed. "Heh, yeah. I know."

I grew fragile. "Do… do you really think we're… uh, part of the drama?"

"Sometimes," he said. "We're both pretty moody."

I hit him again. "Speak for yourself," I said.

The best thing about the party being at Allie's was that everyone's parents gave their permission without asking any questions. Allie was little miss integrity, after all, and they knew nothing bad would happen.

Patience, though… well. When we arrived she had Alex and Justin helping her take a gym bag out of her car.

"Just a few refreshments," she said.

I arched my eyebrows. "Refreshments?"

"Wine," explained Alex. "Feels like I've got half a cellar's worth in here."

"Oh, not that much," said Patience. "Just a few bottles my parents won't miss."

We had the run of the house, the pool, the gardens and the beach. Allie had spared no expense. The gardens were all lit up with fairy lights. I grabbed Az's arm as we walked in.

"It's so beautiful!" I breathed.

Az grinned down at me. "Did you really used to be a tomboy?"

I blinked at him. "I've always liked beautiful things."

Az's eyes lingered on me. "You look really pretty tonight, sis."

I fluttered my eyelashes at him. "Do you like the make-up? Bratty and Catty showed me how to do it."

Az laughed. "Maybe go a bit easier on the eye shadow, next time."

I pouted. "Hey, I have to trowel it on. It's the only way my eyes are ever going to look this big."

"Your eyes look fine," he said.

I laughed and shook my head. "Oh Az, Az, Az. You're such a flatterer."

The party was everything I'd hoped it would be. There was drama, sure, but not a much as I'd expected and perhaps Patience would have liked to have seen. It had looked like a lot of wine to begin with, but after everyone started sharing it it didn't last long. There was just enough to get everyone happy and tipsy, rather than drunk. Maybe Patience had planned it that way.

It was later that night. Only the real die-hard partiers remained. Everyone else had crashed. Alex and Pippy were lying on the sofa together. Alex had spent the night cooking up a storm on the barbecue until exhaustion had finally overcome him and Pippy had had one drink too many, which was to say one drink. She'd finally succumbed to temptation, sipped her way through a glass of white wine, and promptly fallen asleep.

Putting the two of them together on the sofa with their arms draped around each other had been Patience's idea. Photos were taken and uploaded to the internet.

Soon after, Patience decided she wanted to show everyone how she could juggle three knives at once now. Az and I managed to talk her into using spoons instead. We needn't have worried - even tipsy, Patience was able to juggle them effortlessly. The spoons spun about, seeming to float in the air, and she didn't drop a single one.

Now the rest of us were sitting around, listening to music and staring at the empty wine bottles, wishing they were full again.

"Hey, hey, hey," said Allie during a lull in the conversation. "Have you guys every played spin the bottle?"

Justin groaned. "Oh, come on."

"Sounds like fun," said Az. "How do you play it?"

After Allie finished blushing and explaining and blushing some more, Az blushed as well.

"Well," he said. "If it's a human tradition...I'm game."

"Hey," said a friend of Justin's. "But aren't you and Frisk like brother and sister? What happens if the bottle lands on one of you?"

"We're not brother and sister," I said, annoyed. My heart leaped at the thought, though, and I started to have misgivings. "Anyway, there's…" I did a quick, tipsy count. "There are eleven of us. There's like no chance either I or Az will get each other."

"It's a one in a hundred and ten chance actually," said Gerard.

"Oh come on," said Patience. "Where's the fun without a little risk?" She grabbed a bottle and sat on the floor. "Let's do this."

She was right. It was fun, and the risk really did seem to add some spice to it. The bottle would spin out of control and you had no idea where it was going to stop, even when it started to slow down. Sometimes it crept past me and set my heart racing. What… what if I actually had to kiss someone? I glanced about the circle. I'd have to kiss them in front of Az, as well. How would he react?

And how would I react if Az had to kiss someone?

The first few rounds held few surprises. The first spin ended up with the bottle pointing at Patience herself and she laughed.

"Serves me right for suggesting it!" she said. She span the bottle and it ended up on another girl, one of Pippy's friends.

Everyone stopped and stared. Patience just shrugged and leaped forward, grabbing the girl around the waist and kissing her sloppily on the lips. Everyone laughed and the girl, her eyes wide in shock, sat back, her fingers against her lips.

"Your turn to spin it," Patience told her, grinning. "To see who goes next."

The bottle crept past me a couple of times, and Az too. Patience, for whatever reason, ended up getting chosen more often than not. Mostly the kisses were sloppy and amateurish since everyone was pretty tipsy, but we all had a great time just messing around.

Then the bottle ended up on Justin and everyone stopped laughing.

Az looked as though he was about to say something, but Justin shook his head. "A game's a game," he said and sent the bottle spinning.

All eyes followed it as it spun.

Everyone knew Justin and Patience's history. But what were the chances she'd get it? One in a hundred and ten, wasn't it? Then again, the bottle had seemed to be favouring her all night.

So when the bottle slowed in front of me, I wasn't really worried. It had gone past me so many times to land on Patience that I didn't expect it to stop.

It didn't and kept on its way.

Patience sighed. "My lips are getting tired," she said.

But the bottle didn't stop at her. The momentum pushed it just far enough that it ended up pointing at the one sitting on her other side.

Tom the Temmie.

"Wha?" The little creature blinked at the bottle pointing at her. Or was it him? I'd never found the mixture of courage and rudeness needed to ask.

Whichever Tom was, Justin didn't mind. Fairness had always been the most important thing to him, and since he'd agreed to play the game there was no way he wasn't going to play by the rules.

He leaned forward and kissed Tom on the lips. It wasn't just a peck, either, but a proper kiss. The little Temmie's dog-ears flipped straight up and her wide eyes boggled out of her head, but then she closed them and kissed him back.

The kiss grew hot. Tom put a paw on Justin's shoulder to steady herself and he placed his hands around her waist. Patience watched, expressionless. But I knew she didn't like what she was seeing.

Finally Justin broke the kiss.

"Wow," he said, exhaling. "That was intense."

Tom's mouth, meanwhile, had slipped off her face and was floating beneath her chin, wide open in shock.

Gerard touched her shoulder. "Tom, bro… are you okay?"

"awwAwaa!" the little monster cried. "HUMAN's kiss TOOOOOO CUTE!" and promptly fell on her back with her feet in the air.

Everyone laughed except Patience.

"Spin the bottle, Tom," she muttered.

Tom righted herself and batted the bottle with a paw.

It was a good spin. The bottle spun around the circle three whole times before it ended up on Az.

"Oh no," he said, smiling.

The two girls between Gerard and Justin looked at him. I recognised that look. I'm pretty sure I'd seen it on my own face more than once. I didn't like it.

Patience glanced at me, but I didn't let my face betray any emotion.

"Well," said Az "Here goes nothing!" He spun the bottle.

Please let it end up on one of the boys, I wished. That would be pretty funny and my heart could survive it. But please don't let it end up on Patience, or Allie. Please no...please no. Even landing back on Tom the Temmie would be fine.

The bottle slipped just past the girl on my right and then stopped, wobbling, right in front of me.

"Oh," sighed the girl, disappointed.

I stared at the bottle. Then I glanced up.

Everyone was looking at me.

Az's eyes went wide and he blushed. "Uh..."

"Huh," said Patience, raising her eyebrows. "What are the odds?"

"One in a hundred and ten," said Gerard.

"Wait," I said. "Just wait a sec."

The two girls on the right whispered something to each other.

"Oh come on, Frisk," said Patience. "It's just a kiss. It's not like you guys have to get married or anything."

My heart felt ready to burst from my chest. I glanced at Az. Was he… was he going to do it? Or was he going to refuse, and laugh it off?

I guess I must have looked as much like a deer in the headlights as Az did. His face was a mask of confusion. I had no idea what he was thinking.

He was going to refuse, I knew it. He couldn't kiss me in front of everyone. My heart couldn't take it. I felt it start to break.

Az read the desperation on my face. He leaned forward and parted his lips.

I shut my eyes and leaned forward too. I heard someone gasp, but I didn't care. I didn't care what any of them thought. I wanted Az to kiss me. They were all just jealous of me. Az was mine. They'd see that when he kissed me.

"They're really going to do it!" one of the girls whispered.

I felt Az's breath, hot and wine-sweet against my mouth. I tilted my head and parted my lips. I was open and ready, hungry for him.

The warmth of his breath slid past my mouth. I opened my eyes.

His lips touched my cheek and he pecked me.

Silence around the circle. Everyone's eyes were on us.

Az pulled away. There was a strange apologetic look in his eyes. I brought the fingers of one hand to my cheek. His kiss still burned there.

"Oh," said Patience. "Well, that was lame."

Az glared at her. "What did you expect? We're brother and sister."

"I- I need to go to the bathroom," I said, getting up.

I walked there as calmly as I could, shut the door and stared at my face in the vanity mirror. I couldn't cry, no matter how much I wanted to. Everyone would know, then. I forced myself to smile.

The smile looked false on my face. Even worse than false. It was empty, the smile a hollow void would have. It reminded me of someone else's smile, a smile from long ago.

Her smile.

I splashed cold water on my face until the smile melted away. My eyes stung but I bit back the tears.

There was a knock on the door.

"Someone's in here," I cried out.

"Frisk, are you okay?"

Az's voice.

"...yeah," I said. "I'm okay."

"Sorry," he said at last. "Stupid game, huh. What were the chances the bottle would…?"

"One in a hundred and ten," I murmured to myself, patting my face dry. "The chance was one in a hundred and ten."


	4. Chapter 4

I pulled away from Az after that. It was all I could do to protect myself. My heart kept aching. Or was it my soul that ached? It was hard to tell.

Az noticed the change. He tried to cheer me up. But even his rainbows playing about my room couldn't lift the heaviness from my chest. I smiled, though, and sometimes even laughed at his jokes and lame puns. I didn't want him to worry.

It was our last year in high school. The exit exams were coming up. But far scarier than the exams was the prom.

The prom. At our school, the juniors didn't go to the prom so the whole thing was a huge, exciting mystery.

I dreaded it. No one was going to take me to it. I was going to have to go…. Wait, if a guy going on his own was called 'going stag', what did you call a girl going alone?

There was no word for it. It was so lame that there was literally no word for it.

One afternoon after school I was lying on my bed, studying. A knock came at the door.

"It's me." Az's voice.

I closed my book. "Come in,'me'."

Az opened the door and came in. He was holding a flower in his hand. My eyes flicked from the flower to his face. He was smiling sheepishly.

"Here," he said, pushing the flower at me.

I couldn't help but smile at his shyness. "What's this?"

"The first bloom of those flowers I've been working on," he said.

My smile dropped away. "A golden flower?"

He nodded. "A hybrid. I've been trying to produce a double calyx. Looks like I succeeded."

I looked at the flower. There it was: a double calyx.

I spun the flower around in my fingers. "Your extra credit assignment for biology, right?"

Az smiled. "Only thing I've ever been good at."

I snorted. "Yeah, sure, Mr. 3.67 GPA."

He glanced at the book I was reading. "So how's the English study going?"

I sighed and pushed the book away. "The only thing I understand about post-modernism is that I hate it."

"So," he said.

"So," I said.

Az just stood there.

I clucked my tongue. "Oh, sit down, Az. You're making me nervous."

He sat down on the bed. Then he leaned closer to me and frowned.

"Your eyes are red, Frisky," he said. "Have you been…?"

"Rough night," I said, turning away from him.

"Nightmares," he said. It was a statement, not a question.

"Nah," I lied. "Just stress."

"Don't I know it," he said, and sighed. "College applications, huh?"

I laughed. "I had no idea there was so much I still had left to do. And I spent all summer on those stupid essays."

Az's visit had cheered me up a little. He'd always had that effect on me, even when he was the source of all my stress. I popped the golden flower behind one ear and sat up. "Did you send one off to that University interstate?"

"I did in the end," he replied. "The way I look at it, I've got almost no chance but I might as well try."

"But Az," I began. I wanted to stop myself, knowing that what I was about to say was unfair. "If you get accepted, then-"

"I know," he said. He placed his hand on my shoulder. "But I'd be back home all the time, sis. Their holidays are around the same time as ours." He laughed. "I don't know why I'm trying to convince you, though. Like I said, I've got no chance."

"Yeah," I said. "No chance."

"Anyway, that's not why I dropped around," he said. "The prom's in a few weeks. Has anyone…?"

I sighed. "I'm thinking of going doe."

Az blinked. "Dough? What's that?"

"Doe. A deer. A female deer. You know, like the female version of 'going stag'."

"No one's asked you?"

"Alex asked me," I said. "He gave me a pie."

Az frowned. "He gave you a pie?"

"A butterscotch pie," I explained. "There was a note in the tray beneath it, asking me out. It was really cute. The pie was delicious, too."

"Well, why don't you go with him then?"

I sighed. "Because I don't… well, you know."

What could I say? "I don't want to go with anyone who isn't you?" Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid!

"Sis, it's not like you have to marry him. Go as friends."

"As friends, huh?"

"You'll have a great time," said Az.

"So who are you going with?" I asked.

"I… I haven't made my mind up yet."

"Too many applications to wade through, huh?" It was meant to be a joke, but my voice sounded hateful even to my own ears and I smiled wanly at him so he wouldn't get the wrong idea. "I'm kidding, kidding!"

He ignored my joke. "Well," he said. "if you're going with Alex..."

"I don't know yet. Why are you so worried about who I'm going to go with, anyway?"

Az's face grew shy. It was an expression I hadn't seen on his face for a long time. My heart began to thaw. I wanted to throw my arms around and hug him, but I didn't. "Well, I thought maybe you and I could go together… as friends."

Go together… as friends. My heart rose to the heavens only to plunge down into darkness. "Nah," I said quickly.

Az looked hurt. "Why not?"

"People will talk. They'll think we're weird or something."

"Weird? Because you're a human and I'm a monster?"

I snorted. "C'mon, Az. There's lots of human-monster couples. Justin and Tom are going together. I mean because we're brother and sister."

"Oh," said Az.

"I don't want to get stared at like at Allie's party," I said.

I wanted to ask him then whether he'd really been going to kiss me. I'd felt the warmth of his breath on my lips, tasted it on my tongue. His face had been so close…

I chickened out, though.

"I think I will ask Alex," I said at last. The silence between us was growing awkward.

"Well then," said Az. "If you're going with Alex, I'll go with Sarina."

"Go right ahead," I said. "Who's Sarina?"

"My lab partner in biology. She asked me."

"Huh." There were a bunch of pretty girls in his biology class.

Silence again. I returned to reading my book, or acting like I was.

Az didn't get the hint. "Frisky?"

Frisky. God I hated that nickname. It sounded like a brand of cat food or something. I looked up from my book and batted my eyelashes at him. "Yes, Asriel?"

"There's nothing between me and Sarina," he said. His face was almost comical in its seriousness. "I'm just… just going with her as a friend. Like you and Alex. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings."

"Oh, okay," I said.

He stood there a while longer, as though waiting for me to say something. But then he moved toward the door.

"See you at dinner then," he said, and left, closing the door behind him.

I lay down again and tried to get back into my book, but after I read the same sentence ten times without understanding a word, I slapped it closed and pushed it off the bed.

Sarina, huh? Well, at least it wasn't Allie or Patience. And no one's feelings would get hurt. 

* * *

Az. Dear, sweet Az. He really was a smart guy, and not just in the book-smarts department, either. By going out with Sarina, he headed off a lot of potential drama. Even I began to warm to the idea of going to the prom.

Mom took me dress shopping. The two Ps had asked me to go with them but I didn't fancy watching Patience squeeze her big boobs into some dress she'd look gorgeous in, and Allie had already bought her dress, so I took mom up on her offer. She was overjoyed.

Mom's taste in clothing went to the classic. Mine was more contemporary, which was to say revealing. I soon chose a dress that made her frown.

She stared at it as though it were a badly-behaved Froggit. "My child, don't you think that neck-line is a little too… daring?"

"Oh mom," I sighed. "It's not that low-cut. And I want to look good."

"How about this one?" she asked, showing me the dress she'd chosen.

I rolled my eyes. "My butt would look huge in that!"

Mom glanced behind me. "But your tushy is the perfect size!"

I stifled a laugh. "Mom, did you just say tushy?"

We eventually came to a compromise. The dress I chose was baby-doll style, with a sequined bust-line that showed off a bit of cleavage and a tulle skirt which complimented my over-ample hips. It was blue with a cute purple sash.

I twirled in front of the mirror.

"So what do you think?" I asked.

Mom nodded, tears in her eyes.

I frowned. "Mom, what's wrong?"

"I… I was just remembering. A little girl who tried on a dress long ago." She smiled. "You look so grown-up, little one."

"Oh mom!" I threw myself into her arms and we hugged. I'd missed her hugs.

"I thought you were too big for hugs," she said as we broke apart.

I laughed. "I don't think I'll ever be too big for your hugs, mom." 

* * *

The afternoon of the prom Bratty and Catty came to help me with my nails and make-up.

"Wow," said Bratty the blonde alligator as she went to work styling my hair. "I was so, like, totally surprised when you answered the door. You're totally grown up and stuff."

"And you're totally cute and adorable," said Catty the purple cat as she clipped my nails. "Like, totally different from how you used to look."

Bratty gasped. "Catty!"

"Well, she was still a little kid and stuff back then," said Catty. "And you couldn't really tell if she was a boy or girl."

"But you were still totally adorbs," Bratty said to me.

"Yeah, totally adorbs," agreed Catty.

As the two girls worked their magic I saw myself slowly transform in the dresser's mirror. Mom, with characteristic sternness, had given the two monsters strict instructions that where my make-up was concerned, less was most definitely more.

I raised a hand to my chin. Was… was that pretty girl in the mirror really me?

The two monsters stepped back and admired their handiwork.

"You did an awesome job on her eyes, Catty," said Bratty.

"And her lipstick is totally, like, classy, Bratty," said Catty.

"Her nails are super gorgeous, too," said Bratty.

"Oh, she's so cute I could just eat her all up!" said Catty.

"Catty!" cried Bratty. "We're not allowed to eat humans, remember?"

"Oh I know that," said Catty. "it's just, like, totally a figure of speech and stuff!"

"She's totally right though," Bratty said to me. "You do look pretty tasty."

"Yeah, tasty," said Catty. "Say, have you got any garbage lying around you don't need? I'm totally starving!"

"Catty!" gasped Bratty. "Asking someone if you can eat their garbage!"

"Like, what's wrong with that?" asked Catty, blinking.

Bratty was scandalised. "Think of your waist!"

After a few finishing touches, they were done. As soon as I stood up I wanted to rush into the living room to see how Az looked – dad had been in charge of helping him get ready – but Bratty placed a claw on my shoulder.

"Like, just wait a sec, Frisk."

"Yeah, just a sec," said Catty, placing a paw on my other shoulder.

"You totally need a grand entrance," said Bratty

"Yeah," said Catty. "A super spectacular entrance!"

"To strut your stuff and totally flaunt it," said Bratty.

"Yeah," said Catty. "And to give your date a taste of what he's getting later!"

Bratty gasped. "Catty, Asriel isn't her date!"

"What?" said Catty. "He's not? But they're so totally adorbs together!"

"Catty!"

Catty saw the look on my face. "I'll go do the intro," she said. "Oh, I'm so hyped!"

Catty ran off. I heard her voice from the living room.

"Catty and Bratty are proud to present Frisk, like, totally the nicest and cutest human ever!"

"That's your cue, babe," said Bratty, giving me a gentle push.

I stumbled into the living room. Mom was hovering near the door, probably worried the whole time that Bratty and Catty were going to commit some kind of atrocity on me. Az and dad were sitting on the couch.

Mom's hands flew to her mouth. Az and dad slowly rose to their feet, their eyes wide.

"Oh god," I whispered. "Do I really look that bad?"

Dad shook his head. "Darling one, you look… you look..."

"You look utterly beautiful," Az finished for him.

Az came forward and took my hand. Mom joined dad and grabbed his arm.

"Oh Asgore, our children... they look so.. so grown up!"

And then she burst into tears.

Dad held onto her, tears in his own eyes, but I had eyes only for Az. He was staring at me, so I had plenty of time to look him over.

Some guys look weird in a tux. You know what I'm talking about, right? It hangs off them, loose in the crotch, tight in the shoulders. But Az… oh, Az. He looked like he'd been poured into that suit. He looked so glamorous. A prince. A boyish, blushing prince.

"So," he said, staring at his feet in embarrassment. "What do you think? Did dad do a good job?"

I lifted a hand to his chin. "You shaved?"

"Just a trim," he said. "I was starting to look a bit scruffy."

"I like it," I said. "Your horns?"

He lowered his head so I could touch them. They were beautifully smooth.

"I filed and polished them," he said. "Dad showed me how."

We remembered, then, that there were others in the room and shame-faced we let go of each other's hands.

"See?" whispered Catty loudly. "What did I tell you? So. Totally. Adorbs!"

"Catty!" hissed Bratty. Then she turned to the rest of us and grinned hugely. "Well, our work is like, totally done and stuff, so we'd better go. Have a totally awesome time at the prom, you two!"

"And don't forget to wear protection," said Catty.

Mom frowned. "What does she mean, 'protection'?"

Az and I looked at each and blushed.

Bratty cried "Catty!" and with a final wave goodbye dragged her best friend out the front door.

The door slammed shut and the spell was broken. With the two monster-girls gone, mom and dad began to fuss around.

"Have you got your corsage?"

"It's here, mom."

"Did you remember to fuel the car, Asgore?"

"Of course, dear one. Now where's the camera?"

Mom clucked her tongue. "Wherever you left it, Asgore. You had it last."

We were pushed and pulled. Photos were taken. Lots of photos. The corsage was checked and rechecked.

"I made it myself," Az explained.

"Golden flowers," I said, turning it over in my hands.

He smiled. "I've always loved them."

There was a knock on the door.

"It's Alex," I hissed. "Everyone stop being weird, okay?"

Mom went to the door. I heard Alex's voice. Mom giggled and led him into the living-room. She was carrying a bouquet of flowers.

"Look!" she cried. "How lovely and thoughtful! Look, Asgore."

"They're very nice," said dad.

Alex came up and dad shook hands with him. God, he looked small next to dad. But I had to admit, he was handsome. Very handsome, actually. I guess I'd never really noticed before. But he was no prince.

Alex took hold of my hand. "You look gorgeous," he said.

"Thank you," I said.

He took out his corsage. It was beautiful. No golden flowers, either, just classic white roses. He lifted it to pin it on my dress, but mom swept in and took over.

"Such superb taste," she said.

Az shared a few friendly words with Alex and then made for the door.

"I'll see you guys there," he said. "I have to go pick up Sarina."

"Drive carefully," said mom.

With Az gone I began to feel awkward. Mom sidled up to me as dad was making small talk with Alex about something. She had a strangely girlish look on her face.

"Oh, Frisk," she breathed. "He's so handsome! And a good cook, too."

Mom loved him, and I knew dad would, too.

The poor guy really never did stand a chance. 

* * *

He had a nice car, though. And he drove carefully, unlike Az who tended to drive like a madman.

We soon arrived at the school. Alex opened the door for me and helped me out.

I looked at him standing there, smiling as he held my hand. God, why couldn't I love him? Everything would be so much easier, then.

We entered the hall and got our photo taken. The theme of the prom was the Underground. It was a bit embarrassing, but the other monsters at the school had been overjoyed by the Prom Committee's choice. The entrance to the hall was decorated like the Ruins, the dining room like Waterfall, the dance floor like the Core and so on.

"Pippy did a great job, didn't she?" said Alex. Pippy was in the Prom Committee and had been in charge of the decorations.

"Yeah," I said. "I like how she used tin foil for the Core. It's just like being there."

Alex laughed. He knew me well enough to know I was being sarcastic. "Hey, come on. All our friends are already here."

Not all of them. Az and Sarina weren't here, yet.

We met up with the others. The girls gushed over each other's dresses while the boys looked awkward and clutched their drinks, wondering just how the hell males and females could be so different. Soon I felt the heaviness in my chest lessen. Alex was a great help as well. He was an attentive date, making sure I always had a drink in my hand and laughing at my lame jokes.

I heard applause and some excited whoops. I pushed past another group to see Az and Sarina getting their photo taken.

Az. He was grinning as the photographer positioned him and Sarina in front of the cardboard cut-out of that tranquil place in Waterfall, complete with papier-mache echo-flowers covered in glitter.

Sarina. She wasn't anything special, usually, mousy hair and a bit too tall for a girl, but tonight she looked pretty. Her wide smile made her even prettier. As she hung on Az's arm, she looked up at him with melting eyes.

I knew what she was feeling. I knew it, and hated her for it.

The flash went off. Az led her inside and the two were quickly surrounded by people, some clapping Az on the back or shaking his hand, others kissing Sarina and complimenting her on her dress.

"Nice dress, huh?" said Patience beside me.

"it'd look better on someone with a bust," I said.

Patience laughed. "Oh rawr!' she said, clawing the air. "C'mon. You can't abandon your date. Az will find us soon enough."

He did. There was the usual kerfuffle of kisses and hugs and compliments. I put down my drink and made a special effort to be nice to Sarina.

"You look beautiful," I told her as I hugged her. Her bony chest stuck against me but I put up with it.

"Thanks," she said. She held my hands and looked me over. "So do you."

There wasn't a hint of irony in her voice. God, why did Az have to choose someone so nice?

She leaned forward conspiratorially. "Thanks for letting me borrow Az for the night," she said.

I blinked at her, "What do you mean?"

Sarina laughed. "Oh, you know. You and him are so close. I don't want you to worry. I'll look after him."

'I'll look after him.'

"Az is his own person," I said and sniffed. "And anyway, I'm just his step-sister."

Sarina smiled awkwardly. "Oh, I know that."

Luckily Az appeared before my bitchiness could ruin things.

"Hey," he said. "What are you guys doing? The dinner is about to start."

I don't remember a single thing about the dinner. I can't even tell you what we ate. Whatever it was, I didn't taste any of it. I was just sitting there, trying to avoid staring at Az and Sarina directly across the table.

The table was made up of all our friends and their dates. Pippy was going out with a guy I didn't know who she'd met in the Prom Committee, while Patience had brought her latest trophy – Luke, the captain of the football team. Gerard and Allie had come together as friends and Justin was there with Tom the Temmie.

Tom the Temmie. So she was a girl after all. Or maybe not. Not that there was anything wrong with that, of course. They made a cute couple, especially since Tom was barely half as tall as Justin, even when standing on her hind legs. Sitting at the table, though, and dressed in her cute little satin dress, the size difference wasn't really obvious.

Alex was his usual self. He told jokes and had everyone at the table laughing. I knew he could sense there was some underlying drama and was doing his best to lighten the mood. He was attentive to me as well, making sure I was always included in the conversation.

But all his kindness just made me feel more guilty.

Another boring speech from a member of the faculty came to an end. Patience, in her own inimitable way, decided to try and reignite conversation at the table. "Hey, check this out," she said, grabbing her date's hand and laying it on the table.

"Hey," said Luke. "Now just wait a second, Pattie..."

She snorted. "Oh come on, Luke. I haven't been drinking." She snatched up her knife and licked him playfully on the cheek. "Now don't move this time, darling."

She stabbed the knife down into the table and everyone gasped. Then she lifted it and stabbed it down again.

Luke's eyes boggled at the blade sticking into the table between his index and middle fingers. "Pattie, be careful! That's my throwing hand!"

"Oh quiet, you," said Patience, rolling her eyes.

The knife became a blur. Everyone was so shocked at what was happening that we just let it happen, watching wide eyed as Patience stabbed the blade down again and again between Luke's splayed fingers.

"Okay," said Az suddenly, grabbing her hand. "That's enough, Patience."

Patience, stopped mid-stab, sighed. "And just when I was getting into a good rhythm, too."

All the blood had drained from Luke's face. Tom the Temmie's mouth was hanging so far open that it was hanging below her face in the air.

That was Alex's cue to rescue the situation from terminal awkwardness. "So Tom," asked Alex suddenly. "I was wondering: do Temmies dance?"

tom's eyes lit lit up and suddenly all attention shifted to her as her face returned to its normal place. "yaYA! Tem LOEV to dance!" she said, then brought a paw to her mouth. "O NO! Tem is speaking TEMMIE cause she's eated TO MUCH choclat!"

Everyone laughed except for me. Az began to frown, but then, as if on cue, the band started up and saved me.

Sarina took hold of Az's hand and lifted him up off his seat. I saw him glance back at me, but Alex was already pushing back his chair.

"Shall we dance, Frisk?" he asked.

I nodded and let him pull me onto the dance floor.

Laser light flashed across the floor. The music was great and Alex was a good dancer. I began to warm up. I hated being like this, being a wet blanket, and so when they started playing a dance version of the theme song to Mettaton's Super Glamour Hour, I decided to show off some of my best moves. The clapping and whooping drove the darkness out of me and I actually began to enjoy myself. For a moment, the world span around me, smiling faces and light and joy, and I was part of it.

But then the music stopped. There was a drum roll and a burst of fanfare. Pippy and her date were lit up by a spotlight in the middle of the dance floor.

"The time has come to crown the King and Queen of the Prom!" cried out Pippy's date through his microphone. There was a surge of feedback and he pulled the mike away. The crowd groaned.

Pippy saved the day. She grabbed the mike and held it at the proper distance from her mouth. "We've just finished collating all your votes and two of our fellow students have come out head and shoulders above the rest. So let's hear it for our new King, Asriel Dreemur!

The crowd roared and clapped. Az was pushed out onto the dance floor and he stood there, blinking in the spotlight, looking surprised and embarrassed.

I wasn't surprised at all. There was never any doubt that Az was going to be the Prom King. He was good at everything and everyone loved him.

Everyone loved him. The thought frightened me.

But even so I clapped and whistled as loud as anyone. I was happy he'd won. He deserved it. He knelt while Pippy and her date placed the crown on his head and the purple, fur-lined cape around his shoulders. When he stood back up the crowd roared even louder.

The crown and cape were just stupid costume stuff, but somehow Az gave them dignity. As he stood tall and grinned and waved at everyone, he looked every part the king dad had once been.

No, he wasn't my prince any more. He was everyone's king.

Az's eyes slipped across the crowd and stopped when they found me. He grinned and waved and I waved back. I was glad for the shadows, then. My face was burning with embarrassment.

"And now for the Queen," said Pippy. "There was a tighter race this time, but still, one of us managed to fight off all comers to earn her place beside Az as Queen of the Prom. And that person is..."

Another drum roll. I crushed a fold of my dress in my hand. I knew it was all just silly theatrics, but I was alarmed by how Pippy had said it: the Queen, fighting off all comers to earn her place beside Az. The truth of those words cut too close to home.

No matter how hard I fought I'd never win that place. I'd never stand by his side, the queen to his king. I was his friend, his sister, and that's all I ever would be. And I knew, now, that it would never be enough for me.

Silence fell. The world stopped. Pippy drew out the envelope and opened it. Her lips moved, forming the syllables of the winner's name.

"Patience Spencer!"

The silence disintegrated. The crowd went wild with cheers and shouts as Patience, all six foot of her, stepped into the spotlight. Pippy handed Az the tiara. Patience bent at the knee and he placed it on her head.

She rose back to her full height, the tiara glittering on her brows like a fallen constellation. But brighter still was her beaming smile. She took Az's hand in her own and they lifted them together. The shouting and applause became a roar. My ears began to ring.

Alex took hold of my arm. "Frisk? Are you okay?"

"Just...dizzy," I said, willing my legs to keep me upright.

"Long Live King Az!" went up the cry. "Long live Queen Patience!"

Pippy's voice. "The King and Queen will now honour us with the royal dance!"

The shouts and applause died away. The band started up, but this time the music was slower, elegant, romantic. Az looked bemused, but Patience brought his hand down to her waist and his other found her shoulder. They slid effortlessly into a waltz.

I stood and stared. With her high heels, Patience was almost as tall as Az was. Slim and tall and beautiful, the two of them looked made for each other as they swept across the dance floor, lit by the spotlight.

I clutched my chest. God, what was with the racing of my heart? Had I really thought I'd be voted Prom Queen? Stupid!

No. No, of course I hadn't. All this time I'd thought Allie would be the Prom Queen. I'd steeled myself for it being Allie: perfect, princessly Allie. I was ready to see her stand beside Az, see her spin across the dance-floor in his arms. I knew he didn't love her, would never love her. She wasn't dangerous.

But Patience… Patience was everything that was dangerous, with her gorgeous, womanly face and body and mind. She symbolised every feminine threat I knew Az would one day face without me to protect him. At college he'd be surrounded by girls like Patience. It was only a matter of time until one got her claws into him, made him fall in love with her, played with him, kissed him, did everything with him that a man and woman do together, everything I wanted to do with Az but never would.

I couldn't watch any more. I slipped away fro Alex as the other couples took to the dance-floor, hoping nobody would see me. I didn't want to make a scene. Oh god, I could imagine Monday at school. Everybody would be talking about that weirdo Frisk who freaked out over her brother dancing with another girl. How weird! How weird and sick…

Sick…

As I pushed through the crowd, I heard someone crying. I reached the edge and saw Allie standing not far away. Her face was streaming with tears.

"Allie?"

She started at her name like she'd been slapped and wheeled on me. She shook her head, then turned and pushed her way out through the glass doors.

A couple who'd noticed the excitement began whispering. Scattered laughter came from others nearby.

The laughter broke my heart. I went to follow her, but stopped. No. I couldn't. Not in this state. I couldn't do anything for her. I'd just make things worse.

I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Frisk?"

It was Alex.

"Frisk, are you okay? Why did you…?"

I grabbed hold of his hands. "Alex, you have to go find Allie. She ran off crying."

He frowned. "Crying?"

"I wanted to follow her, but I-" I shook my head. "Please, Alex. Just go. She needs someone. She needs a friend right now and I..."

Alex glanced at the doors. "But Frisk, are you sure you're…?"

With all the energy I could muster I smiled at him. "I'm fine. Just dizzy. Go to her, Alex. Please. For me?"

He nodded and let go of my hands. He pushed his way through the doors and was gone.

Alex. I really didn't deserve him. I didn't deserve a friend like Allie, either. Or a brother like Az. I was…

I saw my reflection in the glass doors then. I don't know whether it was a trick of the light or the angle as I was looking, but I suddenly appeared alien to my own eyes, like a total stranger. Who was this girl? Standing there on her own in her weird blue dress, thinking she looked pretty? Short and round and boyish in the face, with that greasy complexion. Of course he didn't love you. How the hell could anyone love someone who looked like you?

I bit back the tears burning behind my eyes and went to look for my handbag. It was on our table, where I'd left it. As I reached for it, I saw movement from the corner of my eye. Tom and Justin, half-hidden behind a papier-mache echo flower. Tom was standing on a chair, her forelegs wrapped around Justin, her paws running up and down his back as they kissed.

The tears came in a flood then. I grabbed my handbag and fled.


	5. Chapter 5

I caught a taxi home. The taxi driver was kind enough not to try and make conversation and so I sat in silence the whole way, staring out the window into the darkness. Whenever we passed a streetlight, I caught glimpses of my face. It no longer looked so horribly alien, but I still didn't want to see it. Luckily, it would melt away as soon as the light passed and the darkness returned.

My phone started ringing. I switched it off without checking who was calling.

When the taxi dropped me off, I didn't go home. I just walked into the forest. I couldn't deal with mom and dad right now. I didn't want to disappoint them, either. I just wanted to be alone with my misery.

I reached the lookout. The city was ablaze, a chunk of a galaxy which had been torn out of the sky and jammed into the ground. I sat on the old fallen tree and began to count all the red lights I could see. A strange peace settled over me.

I recognised the peace. It was the same peace I'd felt that day long ago when I'd climbed Mt. Ebott as a child. I remembered reaching the summit and looking back over the city as I leaned on my climbing stick and rubbed at the bandage on my leg. It still hurt from where I'd fallen over on the climb up.

The city. I saw the whole of it for the first time that day. It was beautiful, but I knew its heart wasn't, that heart made up of so many cruel and indifferent humans. Why had I climbed Mt Ebott? Just to look at the city? I'd heard all those stories about the kids who'd climbed it and disappeared. I must have had a serious reason.

The truth was I'd wanted to disappear, too. And standing alone on the mountain top, with the sky all around me, I felt like I'd disappeared, a tiny, meaningless thing, swallowed up by nature.

I loved the feeling. I was feeling it right now. Alone. I was far better off being alone. It was a different kind of hurt, being alone. It was a hurt I could live with, like that dull ache in my chest.

My chest. It hurt.

I heard a branch snap and wheeled around. Moonlight glazed the edge of the forest. Something whiter than the moonlight pushed past the mottled shadow which was the old azalea bush.

I gripped the wood of the tree beneath me, my hands claws.

It was him, of course.

"Frisk?"

"Who's with you?" I demanded. My voice broke and I hated it.

His eyes found me in the darkness. "It's just me."

"Why aren't you at the after-party?"

He laughed. "You're stealing all my lines, sis."

"Sorry," I said. I wasn't apologising for stealing his lines.

"I tried calling you but your phone-"

"I switched it off."

"Oh," he said. He'd made his way to the fallen tree, now. "Mind if I sit down?"

His question broke my heart. This was our place. Of course he could sit down.

"Knock yourself out," I said.

He sat down beside me. "Frisky, I know something's wrong..."

"Don't call me that," I snapped. "'Frisky'. I hate that nickname." I hated it because it reminded me of when we were kids, of when everything made sense between us.

"Sorry," he said. "Look, sis. If you want some time to yourself, I'll go."

"No," I whispered. Time to myself. That was the problem. So much time to myself. Alone, I started to have strange thoughts, started to see shadows hiding behind every brightly-lit thing. Pushing him away… that had been the mistake.

God, I was weak. Why was I so weak?

My chest ached.

Az placed his hand on mine. I flinched, but I didn't pull away. I couldn't pull away. I didn't want to pull away.

Truth was, I wanted to pull him to me. I wanted to feel his body against mine. That was why I was sick. Loving him wasn't wrong. He wasn't really my brother. Fate had brought us together as step-brother and sister. If not for that...

But how did he feel about me? He'd never said anything.

I turned to him. I wanted at last to see answers on his face.

"Az, why did you take Sarina to the Prom?"

He blinked at me. "I told you why, didn't I? We decided to go as friends."

"But there wasn't anyone else you would've taken? I mean, like a real date?"

Az absent-mindedly flicked at an ear. I knew he was going to lie to me. It was his tell. I hadn't seen it for a long time.

"No," he said.

The horrible truth came crashing down upon me. There was someone else. He was hiding her. From me. But not for a bad reason. He just didn't want to hurt me. He knew. He knew I loved him. But what could he say? Who wanted to have that conversation with their sister? "Sis, I know you have a thing for me, but I'm your brother. I don't feel the same way. I can't feel the same way.'"

"Who is she?" I whispered.

"There's no one!" snapped Az. He sounded angry, but not at me.

"Is that why you wouldn't take me to the prom?"

Silence.

"Sis, you didn't want me to. You said no when I asked you, remember?"

"Stupid," I muttered. I didn't mean just him. "You never asked me."

"I did ask you."

"Not really," I said. "You didn't really ask me."

Silence again.

"Would you have said yes If I'd really asked you?" Az asked.

I looked down at my feet. They were flush with the ground. I wanted to kick them in the air, like I used to when I sat on this tree with Az when we were kids. But I was too tall, now.

"Yes," I said.

Az exhaled. "I… I should have asked you, then."

I didn't understand. Was he being kind to me? Easy to say you would have said yes…

"But it would've been weird," I said. "The two of us. Brother and sister going to the prom together. That's what you said."

"It was you who said that, Frisk."

I was about to turn on him, demand he own up to his words, but then I remembered. He was right. I was the one who'd said it. But I'd thought he was about to say it. I'd only said it because I hadn't wanted to hear it from his lips.

"You... don't think it would have been weird?"

"No," he said. "And I wouldn't have cared what anyone else thought, either."

"But you did," I said. "Care, I mean."

"When?"

"At Allie's party. When we were-" I left the sentence hanging.

Az sighed. "That stupid game."

"Yeah, that stupid game."

This was it, I realised. I knew then that I had to get past this final hurdle. This was the thing lurking in my heart, pulling me down, cutting me up inside. I had to extract it, otherwise I'd just go mad. There'd be no end to this suffering, this dark, oppressive feeling that turned everything I loved into a burden.

"Az," I asked. "If there'd been no one else around that night, would you have kissed me? Really kissed me, I mean."

I was waiting for Az to ask me what I meant. Typical boy, he'd have no idea what I was talking about. But Az said nothing. His hand slid off mine and my heart stopped. But only for a single beat.

He brought his hand up to my cheek, cupped my chin, brushed the hair from beneath my ear with his fingertips.

And then he leaned forward and brought his lips against mine.

It was no chaste, brotherly kiss on the cheek this time. Not a friend's kiss, either. Not even a best friend's kiss.

I parted my lips in a gasp. He took my bottom lip between his own. I tasted his breath on my tongue. Cola. He'd been drinking cola all night.

The tip of my tongue slipped out. His was waiting to meet it. I tasted him then for the first time. Heat, and wetness, the flavour of his kiss. His tongue slipped into my mouth and I drew it in.

As our tongues mingled, I melted inside. I wanted this feeling to last forever. But too soon, too soon he pulled away.

"Wow," I said. "Uh."

Az's face was serious. "That's what I would have done."

I lifted a hand to my lips. They were tingling. I could still taste his sweetness in my mouth. The melting which had started in my heart was flooding lower. I touched my hand to my chest.

My heart. It no longer ached.

Az blinked at me. "Frisk?"

"Uh, Az?" I said. "I think I missed it. You'll have to show me again."

He smiled, then, and leaned forward again. I was ready this time. I took hold of his hand, wove my fingers in his. I didn't want him to pull away so soon this time. I didn't want him to ever stop kissing me.

His kiss was gentle, but mine was hungry. I slipped my tongue into his mouth, found his waiting there. Glorious heat and wetness enveloped me again. I gasped, but kept kissing, the gasp trapped as a murmur deep in my throat, almost a purr.

Az's fingers slipped higher up into my hair. I lifted my hand to his chest. I needed to touch him, feel the warmth of his body. I felt the cotton of his shirt, the hardness of a button. My fingers found their way inside and encountered the fluffy fuzz of his chest-fur. I could feel his heart, beating. It was beating fast.

Mine was too.

I pulled away this time. I had no choice. I needed to breathe.

"Oh god, sis," Az whispered, panting.

I smiled at him and ran the fingers inside his shirt through his fur.

"Mmm," I said. "Wow, Az. Your chest is really firm."

"Is it?" His wide violet eyes glistened with a mixture of amusement and embarrassment.

"Yeah. Hey. Let me… just let me do this for a second."

I slipped my hand out and touched the nearest button. I was planning to unbutton it one-handed, but after fumbling around for a few seconds I bought my other hand in to help.

Az closed his eyes, then.

"Frisk, should we… should we really be doing this?"

I popped the button and slid my whole hand inside his shirt.

"You don't want to?" I asked.

His mouth dropped open as I danced my fingers over his chest.

"I want to," he said. "You want to?"

I laughed and unbuttoned a second, lower button with my other hand, then slipped that one inside too.

"God," I said. "Az, you're so tight."

His heart raced inside his chest as he panted. I took my fill of exploring his wonderful chest, making his gasp when I brushed his hard nipples with my finger tips. I was teasing him, and myself, too. I was swimming now, melting away below my waist, and everything I touched made me shiver with a mix of pleasure and desperate need.

I slid my hands down the side of his body, let the fingers drum along his ribs. Az burst out laughing and pulled away,

"No, don't!" he cried.

His laughter scared me. "You don't like it?"

He was still laughing, but he managed to shake his head. "No," he gasped. "No, I love it. It's just..."

"Oh yeah," I said, grinning when I remembered. "You're ticklish, aren't you?"

"Yes, very."

I lifted a hand to his face, but then dummied and tickled him under the ear. He laughed again and pulled away.

"You're still ticklish, Az?" I said. "How old are you?"

He bit back his laughter and replied, "Same age as you, sis." He watched me, on the defensive, his shirt pulled open, his chest bare and aglow like snow in the moon's light.

I moved closer, grinning. He retreated, his eyes wide with exaggerated alarm.

"Hey," I said. "Don't run away, bro. I'm not going to tickle you any more."

"You promise?"

I placed a hand on my chest, like I was taking the pledge of allegiance. "I solemnly promise not to tickle you any more. Unless you ask me to, of course."

His eyes narrowed. He looked liked mom whenever he did that. "How can I be sure you're telling the truth?"

I stared at him, scandalised. "You're accusing me of lying?"

"You have a bad track record of lying about tickling me, Frisk."

Damn. He had me there.

"Well," I said, grabbing his hand before he could pull away. "Feel for yourself."

I brought his hand to my chest and placed it on a breast. For a few heartbeats he didn't move and just stared, but then he gave in to temptation and squeezed, gently.

"Uh, so what am I feeling for here?"

I closed my eyes. His touch was like fire. "My heart. Can you feel how hot it is? How hot it's making my chest?"

"Uh, yeah," said Az. "I guess so."

"Hmmm," I murmured. "Maybe all those sequins are in the way. You should probably..." I left the sentence hanging.

Timidly he slipped his fingers into my bodice. It was a nice dress. I was glad I'd worn it. It made me look busty.

I sighed and took his hand, drawing it lower.

Az's fingers slid deeper into my bodice, brushing past the hardness of a nipple. I gasped. His breathing grew rough. Soon his whole hand was cupping my breast.

God, my nipple was pressing against his palm, now. I felt as though every nerve in my body had risen to the surface of my skin. Even the breeze against my bare neck was turning me on.

"It's a bit tight, isn't it," I said. "Give me a second. I'll just..." I reached around and started to unzip my dress.

Az slid his hand out. "Frisk, wait."

I stopped mid-zip. "What's the matter?"

He was pulling one ear. The habit seemed even more adorable on grown-up Az as it had on the little goat-boy. "Frisk, are we.. are we really going to do this?"

I smiled at him. His fluster melted my heart. "Are you worried about mom and dad?"

"No," he said. "It's just… after this, what are we going to do?"

"Uh," I said. I had no idea what to say to that. Trust Az to be the sensible one.

He took my hands. "Frisk, I want to go out with you."

"Go out with me?" The words sounded strange in my ears.

"You know. As boyfriend and girlfriend."

"Oh." Boyfriend and girlfriend. Not as siblings. Not as friends.

I sat there, pensive. A thought had struck me. "Az, even if we're going out, do you think we can still be those other things, too?"

"What other things?"

"Brother and sister. Friends. Best friends."

Az laughed. "Of course we can." His face was shy, so utterly shy and boyish that I think I fell in love with him all over again. "So, do you want to?"

"Yes!" I cried, throwing my arms around his neck and kissing his lips over and over and over. "Oh Az! Yes, yes, yes!"

He kissed me back. The kiss became hot. I broke away at last. I wanted more.

"So," I said. "Should we… I dunno, find somewhere a bit more comfy?"

"Uh, yeah," said Az, drumming his fingers on the old fallen cedar.. "I seem to remember there's a nice patch of grass over there somewhere."

He stood up and helped me down off the tree.

"It's not anywhere near the edge is it?" I asked.

He laughed. "No. It should be safe."

We found it, a nice secluded little spot beneath a tree. "I used to sleep here sometimes," Az said.

"Why didn't you ever tell me that?"

"I knew you'd come looking for me and wake me up if you knew about it."

I pushed him on the chest. "You rat!"

He laughed. "C'mon, sis. I promise I won't keep any more secrets from you."

We sat down together. A sudden shyness had developed between us. I decided to take the initiative and started to take my dress off.

"Uh, we'd better be careful not to ruin our clothes," I said.

Az's eyes were glued to me. "Huh?"

My dress was bunched around my waist, now, and I paused. "You know, grass stains and..."

"Oh yeah," he said. He unbuttoned his shirt and slipped it off. He did it quickly. His eyes didn't leave me.

I slid my dress off and quickly folded it. I shivered a little as I did. It wasn't from the cold. Even if it was sub-zero out here right now rather than a glorious spring evening, I wouldn't have been cold. His eyes were leaving burning trails over my body. I knew he was staring at my boobs. He hadn't seen my bare chest since we'd been kids and I guess he was surprised at how big they were.

I didn't feel a bit embarrassed, just crazily excited. It took all my concentration not to start trembling.

Az was shy, though. He had trouble unbuckling his pants.

"Here," I said. "Let me."

Dressed only in my underpants I leaned across and helped him. It was all for show. I just wanted him to get a nice view of my full length, such that it was. Every girl looks good stretched out like a cat, her boobs hanging, her butt sticking up in the air. Being a show-off made me even stickier and I found, like a fool, that I was just as bad as he was at unbuckling belts.

I managed it at last and tore his trousers from under his butt.

"Hey, careful!" cried Az. "I have to pay if those get damaged."

I snorted. "Oh, come on. I had to buy that dress outright. And this underwear, too."

His eyes slipped over me. "I like it."

"The dress or the underwear?"

"Both," he said.

"Perv," I said, sticking out my tongue. I worked his trousers off him, folded them up and left them on my dress.

We sat back together, now only in our underwear.

"Lucky it's warm," he said.

"Yeah," I said.

I was sick of waiting. I knew I had to make the first move. Az had grown up, but there were a lot of things that hadn't changed. It was just like when we were kids, when it was always up to me to take the lead.

I clambered over his legs and sat astride him.

"I'm not too heavy, am I?" I asked.

Az shook his head. His hands slipped around my bare waist and I gasped. I leaned forward and kissed him, weighing him down so that he'd have to lie back.

God. I really was so much shorter than him.

"You're so hard," I said.

Az blushed.

"I meant your muscles," I laughed. Then I sat back so that my butt was pressing down on him. "But.. no, you're right. You're super hard there, too. Just like that time."

"What time?"

"The tickle fight. That time mom caught us."

"Oh," said Az. "You remember that?"

"Yeah," I said. I lifted my hands and wiggled my fingers.

Az's eyes went wide and he began squirming under me but I laughed and shook my head.

"No, I promised. I'm not going to break a promise to you, Az."

I kissed him again. I'd never get sick of how he tasted, of the feel of his fuzz against my face, the scent of his body.

I drew my lips from his gasping mouth. "I want to kiss all of you," I murmured, slipping my mouth down his neck and onto his bare chest.

Az's breath became ragged. I knew he was enjoying what I was doing. I found a nipple and mouthed it. He gasped. Yeah, I thought he might like that. I left one hand caressing his neck while I slipped the other lower, down between his legs. When I placed it on that wonderful bulge in his underwear he almost leaped out of his skin.

I just chuckled and gave it a playful squeeze.

"Ah!" Az cried.

I grinned up at him, before returning to my kissing. I followed the trail of slightly thicker fur that continued down his flat stomach to his abdomen and stopped to tongue his bellybutton.

"No, Frisk!" He started laughing. "That's ticklish too!"

I snorted, offended my kisses were making him laugh. I scooshed lower, grabbed the waist band of his pants and slipped them down.

"Wow, this part of you grew up too," I murmured.

I dove down on him. Az moaned. I'd never done it before, but I knew what I was doing. Girls talk about this sort of thing in grisly detail all the time, and Patience was the resident expert among my group of friends. I understood how the basics worked, and I soon learned what Az liked. He was like an open book to me. He couldn't hide anything, every little twitch and moan and faster racing of his heart telling me to stop or go faster. I murmured, happy, as I explored every inch of him. His fingers slid through my hair, keeping me gently in place. He had nothing to worry about. I wasn't going to stop so soon.

But then I felt him getting close and I pulled away.

"No, not yet!" I cried. "I don't want to waste it."

"Oh god, Frisk," gasped Az, sitting up and gazing down at me in disbelief. His chest was rising and falling like he'd just finished a dozen laps of the pool. "Have… have you ever done that before?"

His eyes were shy beneath his long dark lashes. He looked so fragile. I laughed.

"Nah," I said. "I'm just naturally good at it."

I always knew I would be.

I sat up on my knees and hooked my fingers into the waistband of my underpants.

"Wh- what are you doing?" asked Az.

I laughed again, then. "What does it look like? I don't want anything getting in the way when… when we..." It was my turn to blush.

I began pulling my undies down, but Az touched my knee. He was blushing even redder. "Frisk, wait. I want to do it."

I blinked up at him. "Huh? Well, uh, sure. Knock yourself out."

Az slid out from under me, took hold of my hips and swung me around on all fours.

"Hey wait!" I cried.

"Aw c'mon sis, it's my turn now."

Sis. The word went straight between my legs. God, had he said it on purpose?

But I had no time to think. Az had slipped his fingers under the waistband of my undies and slowly, teasingly, drew them down.

"Oh god," he murmured.

"Wh- what?" I felt totally exposed then, to the air and to his eyes.

"You're soaking."

"Sorry," I said. "I'm just really-"

But there was no room for any more words. Az dove forward and I felt his hot tongue on me. I cried out as a bolt of pleasure rushed along my spine and I shuddered, my trembling knees threatening to collapse beneath me. Az grabbed hold of the cheeks of my butt and kept his mouth and lips glued to me.

"Oh Az! Az!"

I pressed my face against the back of my hands, gripping the ground as Az pleasured me. There wasn't a single place he left untouched. I felt as though I was melting away, my pleasure pouring out of me.

He took his lips and tongue away, gasping. "You taste so good!"

I started drooling, then. I couldn't stand it. I was ready for him to make me his. I arched my back and stuck out my butt, wanting him to mount me, but when he hesitated I wheeled around and threw him back on the grass.

I kicked off my undies which were bunched around one heel and then tore his off. We were both utterly naked now and the sight of him, laid out, like a statue of gorgeous, milky marble excited me even more. I straddled his body and eased myself onto him.

"Frisk!" Az gasped.

Pain for a moment, a hot stinging, but then… but then, oh god, it's hard to describe. Az was a part of me for the first time. I shuddered from the intensity of this new kind of pleasure.

"Uhn." I leaned forward, wanting to kiss him but worried he'd leave me. Az's hands slipped onto my waist, holding me in place.

Oh. So that was how it worked. I had to stretch a little to kiss him, but the pleasure roaring through my body wiped away any thoughts of being uncomfortable. The stinging between my legs had been swallowed up by it, too. I felt sticky wetness between us, but I didn't care. We could clean up later.

I leaned forward, rubbing up against his fur. The delight already flowing through me spiked and I gasped out my pleasure against his mouth.

"Oh Az, oh god!"

I rubbed more. Az groaned. He lifted me off a short way then he moved his hips, bringing us together again.

No stinging this time, just an intoxicating wave of pleasure.

We soon found a rhythm, halting and unsure though it was. Truth is, I was so turned on I think he could have done anything and it would have feel good. But Az was a natural. He understood me. He went slow and then fast, always seeming to know what I wanted.

I guess that was the benefit of growing up together. He could read my every little gasp, every grimace and twitch of my eyes, while I could tell from the pressure of his fingers on my butt just how excited he was.

"Wh- what's with all the squeezing?" I asked as I drew in breath between kisses.

"I… I just love your butt," he gasped.

I dove back down, kissing him even harder. Dear, sweet Az! 'I love your butt.'

We didn't last long after that. I'd wanted this to last forever, but poor Az... he was getting tired. Beads of sweat had appeared on his forehead. It was easier for the girl on top, but I wasn't that fit. My forehead was awash and I could feel my hair sticking to it.

"Um, Frisk? Ah! I… shouldn't we stop?"

I gaped at him, but I didn't stop moving my hips. I was addicted to this, now. "No. God, why?"

"I'm not wearing a… you know, uh, protection."

"Don't worry about it," I said, ignoring every single shame-faced lecture mom had given me about practising safe sex.

"But I might get you..."

"Shh," I said, leaning down and kissing his fears away. "If you're really worried we can stop."

"No!" he cried.

The look of desperation on his open, gentle face was so adorable I began humping him wildly. I needed him. I needed to hear him cry out my name. I needed…

"Uh! Uh Frisk. I- I think I'm going to..."

I grinned down at him. "I'm going to, too."

"Frisk! Frisk! Ah! Ah! Meh!"

"Hey bro," I gasped. "Was… was that a bleat?"

"No," he gasped. "No. Yes. No. Oh god!"

He was close, I knew. My chest grew tight. My heart felt like it would burst. Huge tension welled up in me like the electricity before a storm.

Az cried out and all at once I was filled to overflowing.

It drove me over the edge. I ground my hips against his, desperate with need. I shuddered as pleasure blasted through me like a shock-wave, dissolving away the tension, making me scream out his name.

Our hips kept clashing together, growing steadily weaker, until at last I couldn't do it any more and I collapsed on top of him. I was a sea of sweat and I felt bad that I was making his beautiful fur sticky. But I didn't have the energy to move.

I felt his arms slip off my butt and wrap around my torso, his fingers stroking my back. I murmured in delight. I loved having my back stroked. I felt so full and happy and safe.

I lifted my head from his chest, struggle to move higher to be able to kiss him, gave up and caressed his throat with my lips instead.

"Oh Frisk," he murmured, stroking my greasy hair.

"Wait," I gasped. "My hair… it's sticky."

Az laughed. "Everything's sticky, Frisk."

"Yeah," I said. It was sticky, but I didn't care. We were glued together. I loved the feeling.

We lay together, enjoying the ebbing waves of pleasure that still had us tingling. My fingers slipped through the moist hair on his chest and he grabbed hold of my hand and held it to him.

"I love you so much, Frisk."

"I love you too, bro."

This time I knew he meant it the same way I did. 

* * *

I lay there in bliss for an eternity, but then I started to feel cold.

"Hey," I muttered.

'Huh?" Az sounded as though he'd fallen asleep.

"Maybe we should go home," I said. "Dad and mom might be worrying about us."

Az laughed. "Oh god. What are we going to tell them?"

"Well," I said. "Maybe we…. Maybe we shouldn't just come straight out and tell them. Maybe we should get them used to the idea first."

"I think you're right," said Az with a sigh. "I don't want mom fainting or anything."

Fainting? I was more worried Toriel would set us on fire.

I slipped a hand down to my thighs.

"Yuk," I said.

Az sat up. "I think I've got a bottle of water in the car."

We slunk off to the car, naked and carrying our clothes. Mom and dad were hiding behind every tree, lurking in wait for us, but we reached the car without incident. Az had parked it on the side road closest to the lookout. He'd known exactly where I was.

Az switched on the light. I looked down at myself. The moonlight hadn't shown anything much at all, but I still felt sticky.

"Hey," I said. "There's only a few little smears of blood."

"That's a relief," said Az.

I glanced at him. His bare butt and little tail were so cute as he bent over to rake through all the stuff on the back seat, I couldn't help but goose him.

"Watch out, prince fluffy-buns!"

He wheeled on me, a bottle of water in his hand. "Frisk!"

I started laughing but then I looked down. His sex was lying there, soft and cute between his thighs. It'd done a good job and deserved the rest. But beneath it….

"Az!" I yelped. "Blood!"

Az looked down. His thighs were red with drying blood. His eyes boggled.

He hurriedly popped the top of the bottle and stared spilling water over himself and rubbing at his legs madly.

"Wait," I said as I threw around the stuff on the back seat looking for a towel for him. "That's my blood, right?"

"Yeah," said Az.

I found a towel and handed it to him, then grabbed the water and splashed it on myself, gasping at the sudden cold. "Oh! But how is that possible? I had like two little smears."

"I don't know," said Az. Then he started laughing.

I started laughing too, and kept laughing as we helped each other dry ourselves.

"I wasn't expecting that," I said.

"Me neither," said Az.

We couldn't resist messing around a bit, but soon we had to put on our clothes. It was well past the time we'd told mom and dad we'd be back.

We got in the car and checked ourselves in the rear-vision mirror.

"Uh oh," I said.

"What?"

"It looks like we just had sex."

"Stop it," said Az, and he chuckled. "They won't suspect a thing."

I searched out the little bits of twig and grass in my hair and tossed them out the window. My heart was full to overflowing. Az… Az and me, together, in the mirror. We'd looked like a couple.

My heart shone and I closed my eyes. So this… so this was bliss, right? This incredible, intoxicating joy rising from my toes up to the top of my head? I put on my belt and lay back as Az backed the car up.

There was still a light on in the house. Az grabbed hold of my hand and squeezed it as we walked up the front steps.

"Ready?"

I drew in a lungful of breath. "Ready."

He unlocked the door and we slipped inside.

Dad was asleep on the couch. The TV was on. Mom was nowhere to be seen.

As we walked in dad jerked up, awake.

"Uh," he said rubbing his eyes. "What time is it?"

We looked at the clock.

"Uh, late," said Az.

"Sorry dad," I said.

Dad shook his head. He sat forward and looked at us, blinking. I was aware, then, of how crumpled my dress was, of a blade of grass on my arm which I'd missed. I glanced at Az. His hair was all tousled and his face still glowed from how much he'd sweated.

A strange light flickered in dad's gentle eyes and he smiled.

"You kids have a good time?"

Don't blush, don't blush, don't blush….

"Uh, yeah," we both said.

"I sent your mother to bed," said dad. "She was worrying a bit but I told her you'd be back when you'd be back." He stood up. "You'd better go to bed. It is pretty late." His eyes flicked over us. "Have a shower first, though."

He scratched his tummy underneath his pyjamas and dawdled off to bed.

As soon as he was gone, I took Az's hand. "Wanna shower together, big brotato chip?"

Az blinked at me. Then he laughed. "Maybe not tonight, s- ...darling."

Darling. He called me darling. I dragged his hand to my lips and kissed it.

"Oh god," I said. "All of a sudden I wanna do it again."

Az grinned. "Me too."

We didn't shower together. It was just too dangerous. I let Az have the first shower. He was the one who'd been covered in blood, after all.

When he came out I ambushed him. I slid my hand under the lapel of his shower robe and tickled his ribs. He skipped away, biting his lip to stop from laughing.

God, he was beautiful, with his slick-backed hair and shower-pink skin peeping from beneath his white fur. I felt myself getting sticky again.

But I decided to show him mercy. I didn't want us to get caught, after all.

I closed the door and stripped off my dress and undies. God, what a mess. I really did need a shower.

As I covered myself in fragrant foam, I thought about mom and dad. What would they say when we told them? With the crazy bliss from the sex gentler now, I'd started to worry about it. But dad… well, dad's funny expression when he'd seen us walk in. Could he have suspected we'd just…?

No. That wasn't possible, was it? I mean, he'd looked pleased.

Maybe, just maybe things would work out. I decided to stop worrying and not spoil things. I threw myself under the steaming hot water until all the foam was washed away. But even after that Az's delicious scent lingered on every part of my body, as if he'd marked me as his own.


	6. Chapter 6

The next morning I snuck into Az's room early, while it was still dark. He was asleep and I sat in the chair at his study desk, watching him. After a while I crept closer.

"Bro?" I whispered.

He muttered something and frowned but didn't wake up.

I took hold of his ear and, my heart suddenly mischievous, placed the tip in my mouth.

His lips fell open.

I mouthed his ear and he murmured and smiled. He didn't wake up, though.

I knelt down beside the bed and slipped my head under the covers. The warmth and darkness smelled powerfully of him, and I could smell something else - the left-over smell of sex. I grew excited and I felt for his pyjama bottoms and slipped them down. He was soft and cute and I coaxed him to attention.

Az murmured and shifted in the bed but didn't wake up. It only took a short while of playing with him before I had him shuddering and gasping. Then the covers flew off.

"Sis?" he asked, blinking and still bleary-eyed from sleep. "What the-?"

I grinned up at him and swallowed.

"Morning, bro."

"Geeze," he said, rubbing his eyes. "I thought I was just having some weird dream." He smiled shyly, his cheeks pinkening with embarrassment. "How long were you under there?"

"Not long," I said. I crawled in beside him, threw an arm across his chest and nuzzled my face into his armpit. He smelled amazing.

His arm slipped around my shoulders and I felt like I might start purring.

"That's a pretty awesome way to wake up," he said, kissing my hair. "Hey, do you want me to…?" His hand slipped down my side and onto my hip.

I shook my head. "It's okay. I just wanted to treat you." I lay there, enjoying the wonderful warmth of his body, almost dozing off, when something occurred to me. "Hey Az," I said. "Last night was the first time you ever did anything like that, right?"

Az laughed. "Of course it was."

"You can be honest, you know," I said. "I won't get angry or anything."

"I'm telling you the truth."

"Oh," I said. "Okay. It's just..."

"Just what?"

"It's just that you were so good at it."

Az laughed. "You were too, you know."

I blushed. "I was?"

"Yeah."

"I guess," I said, slipping my fingers in between two of the buttons of his pyjama top, "I guess we just know what each other likes."

"I guess so," said Az. His hand had crept into my pyjama bottoms and he squeezed my butt.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Squeezing your butt."

"Why?"

"I like your butt."

I sat up and pulled the pillow from under his head. "'I like your butt'," I repeated, laughing, as I attacked him with it.

There was a clatter from the kitchen. Our eyes went wide in shock and I dropped the pillow.

"Mom's up," gasped Az.

I padded to the door and glanced out down the corridor in the direction of the living room. The coast was clear. I stepped out and swung round to find myself staring right into dad's chest.

It took every ounce of my determination not to scream.

He blinked at me. "Sugar-bun? You're up early."

"Uh, yeah. Morning dad."

He leaned down and tapped his cheek. "Where's my good-morning kiss?"

I stood up on tippy-toes, but then I remembered what I'd just been doing.

"Sorry dad," I said, pushing past him. "I- I've really got to pee."

I locked myself in the bathroom and after peeing – I really did have to – I brushed my teeth three times, just to make sure.

* * *

I spent the weekend floating everywhere I went. Whenever we got the chance, Az and I got up to all kinds of mischief. We played footsy under the dining table and groped each other unmercifully when mom and dad weren't looking. If I found Az with his guard down I'd creep up and tweak his tail or bite at his ears.

We were soon too worked up and things got dangerous, so Az told mom and dad he was taking me to the beach.

Mom said it was fine, as long as we made sure all our chores were done. I knew she was still annoyed we'd come home so late after the prom, but she tried to hide it. Good old dad must have covered for us and saved us from a potential scolding by telling mom we'd come home earlier than we had.

We jumped in the car.

"Are we really going to the beach?" I asked.

Az turned to me. "You don't want to?"

I grabbed his hand. "Just drive into the forest a way. I don't think I can wait that long."

"C'mon Frisk," said Az with a laugh. "We need to be more careful."

"I guess you're right," I said. Like I said, Az had always been the sensible one.

As we drove, I stared out the window. The world looked so fresh and new and beautiful.

"Hey Az," I began.

"Mmmm?"

"I think dad knows about us."

He almost drove off the road. "What, really?"

"Uh huh." I explained about the look I'd seen on his face last night.

"He wasn't angry?"

I snorted. "Have you ever seen dad angry? I think he might like the idea, actually."

Silence, then, "Do you think mom will be happy for us too when she finds out?" Az asked.

Toriel? I pursed my lips. Moms were protective of their sons in a strange way.

"I think mom might need a bit of convincing," I said.

We arrived at the beach, the secluded one of all those months ago. We'd forgotten our swimming costumes, but it didn't matter. We weren't there to swim. We walked along the beach hand in hand. Oh god, I couldn't wait until we could do this everywhere we went. I wanted to show off my handsome boyfriend to everyone.

School. School would be a problem, too. Pippy and Alex and the others. They might not understand at first.

Az's hand slipped onto my butt and he goosed me. Mock-scandalised, I skipped away from him and stuck out my tongue.

"Keep your hands to yourself, mister! I'm your sister, don't forget."

Az's eyes gleamed and he lunged at me.

"Oh no!" I gasped. I turned and ran – but not every fast.

Az was on me in moments. He pushed me to the sand and tried to kiss me. I fended him off with soft bats of my hands.

"No, no, stop!"

Az stopped. "Wait, Frisk? You're... you're joking right?"

I batted him one more time on the chest. "Eek, eek," I said. "A monster!"

Az laughed and this time I didn't try to evade his kisses. I threw my arms around his neck and drew him closer.

We made love for the second time then. Az, dear, sensible Az had brought protection. I didn't argue with him. He was right to be careful, though I missed the feeling of being filled to overflowing. But as it was, this second time was just as good, if not better. We knew what we were doing, and even though it was slower and gentler, it was no less intense.

And that's how it was for the rest of the weekend. Every moment we could steal, we were together. We seemed to have limitless energy. I wondered if everyone was like this. But how could they be? Az and I were meant to be together. Our destinies were intertwined. I understood that, now. Nothing could have kept us apart for long. Love and fate and hormones had made the whole thing inevitable.

Even having to field some of the drama that had boiled over from prom night couldn't drag me down off the fluffy cloud I was floating on. Pippy rang to tell me that she'd seen Alex and Allie together on the beach.

"Oh," I said. Damn. I'd promised myself I'd ring Alex to see that everything was okay – he'd sent me a message to tell me that Allie was alright, but Az had distracted me from replying.

"You don't sound that annoyed," said Pippy.

"Nah, not really," I said. "I'm happy for them."

"You missed a great after party, though. Oh hey, did you know Justin and Tom are going out, now?"

I remembered the sight of the two of them making out. It had seemed so shocking at the time, but now… well, now it just seemed adorable.

"I know," I said. "I saw them at the prom. She had to stand on a chair to kiss him."

Pippy giggle-snorted. "Hey, I wonder how they'd… you know."

I smiled. "...'you know'?"

"You know!" Her voice dropped to a whisper. "Have sex."

"Tom'd have to be on top I guess," I said.

The thought of the two having sex was equal parts adorable and sexy. Monsters and humans and all their delicious differences. My heart began to race.

I left Pippy laughing, said goodbye and went looking for Az. I found him washing his car.

"Hey," he said.

Mom was at school grading papers and dad was laying down some new turf for the sports-ground, so I jumped on him. The hose, knocked from his hands, soaked the two of us and the bucket tipped over, spraying its bubbles everywhere. I flicked foam at him and he squirted me with the hose. I pressed the wet material of my t-shirt against my chest and stuck out my tongue at him. Az threw the hose aside and lunged for me and I darted around him, laughing and grabbing at his tail. Soon he had me on the ground, wrestled me out of my clinging clothes and made me his, over and over and over again, gasping my name as I cried out his to the radiant blue sky. 

* * *

I came back from school on Monday shivering with need. I'd had to spend almost the whole day apart from him, and when we'd been together for that brief moment at lunch I'd had to be at my best behaviour.

Az had gone home early to work on his biology project while I stayed back to get the full low-down from Allie on everything that had happened after the prom. She was still messed up, but Alex had done a great job at being a shoulder to cry on, as I'd expected. I was glad. I couldn't help but feel a bit guilty now, since I was enjoying the thing she'd wanted more than anything else.

The thing I'd wanted more than anything else. And I had it.

I found Az sitting at the kitchen table when I came in.

"Hey," I said. "Mom and dad at home?"

He shook his head.

"Great," I said. "Get out of those pants, prince fluffy-buns."

"Frisk," he said.

Frisk. My name. I felt a sudden gust of icy wind cut through me. "Yes, Asriel?"

He nodded towards the table. I noticed for the first time there was a letter on it.

"Who's it from?" I asked.

I didn't have to ask. I already knew. That university. The one on the other side of the country. The wave of cold passed. I turned on my smile, the one which the supportive sister wore. "A rejection, huh?" I sat down. "Well, it's not like you were expecting to…."

"I got in," said Az. "It's an acceptance letter."

"Oh," I said. "Well, congratulations. I mean, you can't accept, but just getting an acceptance letter is-"

Az looked across at me from under his dark lashes. "Frisk, I- I'm going to accept."

The smile melted off my face. "You can't," I said. "Az, you can't, right?"

He leaned across and took hold of my hand. "Frisk, I-"

I started to tremble. "You're... you're breaking up with me?"

Az looked shocked. "No! No way. No. I love you, Frisk. You're my girl."

"But you'll be a thousand miles away!"

"Frisk, it doesn't change anything. We'll still be together. We'll have our holidays together and I'll come back home every second weekend ad I'll call you every night and..."

"It'll change everything!" I cried. "Az, I- I can't be away from you."

The thought terrified me.

"Frisk, calm down."

I laughed. "Calm down? Oh sure, I'll just calm down. That's easy. Here I go… calming down."

"Frisk, you're-"

"Don't you dare say I'm overreacting," I shot at him through gritted teeth.

He squeezed my hand. "Frisk, listen to me. Just-"

"What about us?" I whispered.

"Frisk, there'll still be us."

I pulled my hand away. "So I was just an easy target for you, Az? Just lay me and string me along and..."

Az smashed his hand on the table. I flinched away, shocked.

"Don't be stupid," he hissed. "Is that what you think I'm like, sis? Do you really think that?"

I stared at the table. I was shaking. My own fear and his violence had shaken me.

"I love you, Frisk."

I closed my eyes. His voice sounded as though it was coming from far away. "Frisk, please understand. This acceptance. I- it's my big chance. I can finally do everything I've ever wanted to do. You know how much I love botany, and they've got the best professors and facilities in the country. It's my dream, Frisk."

My dream.

I opened my eyes. They were stinging. "You were my dream," I whispered.

"Frisk, why can't you just-?"

"Because I know what will happen," I whispered. "I've seen it. In my nightmares."

"Your nightmares?"

"You leave me, Az. You find someone else."

He shook his head. "I'll never leave you."

"Liar," I said.

I bent forward. I felt sick all of a sudden. My stomach. It was so warm. What if… what if I was…?

I gave voice to my fear. "What if I'm pregnant, Az?"

Az's eyes went wide. "Pregnant? But how could you-?"

"What if I am?"

Az straightened his back. "If you're pregnant, I'll do the right thing, Frisk."

"Liar," I said again.

Az's eyes narrowed. I suddenly saw a lot of Toriel in his face. "I won't leave you, Frisk. You… you never left me, right?"

I didn't reply. I just sat there, staring down at my hands as I wrung them together. I couldn't feel anything any more, even when I twisted the skin on them. My eyes ached, filled to overflowing. Tears spilled down my cheeks.

Az got out of his seat and walked around the table. "Frisk, I-"

As soon as I felt his hand on my shoulder I shoved him away.

"Stay away from me!" I cried. I half-rose, half-fell out of my chair and stood there, shaking.

Az was staring at me. His face was a mask of hurt.

"Sis," he whispered.

"I'm not your sister!" I screamed. "I'm not your anything. You monster, you monster!"

I ran from the house. I wandered into the forest, blinded by my tears, and got myself lost, wanting to be lost, wishing for some hole to swallow me up, some monster to come and tear me to pieces. I heard Az crying out my name. I stopped. Part of me wanted to go back to him. But the pain – the horrible, terrible agony in my chest. I couldn't bear it any longer. I turned and fled from him.

Dad found me later that night. He was carrying a flash-light and the beam flicking over my face woke me up.

"Come on, sugar-bun," he said. "Let's go home."

Neither Az nor I ever told mom or dad about what had happened. I heard them talking late one night in the living room about it. They were worried, but they put it down to hormones and drama at school.

I stayed away from Az after that. I withdrew from everyone. A void of despair had opened up within me. The nightmares came back, stronger now, stronger for all the years I'd kept them locked away.

No, Az. Az was the one who'd locked them away.

Now I couldn't even bear to look at him. He frightened me, just like a real monster would. He tried, oh god how he tried, to pull me out of that hole. But he was the one who had put me in there. No, that's not right. I was the one. But I didn't want to leave it. Despair was preferable to fear.

He never gave up. But one day I woke up to find the pain had become a numbness and I decided to act as though nothing had happened between us. I went about my day, polite to Az and to my parents, acting as though nothing had happened over the past few weeks.

Mom and dad were overjoyed to have me back. But Az knew. He knew I was just acting. He could see the emptiness hiding behind my eyes.

One evening he knocked on the door of my room.

"It's me," he said.

"Come in 'me'," I said.

I was lying on the bed doing my homework. Az came in and sat on the edge.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," I said.

He asked me about school, about how my friends were. I knew he wouldn't leave until we'd had some kind of conversation. I told him about how Tom and Justin were having a fight. Apparently Justin had patted Tom on the head in front of some friends of hers and she'd been humiliated.

Az laughed. "Poor guy. They're a cute couple, aren't they?"

"Yeah," I said.

"Hey Frisk," he said suddenly. "Can… can we talk?"

I blinked at him. "We are talking."

Az's face was serious. "No, I mean about us."

"There's no us, Az" I said. "I got my period. There's no baby."

Az's face flooded with relief. I looked at him, hating him for it.

"See," I said. "I told you you were a liar."

He opened his mouth, ready to say something. But then he just stood up and left.

After that night, he began to act as though nothing had happened between us as well. And after a while the charade became the truth.

And yet… even though we'd broken up I still went and got my hair cut short. Why was that? I was the only one of our group who did it.

I knew why. Because when I looked in the mirror I saw her. The girl whose name I wouldn't say. She stared back at me, a familiar face, an old friend reminding me of what a total worthless piece of selfish trash I was.

* * *

Az and I both aced our exit examinations. I'd thrown myself into my studies with everything I had, clinging to them as the one thing I could still control. Our entire group graduated and during that long, boiling summer we all got ready to go our separate ways. I stayed out of the house as much as I could. Az did as well. Mom and dad - especially dad- began to suffer from the pangs of 'empty nest' syndrome, and lavished us both with attention whenever we were around. But it was never the same, never ever the same as it had been before.

I even went out the day Az packed to leave for college. He was going to live on campus and wanted to get there early to settle in. I knew why he was leaving early, though. As college loomed I'd grown darker and less pleasant to be around. I kept myself away from others, except for Pippy. Dear, supportive Pippy. Since she was still single, I found her company an oasis amid all the despairing loneliness and jealousy. It was Pippy I was out with on the day Az left.

"Something happened between you guys, didn't it?" Pippy said suddenly.

I put down my coffee. I'd gained a taste for it at last. I liked it black, without sugar. My hand was trembling. I wanted to glare at her, get angry, but instead I just disintegrated into tears.

Pippy got up and threw her arms around me. I clung to her, tears coursing over my cheeks.

"He's going Pippy," I said. "He's leaving!"

He's leaving me, I meant.

"He'll be back," said Pippy.

I knew what she meant, but he wouldn't be back. No, that beautiful, gentle, loving prince, that prince I'd held in my arms, possessed, loved beyond all else in my life. No, he would never be back like that.

He was going, and soon he'd be with someone else.

I knew I could stop it happening. I knew I could just tell him I was sorry, that I wanted us to part as friends, that I'd always love him, even if only as a sister. But part of me didn't want that. Part of me liked the darkness, liked the way I felt. Part of me knew I deserved the pain I was in.

I sniffed. The tears had stopped. All I felt was a dull pain in my eyes, echoing the throbbing in my chest.

"Here," said Pippy, handing me a pile of napkins. "Dry your eyes."

I did as she told me. I took out my compact and looked at myself. God, I looked a mess. With my hair short I looked ten years old again.

I smiled. My reflection grinned back. It was a false grin, an ugly, abominable thing that reflected the void I felt inside. I saw her in it.

Asgore had been right that time, long ago, in the Underground, when he'd said she and I looked so alike we could have been sisters.

I snapped the compact shut.

"I have to go," I said.

Pippy nodded. "He hasn't left yet, has he?"

No. I knew he hadn't. He wouldn't. He was waiting for me.

He was outside the house with dad. The car was full of all his personal stuff – a lot had already been sent to the college by courier. As soon as I appeared he smiled.

Az. How could he bare to still smile at me? He should have been angry. I was late. He was going to be late for his flight.

"Hey," I said.

"Hey," he said.

I walked up to him, threw my arms around his neck and hugged him.

"I'll see you around, bro. Be careful out there."

Az squeezed me back. "I will, sis. You too."

I squeezed him one final time and then let him go.

"Frisk, are you sure you won't come with us to the airport?" asked dad. "I can move some of the-"

I shook my head. "It's okay. It won't be long until fall vacation, right?"

Az grinned. "Right."

Dad pulled the car out the driveway. I stood there and waved. Az hung out the car window and waved back.

"Take care, sis," he cried. "See you soon. I love you!"

The car disappeared around the trees. My heart beat once and shattered.

"I love you too," I whispered.


	7. Chapter 7

I forget the next few years. Well, I wish I did. I remember them all too well, like a bad dream. I moved out of home. Mom and dad said I didn't have to, since my college was just in the City, but I couldn't live there any more. The place was full of bad memories.

Bad memories, in Toriel and Asgore's home. Bad memories, of Az. It was too horrible a thing to imagine.

I studied hard at college. I didn't make any friends. I didn't want any friends. I stayed in touch with everyone from high-school on the Undernet, but only the bare minimum. I changed my status so rarely that people would message me asking if everything was alright.

Yes, I'd write back. Everything was alright.

After a while most of them stopped asking.

I still went on the Undernet to see what Az was doing. He'd made friends. He was in the college swim team. He was tagged over and over again in people's photos. I stopped looking at them. It just hurt too much to see him smiling with other people.

But I still checked his status.

'Single' it read, every time I checked it. And as soon as I saw that word, my crumbling heart would slip back together and I'd survive another day.

Holidays and Christmas… we both returned home to celebrate them. It was a long trip for Az, but he never missed a holiday. I acted as pleasantly as I could, but I was faking it, of course. I was always happy when the holidays were over, except for one thing. The nightmares. As soon as Az was gone again, they'd reappear. Just like when were kids, having him around kept them at bay.

Then one evening I got a text. It'd been so long since anyone had sent me one that at first I didn't recognise the chime of the notification. My surprise doubled when I saw the text was from Az. He usually only messaged me on my birthday or just before the holidays. It was the middle of term.

Back in the City on the 4th. Want to meet up for dinner?

My thumbs trembled as I typed my reply. Just the two of us?

Just us and a friend I want you to meet.

I dropped the phone like it had turned into a poisonous spider. Just us and a friend. A friend. A lovely friend. How nice. How nice!

I slumped onto the bed. I pushed my face into my pillow and lay there, waiting for tears that never came.

Strange. My heart was beating fast and my chest ached but I didn't feel anything. I knew why. I'd been expecting that message for years, now. I'd known it would come one day. I'd been afraid of it so long that the fear, like my tears, had all drained away.

No, that wasn't it. I knew what it was. Relief. If his 'friend' was someone I knew he would have told me straight out. It wasn't Allie or Patience. It was someone I didn't know. Maybe… maybe it was alright. Maybe she was nice.

I snatched the phone back up off the floor. I knew Az was waiting for my reply.

Sounds good, I messaged back. Where should we go?

I should have said I was busy. But I owed him. I felt guilty. And I had to see what she was like. I had to, or else I'd go crazy. I had to prove to myself I could face the truth. Maybe the nightmares would stop, then. Maybe I could move on.

He sent me the address of the restaurant.

* * *

I had to dig up my old make-up. I'd stopped wearing it a while back. My hair looked ratty and needed a cut, but I didn't go get one since they'd know straight away. It would be weird.

I stared in the mirror. Had my hair really got that long? I looked like a stranger. I grabbed a handful and pulled it back behind my neck. Wait, there she was. The little girl who fell down that hole on Mt. Ebott long ago. The weird complexion, the narrow, squinty eyes, the little snub nose, the page-boy hair.

How had he ever fallen in love with me? Maybe it had all been a dream.

I got to the restaurant late. Maybe I was still thinking about standing them up. It was an expensive restaurant, a French one. I guess she must have picked it, since it didn't seem like Az's style at all. I went to the maitre d' and said I was meeting friends there. He led me in.

Like my make-up, I'd had to dig up a dress to wear. Luckily it still fit, even though I was a few pounds heavier, and in the end I didn't look too bad. But now, as I walked among the tables following the maitre d', I felt awkward. My hips seemed to get in the way of everything.

A waiter was pouring wine at a table. Az was sitting there, watching him do it. He was alone. When he saw me, his face lit up. He got out of his chair.

"Frisk!"

I surprised myself. I didn't tremble, I didn't faint and I didn't say anything stupid. I did, however, stand there staring like an idiot.

Az had grown taller since I'd last seen him, if that was possible. He'd lost the long-limbed lankiness he'd had as a teenager and had filled out, his suit covering what was obviously a pretty cut body – I knew from his status updates that he hit the gym pretty hard. His horns were longer, curling right back like dad's, but somehow not exactly like dad's. There was still a lot of mom in his face – her gentle smile and wide violet eyes.

God. I'd forgotten how handsome he was.

He came round the table and hugged me. "Oh sis," he murmured into my hair. "It's been too long."

"It has," I said. I held him to me, his warmth passing through his dress-shirt and into my body. I smelled his scent and in an instant I was a kid again, a teenager again. I was on top of him, tickling him until he bleated. I was walking out of a lake with him, my arm in his, I was lying on the sand, my head in his lap, I was kissing him under the stars, I was holding him to me as he gasped out his pleasure and filled me to overflowing, I was...

I didn't ever want to let go.

He let go first. A sheepish smile had appeared on his face.

"Hey Frisk, I'd like you meet Grace."

I turned and blinked. A human woman was standing there, wearing a green maxi dress. She was tall, almost as tall as Az was, her hair auburn with more than a hint of red, her skin pale, both the hand she was holding out to me and her smiling oval face with its doll-like beauty.

Beauty. She was a beauty. There was no other word for it. Grace. Even her name was beautiful. And yet…

...and yet I couldn't shake the fact she looked a little like me. Was it the snub nose, the cast of her eyes, her lips? She even had the same eye colour as me, although her eyes were huge compared to mine.

Yes. She looked like me, except that she was beautiful.

"You must be Frisk," she said. Her voice was warm with a touch of huskiness. She smiled brilliantly and her cheeks dimpled.

"P-pleased to meet you," I said, taking her hand.

Her grip was strong, easily as strong as a man's. She leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek. I kissed her back. She smelled sweet and rich, like chocolate.

Az's smile was nervous. I knew he'd been watching my face the whole time, to see how I'd react. How had I reacted? I didn't really feel anything. The lack of feeling scared me.

But it all came roaring back when I saw Az pull Grace's chair out for her. Blood rushed to my head and the floor shifted beneath my feet. I sat down, grabbed hold of the chair and stared at the table set before me, hoping the feeling would soon pass.

Her chair. Of course he'd pull it out for her. She was his girlfriend.

His girlfriend.

My stomach rebelled. I gripped the chair beneath me harder.

Look up, you fool, look back up!

I looked back up. Az and Grace were smiling at me. I smiled back. I hoped they'd read my awkwardness as shyness and not some strange psychosis.

The fear of humiliation, of being humiliated in front of her and Az pulled me back together. I smiled until the corners of my mouth hurt.

Az poured me some wine. I took it gratefully. I didn't usually drink, but I needed to hold something in my hands. I was worried they might start shaking again. After a few sips I felt better. The waiter appeared and we ordered. The pressure of deciding what to eat pushed my other fears away for a few minutes.

Az ordered escargot for his entree. I chuckled at his choice. It was an easy way to try and be cheerful.

"Az could never get me to like them," I said.

"I love them," said Grace. "But they are a bit of an acquired taste, aren't they?"

Again that sweet smile dimpled her cheeks. My heart filled with a hate that scared me. She'd said nothing bad, but…

"So how have things been?" asked Az. I was sure he'd seen the look on my face.

I took a sip of wine to stall for time. What the hell was I going to say? That I woke up, went to college, bought groceries, came home, ate dinner, went to bed, woke up and went to college and so on? My life seemed utterly pointless all of a sudden.

Instead, I just coughed and threw myself into talking about what I was doing in college. Grace smiled politely and asked me all kinds of questions. Az watched, smiling, but his eyes betrayed his nervousness. After a while they softened.

The entrees came. I'd ordered the terrine. As we ate, Grace explained to me how she and Az had met. She was an intern at the local hospital, but was working part time in a flower shop as well. Az used to pass it by every day on his way home from college. He always stopped to admire the flowers.

"He has a wonderful eye for beautiful things, don't you think?" said Grace, touching his hand lightly. Az blinked, startled from whatever it was he was thinking, and smiled shyly.

So one afternoon Grace had given him a bouquet for free. Bemused, he'd accepted it. Unwrapping the flowers at home he'd found a business card with her number written on it.

Grace sighed. "Oh, I was such a coward. I've never been able to make the first move. But he always looked so forlorn while looking at my flowers. Truth is, I just wanted to see him smile."

I smiled at the cute story. What a cute story! And I told them I thought it was a really cute story.

Az knew something was up. He launched into what he was doing at college. I'd missed a lot. I hadn't ever really bothered to find out what he was doing. The thought depressed me.

Grace interspersed his recount with various little anecdotes. She was studying to be a surgeon, of course. Intelligent and beautiful and studying to be a surgeon. Then the main came and I was happy for a break from all the smiling and nodding.

Envy filled my heart to overflowing. They seemed so happy together. I hated them for it, and I hated myself even more for hating them.

As I dug at my souffle, I wondered what my problem was. Did I really want Az to be unhappy? Unhappy like I was? No. No, of course I didn't. I just wanted- But no. I couldn't go back any more. I'd lost the power of SAVE long ago. And even if I still had it, how could I use it now? Az seemed so happy. I had no right to erase that happiness from existence, no matter how I felt.

Happy. That was the problem. People's happiness had become painful to me.

I pushed the dark thoughts away. Grace seemed to be a lovely person. She wasn't pretentious or arrogant or negative. She was a far better person than I was. I was being unfair to her.

Grace's knife slipped over her filet mignon, precise and methodical. She popped a cube of meat in her mouth and smiled at me. I started. She'd caught me watching her.

'Uh,' I said quickly. "So Az, have you visited mom and dad lately?"

The question seemed to catch Az off-guard. He glanced at Grace. "We went to see them this morning," he said.

"I was so scared," said Grace, wiping her lips with her napkin.

"Scared?" I asked.

"Of your mother," she said.

Az laughed. "Mom asked Grace lots and lots of questions."

"It was like a cross-examination," she said. "Oh, but I suppose she can't be blamed. If a strange woman appeared in my house and said she wanted to marry my son, I think I'd be a bit protective as well."

I nodded and smiled. But then the meaning of what she'd said finally trickled through to my nervous system and my smile disintegrated. "Marry?"

Az, eyes wide, looked at Grace. Her hand flew to her mouth.

"Oh I'm sorry," she said. "I forgot that Az wanted to be the one to tell you. We're engaged!"

"But, your finger..." I said.

Grace frowned until she realised what I was talking about. "Oh, the ring. Az had me leave it home. He didn't want to spoil the surprise."

Az glanced at me. He tried to mask his alarm, but I could see it in his eyes. They had that look of a deer in the headlights about them.

My fingers hurt. Then I realised I was gripping the edge of the table.

"Frisk?" said Az. "Are you-?"

"Congratulations," I said. I loosened my grip and grinned at the two of them. "I'm so happy for you!"

Az's eyes narrowed. I was sure my smile had unnerved him. It was that wide smile I gave when there was nothing else behind it, that horrible smile that made me fear mirrors. But Grace was unable to read it. She leaned across the table and took hold of my hands.

"Oh thank you, darling! I'm so glad."

I stared down at her hands. Her grip. It was almost painful.

The waiter came and asked us about dessert. Grace gestured for me to order first. I took the menu. It felt slippery in my hands. I drew my finger down the list. I could barely read anything on it. "I… I think I'll have the crème brulee."

I handed the menu to Az but Grace intercepted it.

"We'll both have the gateau au chocolat," she said, handing the menu to the waiter. She turned and beamed at me. "We always order chocolate cake. Az just loves chocolate, doesn't he?"

Chocolate. Az just loves chocolate...

Everything spun. All I could see was Grace's wide, beaming mouth, her dimples, her sparkling eyes. She was so happy. Of course she was happy. She was going to marry Az. She was going to marry the man I loved, that gentle, beautiful man I'd pushed away.

My soul ached, ached like a sliver of ice was jammed in my chest. It slid against my beating heart, slicing it like a razor, slicing it like how Grace had sliced up that steak.

I slid out of my chair. My body felt like a strange puppet, like a robotic thing I had to command to move. "I- I have to go to the bathroom."

Az started to get up. "Frisky, are you-?"

"Are you okay, darling?" Grace interrupted. "You look so pale!"

I grabbed the back of my chair. There was no one there for me to lean against this time. I looked across at Az and her. Her face. Those dimples. All my anger, all my hate focussed on them.

"Of course I'm okay," I snapped. "Why wouldn't I be? My brother's going to marry a woman he's only just met and who talks over him all the time and orders for him. Everything's just f-"

My voice trailed away. It had risen to a shout and I hadn't even noticed. People were staring at me. Az and Grace were, too. Grace was shocked, and Az… his face was no longer a frown of concern. Now it was a glare, a glare just like mom's.

"Frisk," he began.

I snatched up my purse and fled. I stumbled through the labyrinth of tables and chairs to the bathroom, pushed my way inside and slumped over the sink. My stomach lurched, but I wasn't sick.

I raised my head. The mirror. She was staring back out of the mirror at me. That girl. So much hate. So much hate in those eyes. But it was hate for myself.

"Frisk?"

My name. But not his voice, of course. It was Grace's.

"Please," I said. "Please, I-" I gripped the sink, squeezed my eyes closed. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," said Grace. She came up beside me, placed a hand on my shoulder. "I understand."

I looked up at her. God, she was tall. No. I was just short, that's all. "You understand?"

Grace nodded. "Az told me how close the two of you are. You think you're losing a brother. But really you're just going to gain a sister – well, a sister-in-law anyway."

Losing a brother? I blinked at my reflection. The face staring at me offered no comfort. That wasn't all I'd lost. I'd lost everything, all my hope and happiness.

Grace smiled at me from the mirror.

"I love your brother very much, Frisk," she said. "I promise I'll take good care of him." Her hand slipped onto mine. It felt cool, like marble.

Good care of him...

My ears roared. A tsunami of Images spilled across my vision.

Az and Grace, meeting for the first time at the flower-shop. Az and her on their first date. Az and her, laughing as they shared chocolate cake. Az and her, fingers intertwined, kissing, making love, his long slim body covering hers, her neck arched in ecstasy as he took her, again and again, her mouth wide open as she cried out his name, the dimples appearing on her cheeks, her nails sliding across his back.

"I- I'm sorry," I said, my voice breaking into a sob. "I have to go."

Grace's hand slipped from mine. She didn't try to stop me.

The restaurant had grown huge while I'd been in the bathroom. I pushed my way across an endless plain filled with tables and chairs to the front door.

"Frisk! Frisk!"

I expected to hear him crying out my name, trying to stop me from leaving. There was no way he hadn't noticed me leave the bathroom. But nothing, nothing above the chatter and clinking cutlery and crockery of the restaurant.

Somewhere deep inside myself I found the strength to look back for him.

There. Our table, near the far-window. He was sitting there, staring in my direction. He made no attempt to stand up or to signal me in any way. Instead he just stared through me like I wasn't there.

Then Grace reappeared and he turned to her.

Grace. He'd reacted to her. But then again, she was real, wasn't she? I was just a bad dream, an unpleasant memory. I stood among the tables and diners. Everyone ignored me. I was dead and invisible, a forlorn spirit.

I walked to the glass doors and pushed them open. No one stopped me. Somehow I found my car and threw myself into the driver's seat. I started the engine but straight away switched it off again. No tears. What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I cry?

I sat there, my head resting on the steering wheel and waited.

But no one came. 

* * *

The memories fled. I was sitting again in the little kitchenette of my apartment, my coffee cold, the contents of the heart-shaped box spread before me. Photos, letters, cards…

I couldn't look at them any more. I scooped them back into the box and shut it.

For the rest of the day my nightmares kept me company in the waking world. Classes, tutorials, study in the library – it all melted into one meaningless blob. I wondered at how much of my life had become like this, just jumbled up together with no direction. My waking life was a dream, and I lived in my memories. I kept looking at my phone, but there were no more messages.

Why would there be?

When I got back in my car after my final class, I sat there, the key in the ignition. The thought of going home to that empty apartment horrified me.

I started the car. I didn't take the usual turn-off and just kept driving. With Mt. Ebott on the left, the rest of the forest-clad mountains loomed before me.

I had to go back. But not home.

I parked my car at the edge of the forest. There was only one place left for me to go. Our place. The last place perhaps where I'd been truly happy.

The forest had changed. It had shrunk, like the magical forest of a children's book. I felt huge as I followed the familiar paths. The ground began to rise.

The lookout.

The tree was still there, the poor old fallen birch. I sat on it and it gave a little, chips falling to the ground. I picked one up. Rotten. It had started to rot.

I lowered my face into my hands. Tears, at last. My old friends. I knew I'd find my tears again here. This was a good place. After I cried, I'd feel better for a little while.

I heard a crunch and jerked up straight. Someone was walking up the path. I gripped the wood beneath me and stared at the old overgrown azalea bush. It shivered. Someone tall. Az!

No, not Az. Grace. I slowly got to my feet, staring at her.

Grace smiled at me, her cheeks dimpling. "Hello, Frisk. Oh, please don't get up on my account."

I slowly sat back down. "Wh-what are you doing here? Is Az-?"

She shook her head. "Az isn't here." She motioned to the fallen tree. "Do you mind if I-?

"No," I said. No, I didn't mind. Why would I mind?

Grace sat and turned to me. "Frisk, I think we got off to a bad start."

Guilt welled up in me, submerging my surprise at her appearance. 'I'm so sorry about last night," I said in a rush. "I didn't leave you any money and I was rude to both of you and-"

I felt her hand on mine. "Please, don't worry about it."

"I want to be happy for you both," I said. It's just that-"

"No," said Grace. "Shh. I won't hear any more. Let's leave that all in the past." She looked out across the landscape. "It's very beautiful here, isn't it?"

"It is," I said.

Grace sighed. "I remember the first time Az brought me here. He wanted to show me somewhere that was very special to him, he said."

My heart twinged. Az… Az had brought her here? But of course he had. That was how she knew about it.

"Az and I used to come here a lot as kids," I said.

"Oh," said Grace. "I hope you don't mind sharing it."

"No," I lied. "I don't mind."

"Yes," said Grace. "It was in the evening. I'd had a bad day and he wanted to cheer me up. He stood over there and raised his hands and all of these incredible stars appeared in the sky!" She gasped. "I knew he could do magic, but I had no idea he was able to make something so beautiful."

My heart cracked. He'd shown her his trick, the trick only I'd ever seen? But of course, Frisk. You fool. You fool! She's his girlfriend… no, his fiance. Why wouldn't he show her?

"I'm afraid it was just so beautiful my heart began to race," continued Grace. "I got so hot I couldn't wait to get him home. As a woman, I'm sure you know the feeling, Frisk. I just had to have him. So I took his hand and found a nice little secluded place for us to make love, just over there." She pointed toward the edge of the lookout.

I stared at her. I'd barely understood what she'd said, it was so shocking. Was she really… had she really said all that, or had I…?

Grace grinned. "Oh Frisk, I threw myself on him. I just couldn't help myself! And I rode him hard until he started to bleat." She laughed. "Oh, have you ever made him bleat? It really is the cutest-"

I got to my feet, shaking, my hands balled into fists. Black despair and rage pumped through me.

"Why," I whispered. "Why are you saying all this?"

Grace pouted. "But Frisk, he's just your brother. Isn't that what you've always told yourself?"

I took a step towards her. "Do you really hate me that much? What have I ever-?"

Grace laughed and hopped off the tree. "Oh Frisk, I don't hate you. I love you! Hating you just wouldn't make any sense. We're just like each other, after all. Two peas in a pod, two sides of the same coin. Sisters, I guess you could say."

"Sisters?" I felt my lips curling into a sneer. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Grace shrugged. "You really don't remember, do you? Well, it was many years ago. I suppose I must have changed a bit. Az didn't recognise me either. I think it's the hair. I've grown it out since we last met."

She reached back with one hand and pulled her long hair off her shoulders and neck, while lifting her fringe with the other. She grinned at me, her face now framed with a page-boy haircut.

"Is that better?"

I stared at her. Ice flooded my veins. "No," I said.

Her grin deepened, her perfect white teeth sparkling like a shark's. "Oh, Frisk. It's been too long, hasn't it?"

"You," I whispered. "You."

She sighed. "Please, Frisk. Please say my name. I love the sound of my name. It's such a beautiful one, don't you think? Why, just someone saying it is enough to make me appear."

"Chara." The name felt strange on my lips. I hadn't said it in a very long time.

She clapped her hands. "Oh, I knew you'd remember!"

"But… but you died," I whispered. "You're dead!"

Chara burst into a peal of dangerous laughter. "But Frisk, you died too! Or don't you remember? Just like Az died, many, many times. And all your friends, the girl with the ballet shoes, the boy with the bandana, the girl with the tattered notebook. All dead and buried, their souls harvested." Her smile deepened. "But you had to bring them all back, didn't you? Back from that howling black void. You just had to keep trying until you got your perfect ending."

I tried to remember. My heart burned in my chest. No, not my heart, my soul. My soul burned and I gasped at the pain.

"It hurts, doesn't it?" said Chara. "Having a soul. But its only through possessing a soul that we have determination, and only the most determined have the power of SAVE." She took a step toward me. "Frisk, did you really think I'd stay behind when everyone else was reborn, stay there in that dark place while you had all the fun?"

I tried to back away but terror glued my feet to the ground. "What do you want?" I cried, my voice hysterical even to my own ears.

"What I've always wanted," said Chara. "I want revenge. Revenge on everyone who hurt me. Revenge on the humans who wronged me. You stopped me before, Frisk, many, many times. But not this time."

She drew her hand from behind her back. There was a knife in it. Not a butter knife, like the ones Patience had used in her tricks, nor a steak knife or anything like that. It was a butcher's knife, a knife with a wide, deadly blade, a knife for cutting through bone and flesh.

Panic shook me from my paralysis. I darted to the left, to run around her, but Chara anticipated me and stepped in my way.

"Boo," she said.

I dummied to the right, then tried again to slip past her on the left, but she was expecting that, too. Her knife flicked in front of my face and I stopped dead.

"Oh Frisk, darling Frisk," she cooed, turning the blade so that the light of the sun flashed along its length. "You can't outsmart me. I know exactly what you're going to do. I'm just like you, after all."

"You're nothing like me!" I screamed.

Anger flashed for a moment across Chara's face, but then the dimples returned. "Now, Frisk, you know that's not true. What about all those nightmares? What about all the times you looked in the mirror and saw me staring back at you?"

My blood turned to ice. "That… that was really you?"

Chara shook her head. "You still don't get it, do you? I've always been here, Frisk, alongside you. Whenever despair or fear or anger took control of your heart, it called out for me and I came. I am your beautiful shadow, after all."

She took a step forward. I stumbled back. "My shadow?"

Chara's smile grew sad. "Az truly loves me you know, Frisk. He loved me once as Chara and now he loves me as Grace. He'll always love me, whatever name I take."

"You're lying," I whispered.

Chara chuckled. "It was easy to make him fall in love with me. Az's heart has always been so open, so innocent, so needy. I simply gave him what he wanted, an answer to his hopes and dreams." She gazed at her reflection in the blade. "But maybe you're the one who's my shadow, Frisk. After all, aren't you really just a shorter, fatter, plainer, boring version of me?"

"He never loved you," I spat at her. "He loved me!"

"Can anyone really love another person, truly I mean?" Chara asked with a shrug. "We all have our secret selves we don't show anyone else, Frisk. People fall in love with projections, a dream of what their heart desires. That's how I know Az never really loved you." She shook her head sadly. "He just thought he did. Do you know why that was, Frisk? Because he saw me reflected in your eyes."

The hideous truth of her words sliced into me. My heat broke. I turned and ran, tears stinging in my eyes.

Chara pursued me. I knew she was faster. She wasn't just prettier and taller than me, she was faster, too, but she held back. I soon knew why.

The ridge fell away before me and I came to a stop. Rocks and pebbles disturbed by my feet tumbled down the steep cliff, clattering and skipping their way far to the bottom.

"This is the end, Frisk."

I wheeled around. Chara was only a few feet away. There was no way past her.

"What do you want from me?" I cried.

"Just the power of SAVE."

"I told you I don't have it any more!"

"And I already told you," said Chara with a sigh. "That the one with the most determination gains the blessing of SAVE. And once you're dead, that person will be me." She grinned. "But I won't use I right away, of course. Az will need to be comforted, when he learns about your death. I'll be there for him, Frisk, to feed his anger and despair, to reawaken the God of Hyperdeath. But that's in the future, isn't it? I'll have all the time in the world to enjoy him before then. After all..." She drew the palm of her hand across her belly. "Our child will need its father."

Everything crumbled then, my heart, my soul, the sky, the earth. The cliff slid away beneath my feet and I stumbled. Chara was waiting. Her knife flashed. I flinched away and the blow went wide. But it had never been meant to hit me. Fear. Just the fear of it was enough.

I lost my balance, felt the unseen drop yawning behind me, teetered for a heart-stopping moment on its edge. Then Chara placed her hand on my chest, gently, almost lovingly, and pushed, just enough to send me backwards over the cliff.

The universe slowed. Her grinning face fell away from my sight, replaced by the wheeling sky and its fluffy white clouds.

The ground, a great, brown, vicious swirling blur, swung across my vision, then the blue of the sky again, the white of the clouds smeared across it like paint scraped by a thumbnail. Then brown again, then blue, then brown, then blue, then pain. Hideous, vicious, soul-breaking pain.

I'd hit the side of the cliff. I bounced and flew. My arm flicked across my vision, fluttering like a rag. Broken, the bone within it shattered.

Then I struck the ground, flew again, and struck it one last time. My body crumpled. I hit my head and the agony ended with merciful blackness. 

* * *

Blue sky. Blue endless sky. The sky was singing to me.

No. Not the sky. My phone. It was ringing.

What time was it? I tried to roll over, to reach for it. I couldn't move.

I tried to move my hand. Nothing. My leg, my toes. Nothing, nothing but a strange, empty tingling. I blinked my eyes. Black, then blue. I moved my lips. They moved, too. I tried to cry out. Nothing came out except a croak, the sound of a broken, dying animal.

Chara. Az, I had to warn him!

The phone sang, then fell silent. I tried to move but couldn't.

Tears pooled in my eyes. I lay there, cried, gasped out my pain to the heartless blue sky. The phone sang and was silent, sang and was silent.

I felt no pain. I knew why. I was paralysed. My fall had broken something inside me, just as Chara had intended. She'd left me here to die slowly, trapped in the prison of my own body. I couldn't move. I'd never move again.

Rocks came pouring down the cliff, skittered past my feet. Someone was making their way down to me.

Fear washed across me, and a panic I couldn't express beyond the flicking of my eyes. Chara! She knew I wasn't dead. She was coming to finish me!

"Frisk? Frisk!"

Az's voice!

I gasped out for him, my broken voice almost forming words in its desperate croaking. More rocks came. I looked for him, but beyond the little disk of my vision I couldn't see anything, only the shadowy edge of my body and the blue sky above me.

But then shame filled me, destroying my hope. There was no hope. I knew I'd never walk or hug anyone or move again. Better I should just die. Better I had just died rather than Az find me, see me like this, this horrible, broken thing crumpled among the rocks.

I stared upwards till all my vision was filled with blue. Az. No, don't come here. Go home. Leave me!

But the blue sky vanished. His face appeared, the face of a god looking down at me from heaven.

There was terror in his eyes.

"Frisk!"

He fell to his knees beside me. He stared at my body, went to touch it, hesitated.

"Oh god, Frisk. Oh god. Your… your blood!"

My blood?

Az brought his hands away. They were crimson, as though he'd dipped his palms in red paint, like when we did finger-painting at school. I was bleeding? Where? I couldn't feel it.

Tears poured down his face, but he made no sound. His face was calm, the terror beaten back. He moved closer to me.

"Frisk," he said. He leaned forward and kissed my forehead. "Frisk, don't worry. Don't worry, Frisk. Don't worry. I can fix this. I can fix this!"

Fix this? I wanted to laugh. How? How could he fix this?

He took my hand, placed it on his chest. I couldn't feel anything, of course. It was as if I was watching him place someone's hand there, someone who was asleep, since the arm was so slack.

"Frisk, I went to see Alphys today. She did some tests on me. Remember? Those tests she'd always wanted us to do." He squeezed my hand though I felt nothing. "Last night, after you left, I felt a horrible pain in my heart. Do you know what Alphys told me, Frisk? It was my soul that hurt, not my heart." The shadow of a smile appeared on his face. "The reason it hurts is because there's only half a soul there, and it's human, Frisk. I have half a human soul."

Half a human soul? But how? How was that…?

"It's half of your soul, Frisk," Az said. "You're the one who gave it to me, long, long ago, in that dark, lonely place you saved me from. Do you remember, Frisk? Do you remember?"

Did I remember?

Yes. I remembered.

Asriel. Asriel Dreemurr, the other half of my soul. How many times had I fought him? How many times had I exorcised the demon that was Flowey, defeated the Absolute God of Hyperdeath, reminded him of who he was and found the gentle little monster hiding deep inside, the gentle little monster who had loved too much and had paid the ultimate price for that love? How many times had I rescued him just to lose him again? How many times had all that happened? How many times had I reset the world?

A hundred? A thousand? I couldn't remember. But I remembered resetting and resetting, over and over again, desperately searching for a way to save him.

At long last I found it. The final missing piece, the key to the puzzle. Gaster, the One who Speaks with Hands, the Royal Scientist before Alphys. Gaster. The voice on my cell phone, the one who had called the wrong number.

His voice, lost, from across an infinite void of time and space: "I'm looking for G-"

"Gaster," I'd replied. "Professor Gaster, the person you're looking for is yourself."

This time I didn't let him hang up. In cryptic and broken whispers, he helped me to find the scattered fragments of his soul, helped me to repair the machine in Sans' basement, revealed to me the true nature of his experiments.

The machine. It had been designed to send an individual anywhere and anywhen, through that howling void between life and death, but it had malfunctioned. Instead, it split you, tore your soul into pieces, scattered you across time and space. Gaster had fallen into it and suffered its full effects.

But maybe, if you were careful, if you only used the smallest amount of its power...

I remembered what Alphys had told me about souls - that a monster's dissipates immediately after death, turning to dust, while a human's soul lingers, not forever, but for a little while.

A little while. More than enough time.

"I don't want to go..."

He was in my arms again - Asriel, the little goat-boy with the long floppy ears and those sad violet eyes. I hugged him to me as the winds of that desolate place howled around us, felt the warmth of his fur against my skin, felt his tears wetting my neck, just like I had a thousand, thousand times before.

But this time was different. This time I didn't let go.

"It's okay, Asriel," I whispered to him. "You don't need to go away any more."

Splitting my soul was like ripping my existence in half. But I had no other choice. There was no other way to save him. I reached into my chest, drew the red, glowing sliver out of me and plunged it into him. Asriel cried out, his face a mask of confusion, both hands pressed against his chest.

"Frisk," he whispered, and then he grimaced. "Wh-what have you done to me, Frisk?"

I fell, gasping, to my knees. The pain was beyond description. But the tears that spilled from my eyes and splashed against the dark floor of this void where we'd parted so many times before were different this time, too.

This time they were happy tears.

Asriel lifted me to my feet, hugged my shuddering body to him. "Frisk? Frisk!"

The pain faded away. I touched his face, pitied the terrible loss in his eyes.

"Frisk," he whispered. "Why? Why did you-?"

"Because you deserve to live," I told him. "Because I love you."

And then darkness, a darkness more intense than the black yawning emptiness of the limbo in which we'd fought.

I knew that darkness well. I was seeing it again, now, here, my body broken at the base of the cliff. That darkness, whose other name was death.

The winds were howling. Warm. So warm. I wondered why. Wasn't death supposed to be cold?

"Frisk! Frisk!"

Az's voice. Az. He still here? Wait, hadn't I saved him?

I opened my eyes. Az was embracing me. His fur was warm against my cheek.

"Frisk, hold on! Don't fall asleep! I can fix this! I can make this right!"

He laid me down and placed his hand on his chest and pushed, his face contorting in pain. Light blossomed in his chest: purple, blue, green, yellow, orange, red, cycling through the colours of the rainbow. It poured out of him, as though his body was filled with light rather than blood.

Red. Just red light, now. Red like blood. Red like determination.

No, no!

I gasped, croaked, bit at the air, tried desperately to form the words. No, Az, no! You fool, Az, you fool! Stop!

The light faded. A glowing ember, alive, like a burning petal of a rose fallen from the heaven, sat in Az's palm. He gazed down at it and smiled. Then he placed it against my chest and pushed.

Light. Red light poured out of me, a column of heatless fire.

Az pushed again. Tendrils of light played about his fingers. Again he pushed. Pain. Light. Both spilled out of me as Az continued to push at my chest.

My heart… The other half of my soul in my chest. It sensed its lost half and called out to it.

Az pushed one final time. The petal in his hand sank into my chest. Red light burst out of me like a fountain then fell away to a trickle. Az slumped back, panting.

Suddenly, pain. Pain and sensation roared through me as though a hot, howling wind. Lightning coursed throughout my body, along my spine, down my arms and legs. I let out a shuddering cry and sat bolt upright. Gasping, I pushed my palms against my chest. Fire lived there, a raging storm of fire.

The pain lessened. Sweat poured off my face and I wiped it away with my hands.

Wait. My hands. My hands! I'd moved them!

I wiggled my fingers before my face, curled them into my palm.

I could move!

"Az!" I cried. "I can move! I can move again!"

I threw myself upon him with a cry. He caught me, crushed me to his chest. Oh god, oh god! How long had it been? How long had it been since I'd hugged him like this! My heart, newly whole, raced as though it would burst from my chest.

My heart. My soul. It was whole again. But Az...

"Az?"

I pulled away. He'd given me back his soul, his half of my soul. Didn't that mean...?

But he was smiling at me. He looked fine. Fear fled from my heart, washed clear by hope. I laughed with joy. "Az, you're alive! Oh thank god, you're alive!"

His smile grew sad. "Frisk. I'm sorry. This… this is just the last of my determination."

His words shattered the half-born hope inside me. I shook my head. "No. No, Az. You're alright. You're alright!"

His hands found mine. They were cold, growing colder. I looked up at him. The colour was fading from his face, his violet eyes dimming.

But still he smiled.

"Az!" I sobbed, pulling him to me. "Why? Why did you have to...?"

"Because you deserve to live, sis," he whispered, his breath a ghost against my neck, his voice coming from an eternity away. "Because I love you."

I cried out, crushed him to me, cried out over and over again for him not to leave, that he couldn't leave, that I loved him. But Az said nothing. His arms fell slack and I pulled away.

Dust. There was dust all over my chest and arms.

"Az?"

I brought a hand to his still-smiling face. Powder fell away from my touch.

"Az," I whispered. "No. No!"

The wind rose. Dust swirled. His face vanished. I reached for him, but there was nothing for me to hold. The dust which had been Az poured through my arms, like the evaporation of a dream. The wind caught it up and carried it away, swirling, into the heartless blue sky.

I lifted my face and cried out, cried out for help over and over again to that same empty sky. But no answer came. I fell forward, my hands trailing through the dust, sobbing out my pain to the earth. Then the wind carried the last of him away from me, and with him all my hopes and dreams.

GAME OVER


	8. Chapter 8

A voice in the dark.

"Frisk! Stay determined!"

I sensed something. Deep in my heart, deep in my newly restored soul. I didn't recognise it at first. It had been so long, so long since I'd felt it. A shining beacon, beckoning in the darkness.

But it was far away. Despair held me here, in this endless darkness with its howling winds. Despair, that place where I had met him at last, fought him, that place where I had defeated the demon within him and brought him back to the light.

This place was warm, and soft, and numb. But the light… it was hard to look at. No, not to look at. Hard to feel. It felt like a trap, that horrible trap called hope.

"Frisk. It's alright."

The voice. It was his. Gentle, loving, echoing through the dark.

"Frisk, it's alright to hope. It's alright to dream. Don't listen to her."

Don't listen to her? To who?

"To Chara."

Chara? What's she doing here?

"This is her home, Frisk. This is the place she took me and held me, until you came and saved me."

This place? Where am I?

"Despair."

I looked about. Darkness, howling wind, screaming its despair to a black, endless sky.

Was there any end to this place?

"No end. Even if you walked for an eternity of forevers."

So I'm trapped here?

Laughter. "No. You're not trapped. The only thing keeping you here is you, Frisk."

But you said… but you said that Chara...

The girl. The girl who looked just like me in the mirror. My beautiful shadow. My despair.

"You're not Chara, Frisk."

No. I wasn't Chara. She just looked like me.

I felt it, then. Stronger now. A glimmer that didn't scare me so much any more. Hope. I tasted hope again. I felt fear, but I fought it away. Fear. It was her weapon. But I didn't need to be afraid any more. I had everything I needed here, deep down, safe in my heart. Love. I remembered his love.

I remembered and my soul burned.

I tasted more than hope. Dreams. I felt my dreams surrounding me, buoying me up from below, lifting me out of the dark blanketing shadow.

The winds howled in fury, then died away. Without my fear, they had no power. I floated higher until I no longer heard them.

I could only hear it. That beautiful sound, like the tolling of a bell.

SAVE.

I reached out for it with my soul. It grew brighter, louder. I drew closer.

The howling winds were gone, now. The last of my fear evaporated away. I gazed into the light.

Az. His voice. My brother, my prince, my beloved, my lover, the other half of my soul. Asriel Dreemurr, the one of my hopes and dreams.

My love for him filled me with DETERMINATION.

* * *

SAVE

CONTINUE RESET

* * *

I poured my soul into SAVE, willing the timeline to change, willing myself to CONTINUE. I had no idea where it would take me. How long was it since I'd felt determination? Would it take me right back to the beginning, or somewhere else? It didn't matter. Anywhere was better than here. Any time, any place.

Golden light, beautiful beyond imagining, filling my eyes.

…

I pressed fingertips against my lips. They were tingling. Sweetness filled my mouth. My heart, my whole body was melting.

My heart. I felt a twinge, but then it didn't ache any more.

"Frisk?"

That voice. His voice. The voice I'd heard in the darkness.

I lifted my gaze. Hope, golden shining hope filled me to overflowing, and this time I wasn't afraid of it.

Az was staring at me, his handsome face a mask of concern.

"Frisk? Frisk, are you alright?"

It was night. We were at the lookout. Az was dressed in his tuxedo and I was wearing that dress, that green and yellow baby-doll dress I'd worn to the prom. I was younger, my hair short again, my body lighter.

The prom. This was just after the prom. SAVE had brought me back to this point.

Az was frowning at me. My beautiful, wonderful brother, the love of my life, frowning at me. But he was alive! He was alive!

"Frisky? Are you-?"

I threw my arms around his neck and burst into tears.

* * *

We sat together on the fallen tree. It was still strong and whole here, back in the past. Wait. This wasn't the past any more. It was the present. That future, that horrible future was all in the past, now.

Future and past. This would all take some getting used to.

"So that's it, huh?" said Az, sitting back on his hands and kicking his legs. "I knew something had happened. I felt the power of SAVE while we were kissing."

"Yeah," I said. "I had no idea it would bring me back here."

"I know why it did," said Az. He sighed. "To stop you. To stop you from making the mistake that caused whatever future it is you escaped from."

The future. I hadn't told him what happened. I didn't want him to know. And anyway, that future was just a nightmare now, wasn't it? Now that I'd continued, it would never come true. It was a false dream and I'd keep it that way. I'd never let it happen.

"I think so," I said.

Az swung his legs one final time and hopped off the tree.

I blinked at him. "Where are you going?"

"Home," he said.

"Why?"

Az frowned at me. "I know what the mistake was, Frisk. Our kiss." He looked down at his feet, blushing to the roots of his horns. "It… it led somewhere, didn't it? In that other timeline? Somewhere terrible."

I slid off the tree and joined him. He really was tall. My head just barely reached his shoulders. I took his hand in mine, lifted my other hand to his face.

"Az, I think I need you to show me again."

"Show you what?"

"Show me what you would have done if no one had been watching at Allie's party."

His eyes glimmered, fragile. I knew he wanted to kiss me. "But Frisk. The mistake."

I shook my head and smiled. "You silly goat. Kissing you wasn't a mistake. And neither was what we did afterwards. Or do afterwards." I sighed. "This is going to take some getting used to, I guess."

Az blinked at me. "What do we do afterwards?"

I drew his face down and brought his lips against mine.

"Let me show you."

* * *

That glorious weekend. I lived it a second time. Of course, everything was a little different this time. I refused to answer any more of Az's questions about the future. I told him that things were already changing and that soon I wouldn't be able to predict anything. He stopped asking. He was just happy. I was happy, too. Well, maybe ecstatic was a better word.

We lay together on the warm concrete, the sun drying us next to his foam-covered car.

"Wow," said Az. "I don't think I'll ever get sick of that." He turned and kissed me. "Frisk, why are you so good at this?"

I was about to say something but Az frowned. I knew he was thinking of the future again.

"It was just a rhetorical question," he said quickly.

I booped him on the snoot with a finger. "Hey."

"What?" he said. A smile was threatening to break out across his face.

"Stop worrying, big brotato chip. You're the only one I've ever done that with. Even in the future."

Az blushed. "I… I didn't mean..."

"Oh shush," I said. "And no more about that future. The only future I care about is the one I'm going to share with you."

I kissed him then and he kissed me back and the kiss grew hot and soon we were revisiting everything we'd just done.

My darling Az. Even without the power of SAVE he was soon able to continue.

* * *

He was sitting at the kitchen table. The letter lay in front of him.

"Hey," I said as I came in, trying to still the racing of my heart.

He looked up at me. "Frisk."

I smiled my most winning smile at him. "Yes, Az?"

He glanced across at the letter and frowned.

"What is it?" I asked, innocent.

"A letter, from the university," he said. "The one on the other side of the country."

"Rejection letter, huh?" I gave what I hoped was a believable sigh and sat down.

He shook his head. "Frisk, they accepted me."

My heart was beating fit to burst out of my chest, now. "So what are you going to do?"

He looked at me. I knew what he was trying to do. He was trying to read my face, to see if I knew what he was going to say. I just looked back at him with my best poker face.

"Frisk, I'm… I'm going to accept."

My heart stopped. Fear. That old fear. Even when I knew what was going to happen, it still welled up in me.

I sighed. "I see."

Az grabbed my hands. "Frisk, it doesn't change anything. We'll still be together. We'll have the holidays and I'll come back home every second weekend and I'll call you every night and..."

"Az," I said. "Az, wait. Let me say something."

He stopped, mid-sentence, and watched me.

I looked at him, sitting across the table from me – his wide violet eyes, fragile and fearful, his long, curving horns, his beautiful white fur, his adorable little snoot. Love for him filled my heart, filled it to overflowing, filled it with determination.

The cold fear melted and drained away under its blinding power. I wouldn't make the same mistake again.

I squeezed his hands and grinned at him. "I'm so happy for you, Az. It's your dream come true, right? I think you should go for it."

The fear in his eyes fled. He pulled me onto the table, grinning, as I shrieked in delight.

"I'll wait for you," he said, kissing me over and over. "I'll wait for you Frisk!"

I hugged him to me, felt the hot tears coursing down my cheeks. "And I'll wait for you too, Az. I promise."

It was only a few years. Not long at all to wait for all your hopes and dreams.

 **Epilogue**

Butterflies filled my stomach. I clutched the bouquet of flowers to my chest, but it didn't seem to help. I began to shiver, but then a large, warm hand squeezed my shoulder.

Dad.

I turned to see him grinning at me. Calm settled over me. There was so much love and kindness in that smile. It was just like Az's.

Az. Even though we'd only been apart since the morning, I missed him. Monsters, as it turned out, shared the same tradition that brides and grooms shouldn't see each other before the wedding and I'd gone along with it. Who was I to mess with tradition? And anyway, fate had played such a huge part in bringing Az and me together that I was left wondering whether there wasn't really something to all those superstitions after all.

Az. After all those years of being apart he'd finally graduated from college and come back home. I'd graduated last year and was training to be a sous-chef in the CIty, working towards my dream of opening my own restaurant, but in a lot of ways it had felt like treading water. Now Az and I were finally back together. The distance had only made our love stronger. Those scattered times throughout the year when he'd come back home had been periods of golden bliss for me, as wonderful as that first weekend together had been, and as soon as one ended I was already aching with longing for the next.

Now I wouldn't have to wait any more. Well, except for right now.

Patience walked over to me, dressed in her beautiful aquamarine A-line dress. Pippy stood nearby glancing at the door, almost as nervous as I was. Her dress was similar to Patience's, but a deep purple. I knew it was traditional for bridesmaids to wear matching dresses, but when the two Ps hadn't been able to compromise, I hadn't had the heart to argue.

Patience licked a finger and straightened an errant hair on one of my eyebrows. "Your friends the cat and the alligator did a good job, Fri," she said. "You look stunning."  
I managed a nervous smile and glanced at the door. "Why haven't they started yet? It's taking forever."

Dad looked at his watch. "We've only been waiting four minutes." He patted my hand and fixed me with that smile of his again. "You look beautiful, dear one."

I tried to smile back, but my teeth chattered. "Am I supposed to be this nervous?"

Dad laughed. "When I married your mother, my hands were shaking so hard I dropped the ring. You should have seen the look on her face!"

I laughed, then. I really could see the look on mom's face.

The double-doors opened a crack and Gerard ducked his head through. "It's time," he said.

The music began. Gerard and Alex opened the doors. Pippy and Patience went first, Patience giving the still-nervous Pippy's hand a squeeze and flashing me a thumb's-up as they disappeared into the chapel. My heart jumped into my throat. Little Sam the Temmie, Justin and Tom's eldest, looking totally adorable in her white tulle dress, began to prance around, scattering flower-petals from her basket.

"Uwaawwa," she cried, her ears flapping. "It's TiME, it's TIMe!"

I patted her on the head. "You'll do fine."

Sam stopped panicking and smiled shyly up at me, then trotted out through the doors with Ed, Alex and Allie's boy. He held the velvet cushion with the rings in his hands with a childlike seriousness that reminded me of both his parents. Alex ruffled his blonde hair as he walked past, which earned him a glare from his son.

Dad took my hand and kissed me. "It's time, sugar bun."  
Gerard and Alex opened the doors wider. The music rose in a flourish. We walked into the chapel, my arm in dad's. A hundred heads turned to watch me.

Oh god, everyone was there. Our friends and family, from the Underground and the Surface, humans and monsters all.

Justin and Tom were in the back row, on the human side. Tom waved to me while Justin struggled to keep their youngest puppies, the twins, from clambering all over their mother. Tom was pregnant again, her tummy huge. Everyone was expecting triplets this time.

My friends from college were there, too, and even some of Az's friends had made the long trip across the country to be here. I met each of their smiles with a nervous smile of my own.

The other side of the gallery was full of monsters. All the friends I'd made in the Underground were there. I spotted Papyrus and Sans sitting together somewhere in the middle. Papyrus was hard to miss, waving his bandanna at me and shouting out "YOOHOO!" while beside him Sans just smiled in his own, enigmatic way. I could tell he was happy for me, though, in the way his blue eyes shone.

Undyne and Alphys were there too, of course. Alphys's face was awash as though she'd been caught in a tropical rainstorm, but even she managed a wave. Undyne, on the other hand, flashed me her own trademarked grin.

I grinned back. I hoped Az and I would be as happy as those two were together.

Sitting a few rows in front of them was Mettaton. He'd come with his 'plus one', his newest partner if the gossip magazines were to be believed, some gorgeous up-and-coming celebrity heart-throb. The robot seemed to change his partners as often as he did his costume in his TV show and I wondered to myself how long this guy would last. Mettaton looked up from his compact, which he'd been using to fix an errant lock of hair and waved flamboyantly at me. I managed a shy little wave back.

My heart was racing fit to burst now. We'd reached the stairs leading to the sanctuary. I dared to look up. Az was standing up there, smiling down at me.

Az. Only Az could wear a suit like that.

Over the years he'd filled out – he was more broader than when he'd been as a teenager, though he was nowhere near as huge as dad. But he'd never lost that boyish look from his face, the shy smile he was wearing right now and which made me fall in love with him all over again.

I blushed under his gaze. I was so nervous I almost tripped over my dress at the bottom of the steps, but dad held me steady.

"Thanks dad," I whispered.

We climbed the steps. It was time for dad to give me away. He let go of my arm and I took my place beside Az in front of the priest. Dad had wanted to marry us, but mom had talked him out of it, telling him he couldn't very well give me away as the father of the bride and then do the job of the priest.

It wasn't really a fair argument, though. I mean, mom was doing several jobs at once as well – she was the mother of both the bride and the groom, after all. I glanced down at her in the front row. She was smiling and dabbing at her streaming eyes with a handkerchief.

Mom. I hoped I'd be as good a mom as she was one day.

The music came to an end. Az took my hands. The priest began to speak. I barely heard anything. I was just staring at Az. His violet eyes were shining and I saw the start of tears gleaming in their corners. I knew my own eyes must look the same.

I gazed at him as though in a dream, but then suddenly he frowned.

The frown jerked out of my reverie. What.. what was wrong? Had something happened?

"Frisk," Az whispered, amused. "The vows?"

The vows? God, I'd almost missed them!

"I, Frisk, take you, Asriel…" intoned the priest, doing his best not to smile.

Somehow I got through them all. The priest's prompting certainly helped.

Az had no problem at all with his vows, of course. He'd memorised them. He'd always been better at that stuff than me.

Finally the recitation came. "Asriel, will you take Frisk to be your lawful wife, to love her and honour her, in sickness and in health, so long as you both shall live?"

Az was beaming. "I do."

"And will you, Frisk, take Asriel..."

"I do," I said, my voice little more than a whisper. My heart was pumping in my chest like I was running a sprint, so loud in my own ears I was amazed no one else seemed able to hear it. My eyes began to sting, but somehow I found the determination not to burst into tears.

Az took my hand. He reached over to the velvet cushion held up by serious little Ed. Both Az and I glanced about. I knew what he was looking for. I was looking for the same thing. But there was no need to worry. The little white dog was safely out of the way, sitting calmly in Papyrus' lap and chewing on a bone. The darling skeleton! He'd left nothing up to chance.

Az and I turned back to each other and breathed a shared sigh of relief. Then he took the ring and placed it on my finger.

I thought I might faint.

"I now pronounce you man and wife." The priest smiled. "You may kiss the bride."

I stood up on tippy-toes as Az leaned down and pressed his lips against mine. My soul trembled like it was being buffeted on all sides by multiple attacks. Somehow I stayed standing.

Everyone rose to their feet, the chapel resounding with applause and wild cheering. Az led me down the steps, my arm in his, through the gauntlet of our smiling friends and family.

Az. My love, my brother, my prince. No… just my husband, now. My husband. A husband was all those things, all wrapped up together.

I gripped Az's arm. My HP felt low.

"Are you okay, darling?" he whispered. Darling. I didn't think I'd ever get sick of him calling me that.

I smiled at him. "I'm fine." I noticed, then, the twin trails gleaming beneath his eyes and my heart melted. "Hey bro. Are you… are you crying?"

He wiped at his face with his sleeves. "Of course I am," he said. Then he grinned. "You always knew I was a crybaby, right?"

I said nothing and pulled him closer as we walked out, man and wife at last, into the sunshine.

* * *

The reception was over. The speeches had been made, Alex's magnificent cake had been cut and we'd danced our first dance as husband and wife. It was time at last for us to go.

Dad hugged me until I couldn't breathe, and then it was mom's turn. She took my hands and looked at me, tears in her eyes.

"Now you're doubly my daughter, little one," she said.

I cried out and threw my arms around her. "Oh mom!"

"I put a pie in the car," she murmured as we hugged.

"A pie?"

Mom sighed. "I know you and Asriel want to keep your honeymoon location a secret, but I couldn't help worrying they won't have any nourishing food there. So I baked you a pie – your favourite, butterscotch and cinnamon. Please be careful not to sit on it."

I couldn't help but laugh, then. "I'll be careful, mom. I promise."

Az took my hand. "It's time to go," he said.

"Wait," I said. "The bouquet!"

Someone thrust it into my arms. All the girls and women and female monsters came together, jostling in excitement as I made a big deal of tossing it in the air and re-catching it.

Then I threw it back over my shoulder.

There were shouts and laughter and I turned to see Patience holding it.

"It fell right into her arms!" cried Pippy.

"I just caught it instinctively," muttered Patience, staring at the bouquet like it was a poisonous creature.

I laughed. Az returned to my side and we waved and shouted our final goodbyes.

I slipped my arm into his. "Ready for the honeymoon?" I asked.

Az blushed. "You know I am."

Papyrus was waiting for us in front of the white limo, dressed in a chauffeur's uniform complete with hat. It really suited him. Dad had insisted on the limo. "Everyone needs a classy getaway car," he'd said.

Papyrus opened the door for me with a flamboyant flourish. "YOUR CHARIOT AWAITS, MILADY!"

Az helped me into the car. True to mom's words there was a pie on the back seat. Az took it and put it on the front seat.

"OOH! SHOTGUN PIE," cried Papyrus. "THE TASTIEST OF ALL PIES! IT WILL GO MARVELLOUSLY WITH ALL THE SPAGHETTI IN THE TRUNK!"

Az strapped himself in and Papyrus pulled the car away. I looked out at all our friends and family smiling and waving at us. Mom and Dad, Alphys and Undine and Sans, Mettaton and his boyfriend, Tom and Justin and their puppies, Allie and Alex and little Ed, Gerard and Patience and Pippy and...

I grabbed Az's hand and squeezed it hard.

"Ow!" he cried. "Careful, sis. I bruise easy, you know. What's the matter?"

"I just want to keep hold of you," I said. "To keep you from running away."

Az laughed. "You know I won't run away. There's nowhere to go." His free hand fell on my tummy. "But soon you'll be too big to chase after me, anyway."

"Hey!" I slapped his hand and pouted, but then I had a change of heart and kissed him.

Had anyone noticed the little bump there, I wondered? I'd worn an Empire style dress especially to conceal it. Not that I was ashamed. Oh no. I just wanted it to be a surprise. Az, darling, sweet Az. One time we'd been reckless, one single time, the night he proposed. And that one time was all it took.

I glanced out the window, not letting go of his hand. Concern flickered in Az's violet eyes.

"Are you sure everything's okay, Frisky?"

I beamed across at him. "Everything's more than okay," I said.

I was telling the truth. Nothing could drive this exquisite happiness from my soul. Not even seeing that familiar face at the back of the crowd had been able to do it, that face which was so similar to mine.

Chara.

She'd waved and grinned at me as the limo had pulled away, grinned as she had so many times before from the mirror or in the howling darkness of my nightmares. But for the first time I'd glimpsed what she was hiding behind that grin.

Fear. Her own. Chara was afraid of me.

Poor thing. I understood her now. The happiness of others caused her pain. All the laughter and cheering must have been unbearable for her and driven her away at last. But there was no escape for her, really. Wherever she went, she would be forever alone, walking in that desolate dark region where the winds never stopped howling.

Maybe one day she'd find her way out. Maybe one day someone would save her.

I knew I'd see her again, sometime, somewhere. She was my beautiful shadow, after all. We were two peas in a pod, two sides of the same coin. Sisters.

But I was no longer afraid. There was nothing to fear. He was at my side, now, and would be forever, that beautiful boy of all my hopes and dreams.

The End


End file.
